As if Kanye West’s stream of hilariously ridiculous egotistical videos and SHOUTY CAPITALIZED BLOGS in which he asks “WHY CAN’T THEY LET ME BE GREAT?” were not enough to make people wonder if it’s time he gave up singing and chilled by the fire with some horlix, last night he graciously butted in during Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech for Best Female Video to say “Beyonce deserved it”.

Taylor stands afterwards looking like a wounded puppy. It’s possibly the most sad and tragic moment of VMA history. How can a grown man (alien/robot/psycho) piss all over a 19 year olds parade? That bitch is crazy and I hope he is blacklisted for that ungracious act of ego.

The View lately has been getting very, very political. So while on the campaign trail for her new show, The View bitches thought Paris Hilton would be a good candidate to join them for their hot topics. And it was easily the most boring 10 minutes of Paris’ life.

At the half way mark when the girls get serious, they instantly forget about her. So Paris is probably thinking, is Benji going to give me penis tonight. Who is this Sarah Palin bitch? Why the fuck are they talking about her more than me? I think that was the more surreal moment The View has ever had.

You can catch LA-Deli’s commentry of Paris’ new show, My New BFF, next week.

The gossip world is like a suckling baby and Britney Spears is the teet. Haha, fuck, teet is a funny word. I don't care what you bitches think, im going to take a moment to tickle my nuts to the word teet. TEET! TITTY TEET! TWAT TEETIES! Okay its out of my system now, and I don't know why i made that analogy, but im glad to report that the word teet can safely be used near the name Britney Spears now without people shuddering violently.  

Here is a video of Britney looking sizzling whilst rehearsing to a new song apparently called "It's Been a Long Time"  which i suppose is correct if you are referring to the duration since Britney Spears was last sane, although no word if it's a new album song, or just a cut track from Blackout, who gives a cat's fart anyway?

Video: Britney's Back!

MTV are such assholes, they leak this shit to make you watch the VMAs only to find Britney riding in on an elephant or some shit. Everyone will clap ravenously and be like "Oh she is such a brave legend! Look everyone, she's riding an elephant, isn't that clever referential subtlety?! I think so!" and around an MTV table some executives will be giving handjobs to each other for managing to get people to actually watch the VMAs without actually having any interesting performers whatsoever.

Call me back when Britney is taming a bird of prey for a performance. I'd love to see that bird and Brit Brit have a swirling fight to the death over her weave. Brit would win, obviously, she is from the SOUF. She probably cooked rare birds of prey for dinner around the age she was having sex and doing drugs, that'd be around the age of 15 then according to her mother. 

Can i just say i was hitting the bottle around a year later than this bitch, so thats no biggy, and most of the sluts i know were knocked up at 15 anyway. I guess thats because i love sluts though.

Britney Spears and "Hot" haven't been words that have been seen together without their good friend "not" in quite some years. Anyway I have no idea what the fuck is going on here in these MTV promos for the new VMA's, but I gotta give Trailer Muffin mad props for actually working with MTV again after they let her publicly humiliate herself when she was mentally ill.

You know, im loving the whole Tyra Banks cameo. I wonder how many bitches she killed to get to be in Trailer Muffin's derriere. Expect an 9 part special of The Tyra Banks Show where she talks about how hard it is being a fat elephant lady and also discusses how she is basically a lot prettier than Britney Spears and drops in some story about how Britney asked her for spiritual guidance. Britney probably just said "Hey, you there, whurs the nearest Starbucks? I needs me a frap!"

Russell Brand is un-necessary and I wish MTV would stop trying to make him happen.  He probably cried himself to sleep with joy for being around Britney. I actually never thought i'd see the day where Britney would look even half like the woman she used to, but she is definitely looking like Britney of old now.

Danity Kane's new music video for their single Bad Girls is all sort of tragic. Not only do they resemble cheaper Pussycat Dolls, but they took their time to rip-off Britney and the movie Sin City. We also have an added bonus of a cameo from Missy Elliot who just throws her rolls around. Ground-breaking for everyone involved.

Pete Wentz looking gay – check. 4 chicks wearing the latest hookerwear – check. P!nk being sarcastic – check. A 2nd rate Simon Cowell – check. Crappy tie-in competition to cater to overweight people – check.

The latest gossip news from LA Deli.

• News of Angelina Jolie giving birth was once again false. Jolie is expected to give birth to the "best-genes-ever" twins at the end of the month. But come on Entertainment Tonight, we have more credibilty than you now. Get it right bitches.

• It looks like Madonna & Guy Ritchie are not headed towards divorce after all. They've hired special PR to deal with the chaos surrounding their marriage. It was the same PR rep that said Madonna wasn't buying African children.

• Rihanna has wrapped up production on her new music video for her single Disturbia. We will let you know when Triceratops dazzles us with more goodness.

• Starbucks will be closing down 500 stores. This is sad news for people like Britney, who may need to travel that extra mile for a frap.

• According to various sources, a Friends Movie is in the works. Due to the success of Sex & The City and The Simpsons, expect more classic TV shows to travel across to the silver screen. How on earth can a sitcom with a laugh track be transferred to a feature length movie is some wild shit.

• MTV is considering asking Britney Spears to perform at this years VMAs. Can anyone say DO.NOT.WANT. any faster. But it just goes to show how in-demand Britney is right now despite Blackout underperforming on the charts.

• On a final note, it's Lindsay Lohan's birthday today. Happy Birthday Lindsay from LA Deli. We've compiled a few pictures of your wonderfully-well-proportioned girlfriend, Samantha Ronson.