Posts tagged Movies
Michael Bay says BOOM to Megan Fox.
May 20th
Lets face it, Megan Fox is the luckiest skank in the game. She can’t act for shit and she must have given more than just a dozen or twenty handjobs to get her role in Transformers. But after she’s been caught bitching about Michael Bay and after crew members released an open-letter calling her a nightmarish whore, it’s no surprise that Megan Fox has been DROPPED from the third movie.
Megan is the best kind of dumb whore, she’s the dumb whore who think’s shes not a dumb whore, and so she gets all uppity and righteous. No word on who’s going to be playing “Pornstar Girlfriend Whoreface” in the new Transformers movie, but I’m going to go with “THE BOY SHE TURNED DOWN” in a cruel twist of further revenge from Michael Bay.
Let’s begin to watch Megans career trickle down to arthouse movies in which she plays a stripper/hooker/slut girlfriend and inevitably ends up on daytime tv movies playing an unfeasibly young and attractive mother who wears tight sweaters.
Rachel McAdams: NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME.
Aug 16th
Rachel McAdams told showbizspy that NO ONE CARES about fifty five zillion times this weekend
“Besides not leaving the house, staying housebound and never seeing the light of day, I guess I just tend to go about my everyday business not bothering anyone, Nobody really cares that I go to the post office or buy deodorant at the drug store. No one’s really interested. I always used to think this was exciting stuff but no one really cares. I think if I lived in New York it would all be a little bit more high-profile, but in Toronto where I live, no one really cares.”
NO ONE CARES!!!!
Rachel is pretty serious about no-one caring. No one caring about Rachel McAdams is something she wants you to know. She is just like you and I, that is if you and I were being paid $6 million to writhe around naked with Eric Bana. But people care about us, right? No one cares about Rachel McAdams. When she’s grabbing a packet of tampons, no one stops and says “Oh my god look it’s Rachel McAdams” because she is chill and no-one cares that she has a monthly flow. Actually, her vagina is totally nonchalant about it too, it’s like “Oh hi period, yeah cool, whatever”
Really this was a long winded excuse to post pictures of Rachel at the Time Travellers Wife premiere. The movie looks like a bag of shit that pretends its really good; i am not sold. If she had done the movie in her futuristic premiere dress and said random words like ‘AVANT GARDE’ before periodically exposing body parts at random, I might have been in; but running around in a field with Eric Bana? I’m out.
Special Props go to my gurl LAQUISHA in the background. DIS BE YOUR MOMENT GIRL.
Megan Fox Porn.
Jul 7th
Since Megan Fox is probably as close as Hollywood is going to come to getting it’s very own pornstar, it can only be sensible and just that they stripped away stupid robots and things like storyline to give us what we really wanted from Megan Fox – nudity, sex, and a lot of campy lines about how much of a slut she is.
In the trailer, Megan unzips her top and suggestively asks “You want it?” as if that’s a question which
1. Must be asked
2. She hasn’t asked a thousand times to film producers everywhere
3. Does not serve as a metaphor for her entire relationship with the public.
You have to give the girl props, not only does she slut herself out in movies like her body is a precious commodity to be exposed to oxygen as much as possible before it inevitably sags and wrinkles, but she is also really really brazen about basically being a slut. It’s sort of fun considering we still have Lindsay Lohan trying to sell us the notion that she stays and home reading Danielle Steele novels.
Newsflash: Jennifer Garner best thing about her movies.
Apr 29th
The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past reviews are out and newsflash says its a hot tranny mess.
Not even wonky hair can save this mess...can it?
Early reviews suggest Angel and Perfect Saint (whom wont return my calls for marriage) Jennifer Garner and Michael Douglas battle against the shit-fest that is Matthew McConaughey in making this movie work.
Not only do people say he sucks a big one, but they actually call him fucking terrible. I mean so dislikable that he rapes this movie of any potential value whatsoever. I always knew this twit-twat was worth a fart in a mitten at best; but Hollywood keeps forcing his as upon us! Quit him people! QUIT HIM.
Can someone please get Jennifer Garner a better agent? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the goodwill from Alias, 13 Going on 30 and a supporting role in Juno is quickly being depleted with such masterworks as Elektra and now this doodoo. That said, she is in this mess so im there opening weekend.
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past Poster
Feb 13th
Let’s have a look at just what is going on with the Ghosts of Girlfriends Past poster.
Jennifer Garner and Matthew McConaughey.
First of all. JENNIFER FRIGGIN GARNER. That’s pretty much enough to make it awesome and excellent and sexy. When im cooking and something just is missing from the recipe, like i feel it might need more paprika or crack cocaine, i Instead just rip up a little picture of Jennifer Garner, mix it in, and it suddenly tastes like magically delicious cheeto dust.
Then MATTHEW MCOCKAGAY. I really hate him, but you know what? Whatever. Actresses bite the bullet for romantic comedies because they know they need a popular male opposite them for the film to be a hit! Unfortunately strong female leads rarely can sell a movie alone unless they are in an ensemble.
See: Cameron Diaz/Ashton Kutcher and Anyone/Matthew McConaughey and Sandy Bullock, Drew Barrymore, Julia Roberts/ Hugh Grant.
Ghost of Girlfriends Past trailer
Jan 29th
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They could literally cast a plank of wood with abs sketched on in this movie and it’d still work because Jennifer Garner is in it. Jennifer Garner can breathe pure gold and diamond lovedust. Lovedust is what happens when rainbows collide with angels. True story.
My kind of steak.
Jan 20th
MooMi is at it again. No not clearing the buffet table before 6pm, but trying to act! It’s well known fact that Mariah Carey is an actress of caliber and prestiege built from a strong filmography littered with roles in such cinematic classics as Glitter and…uhm, well that’s more than enough! So it should come as no surprise that Mariah is getting rave reviews for her performance as a stuffed sausage social worker in the new movie Push.
Somehow though, it is a big surprise. It really, really is. I am guessing these critics also enjoy german sausages and that is why they appreciate mimi. I will happily pay full admission for this movie to see this bitch crumble without makeup. Fabulous Butterfly Divas should never be without makeup. It’s like Anna Wintour and animal cruelty. The two should not be kept apart!
Ready your Oscar!!!!
Jan 14th
Amy Wino might be starring in a movie which some dumb bitch at ITN news likened to Michelle Pfieffer in Dangerous Minds. Really this isn’t news, but ITN has nothing else to do with it’s budget, so why not? And of course it allowed a great clip of Wino to be shown which demonstrates how her sheer grace and elegance are unrivalled by anything mere mortals can even aspire to be! You need to be a digital angel to rival Wino’s poise.
Jennifer Garner Butter Jelly Time!
Jan 13th
An Angel is Alive in this picture, and it's not Chesty McShirtless
Jennifer Garner is my crack. Jennifer Garner is probably the only actress in Hollywood who actually doesn’t do crack, which Is why she’s awesome. Here are two new high quality pictures of Jennifer Garner from her new movie The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, because Jennifer Garner is like listening to old Jewel songs in your beat up old car by the frozen lake. It’s a peaceful place.
She should not be in a movie with this asshole.
Everyone in Hollywood wishes they were Jennifer Garner, and rightfully so, because Jennifer Garner > Everyone Else! Especially THE OTHER ONE. It should be known that Kate Winlset gets +4 awesome points for changing Saint Angelina to The Other One in everyone’s minds. It’s pretty good she earned those awesome points, because she lost 12 of them with the speech that followed.
New Bond theme makes Jesus cry
Sep 19th
What was Alicia Keys thinking? And while I’m not a fan of the White Stripes, I think I’ve heard better from them. It’s sad that they’ve merged their voices together to make something really shit.
Judge for yourself.
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