This lovely looking young lady claims to be called Marina (and the Diamonds) but my eyes don’t lie, Catherine Zeta has simply taken a super long trip to the surgeon, thrown on a nice top and shimmied her timbers harder than Clinton Earle at a Saturday open bar.

I am very okay with this.

I don’t know what the hell one of these Bieber things are, (Is it a tiny lesbian from space?) but what i do know is that security at these Haiti fundraisers better step their game up a few leagues, because whatever the hell it is, it found its way next to Bahbwah Striesand and Saleen Deeeon (who floated down from a kayak in the clouds) at a recent charity recording.

Justin Bieber and some other people.

Maybe the shape of Bahbwah’s nose reminded it of it’s homeplanet. Maybe it felt the ethereal presence of Saleen Deeon and knew it was close to a better place, or maybe it was sent on a mission by Moomi to kill That Bitch Toni Braxton.

I think we all know what the most likely scenario is.

If you would like to confuse your mind further and slightly sap your soul into a pit of nothingness, then here is Justin Bieber making some of it’s noises whilst hanging out at Ushers house. Usher is totally fine with pre-teen girls running around his house having some sort of pool party clearly more suited to crack addicted 23 year olds. Watch those paper cups now, things could get wild!

In Madonna’s ‘Celebration‘ fanvideo, Madonna’s biggest supporters take to the screen to show just what it takes to be a Madonna fan! It turns out that Madonna’s fanbase is much more diverse than previously thought, with liberals, conservatives, and men and women from every age and sexuality appearing in the unifying clip.

Oh wait, I lied, it’s just a bunch of gays, some sluts, a few crazies grinding their arses and Madonna’s daughter vaguely dancing. There is enough tranny in this video to put RuPaul’s Drag Race in the dustbin come renewal time. Combined with Lil Mama and Lady Hermie at the VMAS, this years TV tranny quota has definitely been met already.

Lourde’s eyebrows have always been destined for something great, and I suspect they will consume her whole when she least expects it.

Kelly Clarkson rolled out of her ‘I’ll Eat What I Fucking Want’ den to provide us with an elegant and beautiful music video for her elegant and beautiful song Already Gone. Kelly has gone on record saying she isn’t happy that her label are releasing this song, as Ryan Tedder basically gave the same track to Beyonce and Kelly to work from – one turned out to be Halo, the other Already Gone.  Kelly is mainly unhappy because the song doesn’t have any chocolate on it and that is the truth.

Good for Kelly for not giving a fuck, being super talented and super hot without having to be stick-thin. More of this.

Uh, the answer evidently is YES YOU CAN. And if Mariah’s message is being read right, she is Obsessed with herself. Which is brand new information to the world.

Even if you don’t like Lily Allen, there’s plenty to like about her latest single “22″. The new music video has premiered, and there’s nothing like a bit of raw social commentary to help you when you are depressed.

The video is mightily impressive, simple and raw.

But still, I’m actually going off to party right now. Something tells me, Lily & I have many things in common when it comes to nightclub toilets.

And by that i mean her sweet dream is finally being exposed, a trifecta of Beyonces!

This is how she has always envisioned it, but due to the physical impossibilites behind it and many failed prototypes she has had to use Kelly and Michelle as standins instead.

The pic is from the new video from Beyonce’s Sweet Dreams, which looks like it cost about $14 to make. It’s on youtube but keeps getting yanked down by the label, so google that shit and cross your twanger and maybe she’ll appear to you like a beautiful nightmare.

The last six seconds of the video are like a hypnotic trance where Beyonce’s chest is doing the overtime.

As part of our ongoing crusade to get hot British hos out there we bring you a double bill; the great new track from The Noisettes an amazing new song from the super talented, fierce and amazing V V Brown, who P.Diddy tried to sign but she rightfull said HELL NAW.

V.V declined a place in Oxford, Kings College, LSE and York to go do music times with a microphone instead and we are GLAD she chose this option.

The Noisettes are celebrating a smash hit UK album and number one single, and this is their latest track trick. We love it.

Britney Spears’ new song Radar is about a year and a half old now, but is still awesome. That said, the video had such potential to be a total navy themed vid. Britney on a boat, like Cher, except from the trailer park. Trailer-Cher if you will. Anyway Britney instead decided to go for the very popular and current theme of horses and polo for the video instead. And of course the video features Britney sitting a lot (yes, this IS an uptempo dance song) in slow-motion and then a horse shaking his money maker whilst being watered down, slowmo style, to the words “animal in the sack, think i can handle that!”

And yet im still okay with this, because it’s Britney.

PULL! Just kidding, Like most mythical creatures, Moomi, Queen of the Butterflies only emerges at certain times.These times are known as “Buy My Album”  months in Mariahs calendar, they are clearly marked with an orange marker.

The eating months are marked with a green marker and gold butterfly stickers. The purging month with a red marker and images of a sad unicorn with a broken horn.  Moomi Album Season is a time of giving, namely where Mariah gives the world an abundance of LOLS and we buy her shitty albums as a thank you. Anywhore, Mariah is recording the video for her new trash-hit Obsessed.  Basically this song is all about how Eminiem is apparently obsessed with her, a story brough to light ala Gwen Stefani .

Here is Mariah doing her version of Eminiem for the video.

Tyra and Mooms should team up together and they can make a whole series playing dress up and eating. It would be a glorious smash of ego titans and it would end in tears, torn weaves and salsa dip.