Posts tagged Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson is still looking healthy.
Jul 3rd
And by healthy i mean her titties are so giant that they’ve petitioned for state status and theres a panel of senators masturbating furiously in deliberation. Yes, Here is Jessica Simpson making Jennifer Garner look like an A-Cup and telling Brooke Shields to go back to Vietnam with the other trannies.
Not since Mariah Carey saw a chocolate fountain in Aspen have SPANX endured this much abuse. Her poor spanx friends are weeping inside but her bra is having a fucking shindig up in this business,. Her bra knows that it’s holding the most substantial load in the damn room. It’s a shame Brooke Shields had to ruin the sexual fantasy of the above picture by being a transvestite. Its like a a pleasant and erotic scroll across until you reach Brooke Shields and then it’s like FUCK NO! Brooke shouldn’t be here, she should be giving insightful quotes in interviews.
Jessica Simpson still isn’t the brightest bulb.
Mar 26th
Jessica Simpson’s twitter tends to read as 10,000 reasons to stay in school, but I’ll be damned if this girl isn’t savvy with her viewing demographic.
Uhm..
Jessica Simpson knows that malnourished women across the world everywhere are a captive audience for the 2 hours a day when they aren’t collapsing or vomiting up their dignity, so that’s why she and her gaggle of hideous affiliates made Price of Beauty, to tell those women that they are bad! Bad anorexic! BAD!
If Jessica Simpson tells YOU that being too thin is bad, and then you see her in wallmart mum jeans wiggling her bingo wings at you, don’t tell me you wouldn’t make moon eyes at the nearest toothbrush.
Happy Fourth of July
Jul 3rd
Tomorrow, our lucky American readers will be celebrating their Independence Day. We thought Jessica Simpson‘s rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner would be an appropriate way to forget their are two wars, Perez Hilton getting bashed, an uprising and a military coup happening in our world at the present moment.
Random News
Aug 2nd
- Hairspray’s Nikki Blonsky has been arrested and charged with assault, after her and her father had a run-in with America’s Next Top Model contestant Bianca Golden. All 3 could face jail time in a Caribbean prison. Sounds like a great getaway retreat. Do you think it involved a fat taunt?
- Cher, Kelsey Grammer, Shia LeBeouf, Lindsay Lohan, Bernie Mac and Amy Winehouse all attended a medical center in the past 7 days. I’m gonna throw myself off a roof now so I can be a victim too.
- Sean Bean and Balthazar Getty are rumoured to be opening a Club Med for men who are too retarded in relationships.
Movie News:
- The new Harry Potter film trailer premiered. Film buffs have been orgasing all summer and they will be doing much the same this winter.
- RottenTomatoes.com told us something we already knew, the new Mummy film looks like shit.
And we end with the album cover for Jessica Simpons’ new CD. The crabs are safe and sound.
Image sources: TMZ, SonyBMG
Jessica Simpson & success: reunite
Jun 17th
Hey it's Steffi Aniston reporting from Hicksville, Tennessee and we've just received word that a Jessica Simpson's new single "Come On Over" has just entered the Billboard Country Radio Charts and as expected the Simpson camp has gone wild. It seems Jessica's pursuit of the Deep South has paid dividends.
Joe Simpson is delighted and he can't wait for Jessica to get home where they will celebrate by urinating on each other and playing Joe's favourite game, "Daddy Does Daughter". Since Joe has sold off Ashlee to the Wentz family back in May, it's been relativey quiet around the household and Joe is really desperate to beat Dina Lohan at the parenting stakes.
In keeping with the country theme, Jessica Simpson will film the music video in an abattoir in New Mexico. It will basically be a "FUCK YOU" video to PETA as she dances around dead carcasses of pigs as a native family from the local Baptist church perform their own version of The Aristocrats.
This is Steffi Aniston, reporting for LA Deli.
Jessica Simpson makes for a hot arab.
Feb 4th
In an unfortunate turn of events, Jessica Simpson wondered into the sun last week and emerged alive. A friend close to Simpson, Coco the Clown, said that she was “doing fine” and would be “back to her old self in no time.”
Despite being a scientist trained in sunology I have no real explanation for her survival, I can however say that she now makes airport officials nervous and is a mention of Mohammed away from arrest.
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