Stupid
Celebrity Stupidity
Uh Oh.
May 27th
Immediately after watching this video I called homeland security to ensure that they still definitely had nuclear weaponry, because now that Heidi’s skipped a few stages of education to go straight to “shooting shit up” then we are definitely going to need to keep our fingers near that button. A dumb, fame hungry blonde with a gun is a dangerous thing.
Heidi thinks that running around shooting shit and pouting at the end will be enough to make her the new Megan Fox and get her the vacant role in Transformers 3. Of course this would be entirely true if it weren’t for Heidi’s new face looking like the re-constructive result of a nasty tar-tank accident.
Some things you cannot unsee. This video was one of them.
Jessica Simpson still isn’t the brightest bulb.
Mar 26th
Jessica Simpson’s twitter tends to read as 10,000 reasons to stay in school, but I’ll be damned if this girl isn’t savvy with her viewing demographic.
Uhm..
Jessica Simpson knows that malnourished women across the world everywhere are a captive audience for the 2 hours a day when they aren’t collapsing or vomiting up their dignity, so that’s why she and her gaggle of hideous affiliates made Price of Beauty, to tell those women that they are bad! Bad anorexic! BAD!
If Jessica Simpson tells YOU that being too thin is bad, and then you see her in wallmart mum jeans wiggling her bingo wings at you, don’t tell me you wouldn’t make moon eyes at the nearest toothbrush.
Simon Moonjack gives tour of Brittany Murphy’s death place.
Mar 23rd
Simon Moonjack is the classy jabba-the-hutt who was married to Brittany Murphy through some freak of nature where Brittany Murphy lowered her standards that much. Ever since Brittany’s passing, Simon has been speaking to anyone who will listen about how he’s not responsible for her death. Because the media assumed that the fat ugly guy married to the beautiful young starlet probably killed her or let it happen. But Simon has protested his innocence by mourning loudly a lot. Think the male Tila Tequila.
Obviously as the world tries to move on from the passing of a star – Simon realized that press was slipping on his wifes passing and so invited radaronline.com into the bathroom where his wife died. Yes. Really.
Simon Says “You’re the first people to ever see the infamous bathroom,” Simon painfully told RadarOnline.com Saturday afternoon. Today was the three month anniversary of her [Brittany’s] death and before I saw you I was actually with Sharon at the grave. This is the little doggy couch where she actually fell and she was put on her side right here,” Simon says pointing to a leopard print couch and a place on the floor next to it. “When the paramedics came in they pulled her through here, into one of the closets and into the main room.” In a display of raw emotion and heart-breaking sadness, Simon takes a minute to absorb the images of the bathroom before telling RadarOnline.com, “This is the first time I’ve come in here actually. It’s shocking.”
I think it’s going to take a good long shower to get clean after seeing that video. He might as well have offered them pictures with their thumbs up on the doggy bed holding a sign saying “Britterz Died Here!!!”. So wrong.
Forehead Tittaes!
Mar 10th
My new favourite thing in life, possibly ever, is Marion Cotillard proving that actually, yes, funnyordie.com is worth the terrabytes it uses with her ad for FOREHEAD TITTAES.
Todays Fodder: Airline Safety Videos!
Feb 28th
The most enjoyable part of any flight is watching air hostesses make twats of themselves with life vests to save the lifes of others! They’ve done this seven million times this week, so they always look like their piles have just burst throughout this painful procedure, unless you are flying with Singapore Airlines in which case the foot massage and array of facials you are in the process of receiving mean you can’t even see them doing a small parade down the aisles with this safety message.
Anyway here is a selection of some of the best airline safety videos, let’s start with
DELTA AIR
Why? There’s nothing like being distracted from the important safety message at hand by the nearly-pornographic voice of the attendant, and in this case, the massive overuse of plastic surgery resulting in sausage lips.
Other highlights include the air hostess who is “so sorry” when she tells a passenger they can’t light up. In what universe is this?!
next up…
Ashley Cole now recruiting a new beard.
Feb 23rd
The Ashley Cole – Cheryl Tweedy business partnership has come to an end. Tweedy, keen to keep her “down to earth no-nonsense girl” image was faced with another instance of Cole playing away from home with women, which is kind of funny since he’s definitely not a homosexual .
So now we can all mourn the end of a true loving marriage that wasn’t a publicity stunt to forward Tweedy’s career and public standing after she had a little itty-bitty racially aggravated assault scandal.
Kevin Smith is too fat to fly / Why I Hate Ryanair
Feb 14th
Kevin Smith, director of ‘Jersey Girl’ and ‘Clerks’ was recently booted off of a SouthWest Air flight because the captain saw the payload triple and asked the flight attendants to check the cabin for any elephants or houses that might have snuck onboard.
After Kevin squeezed his thighs into an economy class seat (which he points out he did “with the arm rests down” and “without a seatbelt extender” just incase you were wondering) an air hostess walked on up to him and told him “Sorry sir, we are concerned for the safety of those sitting on the aisles during the event of a bathroom break”
Okay she didn’t say that, but she did tell him the Captain wanted his jigglypuff ass off the plane. Of course Kevin has probably never flown with Ryanair because in fairness he wouldn’t actually fit on a Ryanair flight, but he should probably give it a whirl if his entertaining backlash on Twitter is any precedent.
If Ryanair was a person, it’d be Ann Coulter. They have no soul and hate life. Ryanair are bastards for a number of reasons. I will now list them so read on…..
The Bravest Soldier in LA
Jul 16th
All in the name of a few thousand dollars, one brave man had a family to feed, and he decided to try and get a Paris Hilton upskirt.
I know, I know. It’s ridiculous isn’t it? How could someone be so stupid, with such reckless disregard for their own safety; sure to become victim to a certain grisly and painful demise. What he does not know is what he has captured is like that movie The Ring. Paris’ Ring will keep killing. it wont stop. That camera will spread it like the fungal infection it is.
Images: WENN/ONTD
You can’t feed people MAC Cosmetics.
Jul 16th
A Tranny
Christina Aguilera has taken a break from eating tranny to save the world. BBC News is reporting this ho is now global ambassador for World Hunger Relief. Tranny-Get-Your-Gun says she wants to raise awareness about the issue and move people from hunger to hope. Here’s a good way to give people hope – no more shit CDs!
She added: “It is unacceptable that a child dies every six seconds somewhere around the world from hunger.”
Africa called, they said “we’ll pass.” They’ve just gotten over Angelina Jolie’s Concerned Face, and Madonna trying to feed her snatch with the children! They do not need the tranny clown of nightmares trying to feed them MAC lipliner.
You know she would be looking for berries and fucking dirt in the desert to touch up her foundation and rouge. Then she will help their hunger woes by singing them a medley of her ‘Greatest Hits’ with four costume changes. Three african children will die during this performance, none will enjoy it.
The most inappropriate youtube video ever.
Jul 2nd
Well if this doesn’t make you feel massively uncomfortable then try watching this directly after three hours of watching The Hills. Theres sure to be a little vomit in your mouth by that stage.
Mr Mac needs to be careful with his paint. And his molesting.
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