Everyones favourite delicate flower Lindsay Lohan shows us her sensitive, sweet side in this new photoshoot. And by that i mean her sensitive labia and her sweet middle finger.

Ever the graceful lady, Lindsay flashes her arse, her boobs, and generally looks like the drunken nightmarish skank we all know she is – except instead of facebook pictures these are actual magazine photos. If you say so.

If Lindsay had a ’style guide’ it’d be 16 pages of different shades and textures of vomit drenched blouses, 14 pages of urine stained undies and the last 12 would be different shades of fag ash, burned jacket samples and coke packets. Therefore London is probably hedging bets on a nice uptick on the old drug industry since Lindsay’s probably going to move there.

With Wino and Lohan in the same town, it’s only a matter of time before we see a crack fueled fight that looks like two anorexic cats in a bag. To see more pictures of Lindsay Lohan looking like she’s just banged 14 buses of soldiers who’ll never look at a vagina with the same zeal again, read on.

Lindsay Lohan is like a stripper that you got really drunk with, and in your wasted misjudgment, you paid for oral sex with. Now you’ve got herpes, you keep picking ash out of your teeth and she wont stop calling because that night was the “best moment of her life”.

Anyway, here is that crazy 48 year old on the cover of a magazine looking like Jesus, well Jesus if he had been a Flavor of Love contestant and smoked 80 a day.

The thing about this is, that Lindsay is absolutely going to twitter about this at some stage like we give a crap. That skank is waiting by her phone with a cigarette in hand so she can vehemently slam controversy over this picture, but the thing is that the only people who give a shit about Lindsay Lohan pissing all over religions are gay bishops who read Heat magazine.

So please make this all stop and leave it to the professionals. Heres Lindsay at her 23rd birthday party. Oh you thought she was older? You mean like 24? 25? 63?

Im not sure if its more tragic or funny, but Lindsay Lohan has made a parody of an eHarmony video in which she admits to be an alcoholic who is crazy and has a restraining-order happy ex girlfriend.

That sneaky bitch Cokey Lohan saw what was happening, Hollywood was dropping her ass like a bag of bad crack mixed with soap powder. Now she’s doing what any mature woman would do in the midst of personal crisis.

She’s selling her story to USWeekly.

Highlights of Lohan’s chronicles of her downfall include the revelation that she’s in “Absolute hell”  which im assuming is a lot like rehab or a library to her.

She also recalls the final showdown between her and Samantha Ronson as “humiliating” and went on to say that “Everyones turned on me” which leads us to the true gem in this shit-stain of a story.

When Nicole Richie walked past Lohan being restrained by the bouncers at Ronson’s party she apparently said “Uck” according to Lohan. Just her Uck! In L.A speech this is a way of clearly voicing disgrace without any effort which might burn up necessary calories that have to be saved for such tasks as breathing or standing up.

Drea De Matteo totally exploded her image of being a hard bitch skank by telling lohan to “Come at me, bitch!” and that is why Drea De Matteo is possibly the best celebrity in Hollywood for today alone. What Lohan probably declined to inform the magazine is why Drea De Matteo would possibly have any reason to hate Lindsay Lohan. Because Lindsay Lohan is the picture of etiquette .

I can just see Drea dropping her bitch bag on the ground, hitching up her designer dress and pulling her weave tracks out to lay down fight times. 

Lohan ends the interview by saying “I’m just a girl in love!” and “it felt like Mean Girls, but worse, Mean girls was a MOVIE”.

HEY HEY EVERYONE REMEMBER WHEN I HAD A CAREER AND EVERYONE LOVED ME LIKE IN THAT HIT MOVIE MEAN GIRLS? REMEMBER? OH COME ON GUYS DONT ACT LIKE U DONT REMEMBER. U DO!!! LOLLLLL OMG GUYS WHY ARE U ALL BEING LIKE THIS. IT’S NOT FUNNY ANY MORE YOU GUYS. UH LOOK ISNT BRITNEY SPEARS STILL FAT OR SOMETHING? CAN’T U GUYS JUST DEAL WITH HER?

Lesbo Druggy Mess Lindsay Lohan has been crying for our attention for several weeks now by having heated arguments with her big lezzy girlfriend Samantha Ronson. Apparently according to the infallibly accurate newsource known as twitter, Ronson did what anyone would do once she realized that actually being with Lindsay Lohan was like having sex with a really agressive and disgraceful twiglet; she cheated on her ass until her cooch was crying tears of joy!

Anyone who knows a Lindsay Lohan adequite email will know that this is not good for that firey temper and therefore the two vagina lovers have split ways. Of course, Samnatha Ronson has had to look into a restraining order against Lindsay because that is one angry firecrotch you know will be banging down your door at 4am like a rough bootycall who “Couldn’t find you on Facebook”. 

I generally don’t cover Lohan/Ronson news because, frankly, i don’t give a fuck! I don’t know any slut who care about these two dingos. They write this shit on twitter anyway! Wasteful internet hours!

Yes! Christmas has come early! Lindsay Lohan is already a world famous writer for her deep and intellectual musings on the whirlwind celebrity culture we live in. However, Lindsay has been quiet as of late because she is busy munching out Samantha Ronson's muff. I am dissapointed in her lack of multitasking abilities, you don't need your fingers to munch rug!

Anyway, Lindsay Lohan has wiped Samantha's fishy scent from her hands, cracked her knuckles and got down to work doing what she does best – bitching and whining via her blog, of course!!!! Anyone can blog!!! Thats why this website is still here!!!!!!

To read the full blog, click below.

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Lindsay Lohan has issued a statement saying she is pissed that LAPD Chief William Bratton called her out as a problem cured by the groundbreaking new treatment of loving the snatch.

Bratton claimed that with Britney Spears sane again, Paris Hilton in a long term contact with a man and Lohan bumping flaps with Sam Ronson that the streets of LA are once again safe from pap frenzies. 

Lohan fought back by rounding up a group of angry lesbians to pelt his office with burning undergarments. No, actually she just said

"'Police chiefs shouldn't get involved in everybody else's business or their personal lives. It's inappropriate,".

I am so fucking glad I wasn't sipping on coke when I read this trash because Lindsay Lohan using the word inappropriate is funny for a multitude of reasons, primarily because it's Lindsay Fucking Lohan, but also because it reminds me of Lindsay Lohan's Blackberry Diaries.

Some things you will never forget, and in my mind, nephews birthdays are purged to make way for more important things, like Lindsay Lohan's blackberry activities. Life is bliss for me, as you can tell.

Lindsay Lohan was hit by a motorbike while out partying with girlfriend Samantha Ronson in New York on Saturday. Her daddy-of-the-year told the New York Post that Lindsay was unharmed by the incident.

So this begs the question, did she get hit by the bike, or did she hit the bike?

Read the rest of the story here.

Image: Getty Images

Lindsay Lohan's blood sister, Ali, is starting her quest to become the next Miley Cyrus, she's doing a remarkable job so far. Her song, isn't that bad

I've listened to it on repeat for the last half hour because strangely enough, it doesn't want to make me want to kill myself. 

So what's next for Ali? Wet t-shirt photos. I mean she's only 14, and you know the pedos like fresh meat. Miley time to pack your bags, you sluttyhoe.