Posts tagged Victoria Beckham
Yes she takes it up the arse!
Apr 8th
According to some Londoners Vicky Beckham takes it up the arse! Thats what was chanted to the Salad Robot Fashion Extremo when she exited Scotts restaurant.
They happy moments begin around 44 seconds in. I don’t know why they don’t chat what we all really want to know. Does HE take it up the arse?! I like the very british “I’d fuck her!” shouted early on. He made a little fashun piggy vary happeee that night. She phoned DAVIDDDDDD with a MAHJAAAAH story whilst he had SEX with an INTERN.
Scientology tainted Posh!
Feb 11th
Posh Beckham (or POB as i like to call her because it reminds me of a PUG dog which reminds me of her) has been tainted!
You know Tom sliced her up and put baby aliens inside of her! ALIEN exploding scene on the red carpet. Hot.
Posh loses her tit implants.
Nov 27th
When the Spice Girls went to visit Mel B for the finale of Dancing with the Stars, the focus blatantly was never going to be on Scary, and Posh found a way to upstage her…by debuting a new pair of saggy tits! This is a huge change from her previous tits, when she was known as two rocks and a celery stick and people used her tits to start fires and keep North Korea in their box.
TWO ROCKS AND A CELERY STICK VICK
TWO PANCAKES AND A TWIG VICK
Thats a MAHJAH reduction Vicky. I have a feeling its one of those trick of the light titjobs and her silicone is hiding in an assistants handbag for the next event. Vicky probably still has the holes to slip them back in. Don't let Jordan know about this incredible new titjob tech though cause girlfriend will try and shove cats and horses into the hole.
Awkward Pairings at Chanel
Oct 5th
Dita: Mrs Beckham, it's daylight i do declare. Why wear such shielding eyewear in the absence of harsh sunlight?
Posh: Its how i roll. Heres a tanning salon number for you pet. You look like you need it.
Dita: NO UV LIGHT UNDER ANY CONDITION. IS THAT CLEAR? SUCH SUGGESTIONS WILL RESULT IN FETAL ABDUCTION AND WOMB PUNCTURE.
Posh: Wow, you have mah-jah issues there and i don't want to touch on that bag of crazy. Mah-jah.
Dita: As you wish Ms Beckham, woman of sun and melons.
Lily: AWRITE CLAWDYA. DO U NEED ME TO PISS ON A SHOE OR SUMMIT?
Claudia: I don't understand what these words mean. I have two shoes you know!
Lily: CLAWDYA U LOOK A LOT LIKE A MAN IN PUBLIC LIKE.
Claudia: Thank you I do the pilates.
Lily: DO U NOT GET IT I FINK UR A MINGAH.
Claudia: I think it's two miles or so. I came by Lufthansa.
Lily: U ARE A RIGHT PRICK CLAWDYA U KNOW DAT? IM GOING TO WRITE A SONG ABOUT YOU.
Claudia: No It gives Claudia a bad rash. Claudia does not use.
They are going to murder Posh.
Jul 27th
Heres the new promotional picture for The Spice Girls' comeback.
As you can see it's not sorted from top to bottom in order of hotness, talent or significance, but rather in order of who threatened to explode their fake tits first unless they got pride of place.
Posh is the Teri Hatcer of this group. Bitch is all pouting and shit and the rest are like god wtf dumb whore.
Mel B is definitely Marcia Cross you can hear her bitching about how Posh is getting all the attention in your heads and it feels so natural doesn't it?
Ginger is Eva Longoria because slut loves the attention and is too in love with the camera to care about Posh, and is probably going to profit the most out of this somehow – maybe in semen.
Sporty is, unfortunately, Nicolette Sherridan. Even though Sporty is hotter than Nicolette Sherridan, you can't really make her Felicity Huffman, because that is definitely Baby. Sporty is actually more like Brenda Strong because being the dead desperate housewife is probably still less offensive than being Nicolette Sherridan.
This one time I went to send some mail at my local postbox and Nicolette Sherridan just comes jogging up to me and whips her dick out! I'm like NO THANK U and try to walk away politely but she's all insisting I touch it and feel what a real dick feels like. Crazy foofoo.
The Beckhams have their tea and crumpets.
Jul 23rd
Heres pictures from Splash News of the Beckhams' welcoming partay. What kind of garish shit even is this? It was held in the Museum of Modern Art with a photocall for guests. Jesus christ people have you never heard of some wine, spice chicken and Norah Jones on your patio? Although these sluts have forgotten how to not seek attention so they have to be forgiven and/or bludgeoned.
Like it's not a coincidence that every couple who turned up to this event are supposed to be queers and dykes or at least half that way inclined is it? You know Becks tapped Tom from behind whilst Big Willy tickled his prostate. Gross but that shit should seriously be gay fiction because the gays would lap it up. We all know Jada and Katie like to bump minge too. Just kidding as Jada has a dick. I'd hit every single psychopath in that photo though.
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Victoria Beckham might be Enya.
Jul 5th
Remember when Victoria Beckham at least tried to do something other than look like a human melon rack? Back in the day when pouting alone wasn't enough to establish a career upon? Well i found a beautiful and touching song from the lady herself in which she channels ENYA. If Enya was a GAP model who designs garish clothes, that is.
VictorBee can keep dreaming because ENYA is not happening for her. Maybe she should make like Celine and release a maternity album. Actually what the fuck am i talking about the risk of more Victoria Beckham music is great enough as it is. Here she is singing LIVE. Be careful, although she's not as bad as you might think
Victoria Beckham is truly stylish.
Jun 5th
You know, as a man, I can often be wrong about fashion, since I’m generally disqualified from being allowed to comment on fashion due to my penis and attraction to women. But something about this outfit Victoria Beckham is wearing to the MTV Movie Awards woke up my styley sense and said “Praise me, I am your god!”
I’m just hoping that the sweatshop workers underneath her house are being paid fairly and, well, we all know they are eating better than Posh anyway.
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