Posts tagged Lindsay Lohan
Taiwan: Doing the news RIGHT.
Aug 4th
All that’s missing from this is a cameo from Trailer Muffin Spears’ MANGE WEAVE.
NEWSFLASH: Lindsay Lohan a trainwreck and bitch.
Jul 8th
Yes this is the Lindsay Lohan Burning At the Pyre brigade, but look at this video of Lindsay Lohan and people kissing her ass.
The Lioness is coming out to search for some CRACK and then smoke some SHIT whilst she flings things at some dude and tells him not to touch her hair.
Lindsay Lohan is going to the chokey!
Jul 6th
Oh holy night, the stars are shining brightly, and that dumb drunk whore Lindsay Lohan is finally getting what she’s bloody needed for the past decade in a nice hefty 3 month jail stint!
Lilo’s drunken nasty ass will be up for business soon as a judge ordered Lilo to 90 days prison and 90 days rehab for violating her probation a number of times,
Lilo of course tried to blame her hectic life of not working as a movie actress and instead being a dumb drunk ho! Lilo got weepy in the eyes when the judge decided FUCK THIS SHIT and sent her to jail for making a mockery of the justice system.
I would say this is the beginning of a new start of Lilo, but since Paris Hilton is still as much of a stupid drunk bitch whore as she always was i dont think we should get our hopes up!
Lindsay Lohan is drunk. I am super surprised!
Mar 24th
Well, you know what they say, wherever theres a square foot of ground then Lindsay Lohan’s ass is bound to kiss it at some point in time. Lindsay might as well change her name to Lindsay Lohan Drunk since that is roughly what all google searches for her name lead to. Lindsay was out partying in Hollywood and on the way home fell on a cactus. It’s too bad that the cactus looks quite pleasant, because god knows this bitch needs a prickly jab in the arse to sort her out.
Lindsay really is doing super well with that whole sobriety thing. I am so proud of her.
Shield Your eyes, intense virginity ahead!
Mar 4th
Everyones favourite delicate flower Lindsay Lohan shows us her sensitive, sweet side in this new photoshoot. And by that i mean her sensitive labia and her sweet middle finger.
Ever the graceful lady, Lindsay flashes her arse, her boobs, and generally looks like the drunken nightmarish skank we all know she is – except instead of facebook pictures these are actual magazine photos. If you say so.
If Lindsay had a ‘style guide’ it’d be 16 pages of different shades and textures of vomit drenched blouses, 14 pages of urine stained undies and the last 12 would be different shades of fag ash, burned jacket samples and coke packets. Therefore London is probably hedging bets on a nice uptick on the old drug industry since Lindsay’s probably going to move there.
Thats Enough, Lindsay Lohan.
Feb 9th
Lindsay Lohan is like a stripper that you got really drunk with, and in your wasted misjudgment, you paid for oral sex with. Now you’ve got herpes, you keep picking ash out of your teeth and she wont stop calling because that night was the “best moment of her life”.
Anyway, here is that crazy 48 year old on the cover of a magazine looking like Jesus, well Jesus if he had been a Flavor of Love contestant and smoked 80 a day.
The thing about this is, that Lindsay is absolutely going to twitter about this at some stage like we give a crap. That skank is waiting by her phone with a cigarette in hand so she can vehemently slam controversy over this picture, but the thing is that the only people who give a shit about Lindsay Lohan pissing all over religions are gay bishops who read Heat magazine.
Lindsay Lohan is not Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, or Eva Longoria.
Jun 28th
So please make this all stop and leave it to the professionals. Heres Lindsay at her 23rd birthday party. Oh you thought she was older? You mean like 24? 25? 63?
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- You are not Michael Jackson, Lindsay Lohan! Stop that at once!
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- Try harder.
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- It’s basically the same outfit, except one of these girls is an emaciated mess.
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- Eva Longoria does tranny swimsuit better
Lindsay Lohan is parodying her life.
Apr 14th
Im not sure if its more tragic or funny, but Lindsay Lohan has made a parody of an eHarmony video in which she admits to be an alcoholic who is crazy and has a restraining-order happy ex girlfriend.
She’s a crafty one.
Apr 8th
That sneaky bitch Cokey Lohan saw what was happening, Hollywood was dropping her ass like a bag of bad crack mixed with soap powder. Now she’s doing what any mature woman would do in the midst of personal crisis.
She’s selling her story to USWeekly.
Highlights of Lohan’s chronicles of her downfall include the revelation that she’s in “Absolute hell” which im assuming is a lot like rehab or a library to her.
She also recalls the final showdown between her and Samantha Ronson as “humiliating” and went on to say that “Everyones turned on me” which leads us to the true gem in this shit-stain of a story.
When Nicole Richie walked past Lohan being restrained by the bouncers at Ronson’s party she apparently said “Uck” according to Lohan. Just her Uck! In L.A speech this is a way of clearly voicing disgrace without any effort which might burn up necessary calories that have to be saved for such tasks as breathing or standing up.
Drea De Matteo totally exploded her image of being a hard bitch skank by telling lohan to “Come at me, bitch!” and that is why Drea De Matteo is possibly the best celebrity in Hollywood for today alone. What Lohan probably declined to inform the magazine is why Drea De Matteo would possibly have any reason to hate Lindsay Lohan. Because Lindsay Lohan is the picture of etiquette .
I can just see Drea dropping her bitch bag on the ground, hitching up her designer dress and pulling her weave tracks out to lay down fight times.
Lohan ends the interview by saying “I’m just a girl in love!” and “it felt like Mean Girls, but worse, Mean girls was a MOVIE”.
HEY HEY EVERYONE REMEMBER WHEN I HAD A CAREER AND EVERYONE LOVED ME LIKE IN THAT HIT MOVIE MEAN GIRLS? REMEMBER? OH COME ON GUYS DONT ACT LIKE U DONT REMEMBER. U DO!!! LOLLLLL OMG GUYS WHY ARE U ALL BEING LIKE THIS. IT’S NOT FUNNY ANY MORE YOU GUYS. UH LOOK ISNT BRITNEY SPEARS STILL FAT OR SOMETHING? CAN’T U GUYS JUST DEAL WITH HER?
If we ignore her, maybe she will go away.
Apr 7th
Lesbo Druggy Mess Lindsay Lohan has been crying for our attention for several weeks now by having heated arguments with her big lezzy girlfriend Samantha Ronson. Apparently according to the infallibly accurate newsource known as twitter, Ronson did what anyone would do once she realized that actually being with Lindsay Lohan was like having sex with a really agressive and disgraceful twiglet; she cheated on her ass until her cooch was crying tears of joy!
Anyone who knows a Lindsay Lohan adequite email will know that this is not good for that firey temper and therefore the two vagina lovers have split ways. Of course, Samnatha Ronson has had to look into a restraining order against Lindsay because that is one angry firecrotch you know will be banging down your door at 4am like a rough bootycall who “Couldn’t find you on Facebook”.
I generally don’t cover Lohan/Ronson news because, frankly, i don’t give a fuck! I don’t know any slut who care about these two dingos. They write this shit on twitter anyway! Wasteful internet hours!
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