Star Chart
The 21 biggest celebrities of 2008: #20
Dec 12th
Isn’t Sarah Jessica Parker like the hottest piece of horse you’ve ever seen? Anyway she makes our list simply because we had an animal quota to fill and also because Sex And The City was such a huge hit at the box office. Rumours are circulating that a sequel is being shot next year for a summer 2010 release. Stay tuned.
The 21 biggest celebrities of 2008: #21
Dec 10th
With 21 days until 2009, we at the LA Deli have compiled a list of celebrities that have rocked the celebrity world, whether it be in a good way or a bad way. Whether they broke a paparazzi’s neck or grew their very own vagina in public, they all deserve to be on this list. Making new headlines is one thing, but its what you do to make those headlines that sorts you out from the Mileys to the Selenas.
Starting at #21. It’s a man that the staff at LA-Deli wanna have hot sweaty butt sex with until the day we die. He looks like an animal, but it’s those animal instincts that make us wanna lick the cum off his pe…….
Anyway, congratulations to Hugh Jackman for making the list. Crowned sexiest man alive by UsWeekly and for secretly having sex with men on the side. (Star Magazine can be right sometimes you know!)
Well done Hugh.
[Picture: Just Jared]
The Starchart Returns: Starchart June.
Jul 7th
Yes it's a little late, but who cares! Heres the most visible stars of June. Both tabloid stars and genuine stars are eligible.
1. PARIS HILTON (-)
Who? Obnoxious media socialite and bane of our existence.
Reason: Bitch went to jail, didn't she? Surprised her ass is still intact since you know a butch lesbian shoved a nailfile up in there.
Most Delicious Moment: Watching her and her unstable vagina break down in jail as she realized that people in jail don't get pedicures and cock facials and that jail isn't a fun sleepover party at all!
2. BRITNEY SPEARS (1)
Who? One time pop princess, now insane Michael Jackson mess. Britney makes us sad.
Reason: Brit Brit, in her infinite wisdom, is now claiming her meltdown was just her taking a possible movie role too seriously. She also is at war with her mother, whom she claims is crazy. That's right Britney, mom's the crazy one.
Most Delicious Moment: Watching her pull her tiny denim shorts out of her asscrack whilst she hands her mother a warning letter. She is just so classy and beautiful it brings a tear to my eye.
3. RIHANNA (-)
Who? Smokin hot Bajan singer with hit after hit tune delivered to her. Also known as Fiveheads.
Reason: Umbrella is poised to be the biggest hit of the year. Shut up & Drive gaining serious traction and her #1 album is a smash hit across the globe. The public is sure to get sick of her like they did with Beyonce and Britney in 5…4…3…
Hottest Moment: None really. She's quite boring actually.
4. KELLY CLARKSON (-)
Who? Everyones favourite American Idol. She has a beautiful voice and soul and that's all that matters people.
Reason: Her new album is causing controversy after her record label basically hated it. Then it debuted behind Hannah Montana in the charts. That's not very American Idol of her.
Hottest Moment: Watching her squeeze herself into odd corset things even though Kelly is not of small build!
5. SHIA LABEOUF (-)
Who? A young actor who starred in Disturbia and Transformers. He actually does, you know, something to be famous.
Reason: Leading the biggest surprise hit of the year and starring in the biggest blockbuster of the summer season is pretty much good enough reason. He's whoring himself in every magazine that will take him.
Most Delicious Moment: Saying he wants to avoid being like Lindsay Lohan by cancelling any major 21st birthday party. Blissfully unaware that it takes more than a 21st Birthday Party to get you to where Lindsay Lohan's at. It takes a country supply of cocaine and White Oprah.
The Deli Honour Roll 2006
Jan 1st
Last Year, Mariah Carey was crowned top deli ho for general dedication to crazyness and her great consistency at looking like a huge sausage, but has it changed this year? With Mariah no longer out promoting her beautiful musical creations and with Bai Ling having fallen into a ditch for much of the year, the dynamics of the Deli have shifted! Gone are the wonky nipples of Tara Reid, replaced by the wonky vagina of Britney Spears! So lets get to it, who’s been making me write way more than I want to be writing? And who’s fallen out of last years list? Read on to find out…
More >
Star Chart: December 19th
Dec 19th
The Star Chart will now be fortnightly for two reasons.
A) The fact that it even exists makes me want to shoot myself
B) I am much too busy these days.
So lets see if Britney Spears has retained her trash ass crown as top of the tabloids.
Star Chart: November 27th
Nov 27th
An all new star chart for an all new week. Which slut is number one and who’s crashing out?!
More >
Star Chart: November 20th.
Nov 20th
The Star Chart is a hot new feature where we chart Hollywood’s top five talked about based on how much exposure they are getting in trashy columns like this, in the press and in the general public. Check back every Monday to see if your favourite celeb has been gossiped about enough to get a mention.
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