RIP tiny tiny wreslters.

Somehow, I don’t think that BBC News will feature the story “Mexican Midget Wrestling in mourning for two stars poisoned by organized ring of fake prostitutes” but you know, one can only hope, because seeing that roll off of James Dagwell’s sparkly, lucious lips would complete my life.

The world of Mexican midget wrestling is in mourning after two of its most famous stars were apparently poisoned by fake prostitutes.

Brothers in armlocks Alberto and Alejandro Pérez Jiménez were found dead in a hotel room after being drugged and robbed. The women who spiked the twins’ drinks are thought to be members of an organised crime gang who pose as prostitutes to attract victims.

They normally just knock out their victims but the dose proved too much for Alberto – aka ‘La Parkita’ (Little Death) and Alejandro – aka ‘Espectrito II’. The 36-year-olds were veteran stars of the ‘Lucha Mini’ world of midget wrestling.

This is a sad day for tiny wrestlers and Mexican prostitutes across the land. The upside is that the funeral probably didn’t hurt the Mexican prostitution business.  A lot of sad midgets and a lot of mourning prostitutes = recipe for a fiscal restart. It is now up to the world to find the monstrous women who not only kill midgets for money, but also are sullying the fine institute of whores across the world!

American news reporting is so great. Where here in Blighty if our fluff stories are about cats who survived in a drainpipe for a decade and puppies who can bark to the Spice Girls (I can see that shit in my mind ‘And Now, a puppy that really really wants to be a…pop star? Nina Nanarr Reports’) in America they have total ghetto fluff stories; like a prostitute is stuck up a tree and shit.

Anyway Dlisted.com posted this amazing video of a Squirrel who has set up camp in between some mammoth titties. This Squirrel popped out to say ‘Ello Govnah’ during a police interview in which, apparently, the woman was being questioned “Who ate all the pies?” When the squirrel pops out to answer all truthy-like (Squirrels dont lie) the woman pushes the squirrel back in and suggests they visit Mariah Carey’s house instead. That squirrel has ‘Tinkerbell Syndrome’ for sure.