Jessica Alba has opened her miserable BJ mouth to tell the world that child birth is really not so bad, in fact it is like meditation.

Jessica Alba obviously didn't give birth right because I saw that birthing video shit in sex ed and I know for a fact that a torn vagina does not a meditation experience make. 

She said: "I didn't scream. It was really Zen. The labor was more like meditation. I did yoga breathing. I was focused. I ate a lot of soul food before she was born."

Yeah and we all know that soul food = regular food with 18 capsules of valium and a goblet of morphine ground in. Her vagina probably just opened up after all that shit like a venus flytrap spitting out its food.

Actually forget that, it's Jessica Alba, her vagina has worked the rounds. That baby just crawled out.