Everyone knows that Trailer Muffin hasn’t sung a damn live note in her entire Circus tour, the croaky frog living inside her cheeto-lined throat wont get out of bed for any less than $75 a day. I guess Britney had saved up from the extra money she’s saving from McDonalds and paid the croaky frog to do his thing, since she sung Alanis Morisette’s You Oughta Know 100% in Greensboro last night. Lil Croakers also managed a LINE of her own song Everytime.  Britney fans were moist across the land and the croaky frog is totally spent how. He’s chilling on her tonsils with a pipe right now. A job well done? You decide (but be nice ; the croaky frog is sensitive)

Because there is an angry beached manatee known as K-Fed who is known to bite, especially for those high in douche factor.  TMZ.com posted some shirtless pictures of K-Fed and whilst three years ago I’d secretly be loving this idea, right now I am not-so-secretly vomitting over it.

All i can say is THIS SHIT IS GRIM.

Here is ex Brit Brit really being destroyed over missing out on that hot piece of lard.

When I fell out of my mother’s womb, I immediately knew my life would lead up to the moment St. Heidi Montag of Beverly would stand on stage as a legitimate performer as well as Saint, Tittyhorse and general perfection. Therefore I can now bow out of life knowing that Heidi’s raw, dripping energy and fierce vocal talent made it’s public stage debut at the prestigious Miss Universe contest.

Heidi motherfucking raped channelled Britney Spears’ 2000 VMA performance costume for her own stage debut, but that’s okay because comparing the above video with Britney’s lacklustre stage performance below, Heidi can sleep well knowing that she is the best in her field.

The worst part about this shitstorm is making fun of this  Horsey bitch makes me secretly enjoy listening to her absolutely fucking horrific music for it’s comical value. Fuck it!

Everyone and their sister had their knickers in a fankle over Britney Spears not actually singing a fucking note at her (awesome) Circus Tour.  Turns out Brit did actually sing a couple of bars on the tour and I think the world is generally thankful that we didn’t have to hear it. Until now!!!

Update: Allegdly this vid is a fake, but you can catch brit doing this shit live in 2004 here.

Bitch is not that bad, but she’s hardly fucking Celine Dion either. She sounds like a kid in her room on youtube in the first vid.  I was waiting to cringe when she hit the high note but thankfully she was merciful and actually hit the note.  Which makes it even more inexcusable that she is constantly off on about a zillion other notes.

And by that i mean ‘Teen Choice Arrivals’ i of course mean ‘People who turned up who actually interest me’ and that is pretty much Britney Spears and no-one else. The Teen Choice Awards can call it a day as soon as Trailer Muffin showed up because the job is done. Money is made. Time for home.

Brit Brit was probably only there because she heard that the Giant Walking Caramel Frap formerly known as Kim Kardashian would also be there.

Kim had a long night of running away from Brit Brit screaming “But ah just wants a little sip! I wont hurtchoo AH PROMISE!”

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Someone in Trailer Muffin’s camp gave her an annual bath today, told her to scrub up and pushed her out the front door in a posh bathing suit, because Brit was running around L.A looking for ‘mah baybees’. Her ‘baybees’ of course are frappuccino light and whipped cream.

Just kidding, Brit has some awards shows coming up this fall so bitch was doing a video shoot or something OF THAT NATURE.

No Cheetos for a month.

Just when WOMB-AND-IZAH had finally been drop kicked from my brain, it has managed to claw its way back in thanks to the motherfucking VMAs. Britney Spears lifted 7 nominations for Circus and Womanizer’s videos. They just nominate her to get her there. She is up against Lady Gaga and Beyonce who have 9 nominations each for Poker Face, Paparazzi and Single Trannies respectively.

More importantly, here is Britney Spears next to a malnourished orphan.

Many were shocked and worried that Spears had brazenly decided to take to the party scene last night, but their minds will be put at rest when they see she was simply going out to give a dying, emaciated orphan her final wish.

We saw the Brit Brit ‘If I Dance I’ll Get Mah Baybees Back’ Tour when it rolled it’s southern fried ass into London and thought it was great. Yes we love that trailer muffin like a cat loves milk, and like Lindsay Lohan loves attention. We aren’t sorry, and neither is this ho who went to see Britney.

This glitterbomb called Troy Miller took a little trip to the Circus himself and before Muffin even dropped from the sky to the stage he was an emotional wreck. Troy, don’t worry, we understand, seeing such trailer park elegance brought the happy times to us too. But Troy is seriously weeping like Brit Brit is Mother Theresa back by the Miracle of Rebirth. Maybe she is?

But the real gift to the world isn’t just troy’s weeping glands from the arrival of the Queen of Fraps, Troy also has many videos of his glittery self getting his grooooove on to Britney in his room. For reference – his wall is covered with the following posters – Obsessed with Beyonce and Ali Larter, 17 Again with Zac Efron and finally the Hannah Montana Movie.

Troy also gets a little frisky with a pole in his rendition of trailer muffin’s radar. I’ll let you scar yourself with that one.

Looks like Britney Spears’ fans are going to receive a Christmas present this year from Britney, after she twitted that she was back in the studio with Max Martin in Stockholm.

Speculation is that she’s back in the studio for a possible re-release of her latest album “Circus”, a new album, Christmas CD or she just wanted to give a microphone a blowjob. It’s all rather exciting but I hope to see more tracks in the vain of Blackout than something like My Baby.

If you were wondering why all the local prostitutes and other trailer people emerged from their local diners and howled at the sky shedding a lone tear today it is because Trailer Muffin is in danger!

The National Enquirer (uh) alleges that Trailer Muffin hasn’t been eating right and is working out too much. Apparently she fell on a dancers leg (DEAD BITCH) and somehow in this picture she got kicked in the face.

This reminds me of that time i collapsed on tour. It was really sad, because when i collapsed i fell into a huge sea of wangs and vaginas, and everyone was screaming my name. It was followed with a lot of sexy sex and then I rode home on a unicorn. It may or may not have been reality.