When reading coverage of Miley Cyrus allegedly dating a 20 year old underwear model, it seems the rest of the world forgot that sexual relations between a 15 year old and a 20 year old are, in fact, classed as statutory rape almost everywhere that counts. Is everyone okay with this? Like, I’m not going to be super surprised if they take a Christian vacation to France to legally have sex together as much as is physically possible see the beautiful religious sites the country is so famous for.

Of course, the first sighting of the two together was when the model, named Justin Gaston, was going to Church with Miley and her family.  In obviously suitable church attire, and definitely not clothes you’d see on a go-go dancer in a seedy New York bar.

Also, this is a 20 year old. That body, is 20 years old. Not 24 or even 26, 20. Did he start toning and working out as a fetus? Yes, thats the sound of bitter hatred, but then again, how jealous can you be of someone dating the most irritating 15 year old in human existence.

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I wish every day was Heidi Montag’s birthday! Because that way I could have a different touching intimate moment between two soul-mates as my desktop 365 days of the year!

I think doctors should quit subscribing anti-depressants and just show patients images of Heidi and Spencer’s very real and raw moments together. It is sure to cheer them up, right?

Sheer glamour itself.

Okay maybe the sight of a giant tampon and a giant douche being total attention sluts for a glimmer of shallow fame might not be the best thing to show someone on the brink of suicide, especially not with Heidi’s tragic boob job. Heidi’s twatted titties haunt me in horrible dreams in which they wrestle with Jodie Marsh’s box titties. Titty fight! Wonk Nips and a little seepage!!!

But i know it works for me! Whenever i feel down I whip out my Heidi and Spencer candids and life is beautiful all over again. I am an addict and Heidi Montag’s Facial Expressions are my crack. I can seriously think of no job more wonderful than being the paparazzi who documents these moments. I hope in a thousand years when people dig up relics of our society, they find Heidi and Spencer candids.

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The gossip world is like a suckling baby and Britney Spears is the teet. Haha, fuck, teet is a funny word. I don't care what you bitches think, im going to take a moment to tickle my nuts to the word teet. TEET! TITTY TEET! TWAT TEETIES! Okay its out of my system now, and I don't know why i made that analogy, but im glad to report that the word teet can safely be used near the name Britney Spears now without people shuddering violently.  

Here is a video of Britney looking sizzling whilst rehearsing to a new song apparently called "It's Been a Long Time"  which i suppose is correct if you are referring to the duration since Britney Spears was last sane, although no word if it's a new album song, or just a cut track from Blackout, who gives a cat's fart anyway?

Video: Britney's Back!

MTV are such assholes, they leak this shit to make you watch the VMAs only to find Britney riding in on an elephant or some shit. Everyone will clap ravenously and be like "Oh she is such a brave legend! Look everyone, she's riding an elephant, isn't that clever referential subtlety?! I think so!" and around an MTV table some executives will be giving handjobs to each other for managing to get people to actually watch the VMAs without actually having any interesting performers whatsoever.

Call me back when Britney is taming a bird of prey for a performance. I'd love to see that bird and Brit Brit have a swirling fight to the death over her weave. Brit would win, obviously, she is from the SOUF. She probably cooked rare birds of prey for dinner around the age she was having sex and doing drugs, that'd be around the age of 15 then according to her mother. 

Can i just say i was hitting the bottle around a year later than this bitch, so thats no biggy, and most of the sluts i know were knocked up at 15 anyway. I guess thats because i love sluts though.

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Britney Spears and "Hot" haven't been words that have been seen together without their good friend "not" in quite some years. Anyway I have no idea what the fuck is going on here in these MTV promos for the new VMA's, but I gotta give Trailer Muffin mad props for actually working with MTV again after they let her publicly humiliate herself when she was mentally ill.

You know, im loving the whole Tyra Banks cameo. I wonder how many bitches she killed to get to be in Trailer Muffin's derriere. Expect an 9 part special of The Tyra Banks Show where she talks about how hard it is being a fat elephant lady and also discusses how she is basically a lot prettier than Britney Spears and drops in some story about how Britney asked her for spiritual guidance. Britney probably just said "Hey, you there, whurs the nearest Starbucks? I needs me a frap!"

Russell Brand is un-necessary and I wish MTV would stop trying to make him happen.  He probably cried himself to sleep with joy for being around Britney. I actually never thought i'd see the day where Britney would look even half like the woman she used to, but she is definitely looking like Britney of old now.

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Like i will use any excuse to post about the deity known as Jennifer Garner and what better excuse than her selling shitty night creams!? Girl probably only uses the finest curdled cheetah jizz on her face or something because you do not get Jennifer Garner's skin from a Neutrogena night cream and that is a fact.

See the commercial and grab a towel here.

In the commercial she basically says that Neutrogena cream will hide the years of skin damage that being a cracked out hooker might have inflicted. No, seriously, she actually says "Every girl has a past, When she did some things that…maybe she shouldn't. But i say 'No one ever has to know'". What skin damaging things could a girl want to hide other than raping a loofah or doing copious amounts of drugs? Way to market your product to former Playboy Bunnies, Neutrogena!

I don't know why the apple of my eye hints that she has been a bad girl because we all know that she is the designated replacement for Mother Theresa at some stage. Angelina Jolie is a thief and a pretender! 

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Trailer Muffin, incase you haven't already noticed, has been looking really good lately. Jinxing it for sure now, but we at LA-DELI decided to take a look at event pictures of Britney over the years and see how she's matched up. Of course it's sad we are judging a woman's validity by her attractiveness, but when you sell records off of your mid-drift, le prix a payer! 

So here are completely unaltered red carpet pictures of Britney over the years.

This eliminates the flattering elements of photoshop and studio lighting, and the unflattering elements of very close flash photography from paparazzi pics. For the record, Britney has her share of unflattering candids from way back in the day. Funny what a million more paparazzi and a pop culture obsessed with celebrity will do for someones image.

I can't get enough of this ho! I stood the test of time and her basically losing her mind.

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No, this picture isn't from 2004!

You know how i'd posted about Britney looking a lot better recently. Well it's becoming a trend. Trailer Muffin turned up at an event. With cameras. And it wasn't a nightclub launch! She headed to a Generation Rescue event which is an autism research group that Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey love.

Girlfriend still looks a little tired around the eyes, but in LA they have ways of fixing tired eyes. It involves a raccoon, some ice, a douche bag and the ground up bones of a woman who has been dead for 107 years and 84 days, no younger, no older. Without this method, Sharon Stone would look like this 

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Jessica Alba has opened her miserable BJ mouth to tell the world that child birth is really not so bad, in fact it is like meditation.

Jessica Alba obviously didn't give birth right because I saw that birthing video shit in sex ed and I know for a fact that a torn vagina does not a meditation experience make. 

She said: "I didn't scream. It was really Zen. The labor was more like meditation. I did yoga breathing. I was focused. I ate a lot of soul food before she was born."

Yeah and we all know that soul food = regular food with 18 capsules of valium and a goblet of morphine ground in. Her vagina probably just opened up after all that shit like a venus flytrap spitting out its food.

Actually forget that, it's Jessica Alba, her vagina has worked the rounds. That baby just crawled out.

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Jeremy Edwards is a British actor who has appeared in such fine quality programming as Celebrity Big Brother. Suffice to say then that he is also washed up and has a history of drug use. With said drug use he also got kind of chubby, and anyone knows that an actor only good for his looks has issues when he starts to get fat.

So he decided to get the fat sucked out follow Mens Health's six-weeks to great abs challenge and now looks like this.

I'd definitely go to a Jeremy Edwards drug party and tell him that everythings okay and hes a fantastic actor and shit like that. You know I just want a little downtime with his 9th pec muscle.

This bitch clearly spent 89 hours a week in the Gym. I'm jealous and a little turned on.

more images of jeremey courtesy of famousmales

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I think theres something seriously wrong with me, either that or the world is plotting against me because I want to screw anything on legs right now, and David Beckham definitely has very lovely legs.

Just-Jared has posted these beautiful, beautiful new pictures of Beckham's Armani campaign. The Armani campaign was like the gift from god to make up for the mistake that is Christina Aguilera. Thank you god. Thank you.

I should mention I have difficulty seeing the entire pictures because my mind refuses to add all of the hotness together for fear of some sort of major stroke. So i have to micro-manage these pictures and would suggest you do too.

Thanks mainly to Just Jared for the gift that keeps on giving.

There should be a club for all of the dudes he turned gay. Like all of the dudes who got their first erection from Farah Fawcett have a club. It's more of a secret society really.

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