Fugly
Elle Magazine is full of shit.
Mar 25th
Grab your toothbrush readers, as Elle Magazine’s latest french issue is it’s big (wait for it) WEIGHT LOSS ISSUE!
Since summer is just a few hundred days away, women everywhere now have to kiss goodbye to that safety blanket known as layers and hibernation fat and say hello to the ritual humiliation of a beach holiday – and thereby they must purge, punish and pyongyang (?) until they look like Alessandra Ambrosio. Anything less would be an epic failure punishable by jumping off a cliff. Seriously, Elle magazine told me so.
If your legs are thicker than your wrists, purge some more!
It’s totally fair to put a model who has the body weight of a bottle fly on the cover of your weight loss and healthy exercise issue. That is definitely the correct message to be transmitting. If there was a bagel lying on the road, and if Alessandra and a starving African orphan were both eyeing it up, Alessandra would be the casualty.
After the jump is a bunch more pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio flailing around like the Twiglet that got legs and walked right out of the bag you left on the sofa when you fell asleep in your own poop.
Ron Howard cashes in on Heidi Montag’s freak face
Mar 9th
Never thought the names Ron Howard and Heidi Montag would be seen together in any context other than ‘Who was within 50 feet of each other at a red carpet event’ but Mr Howard upgraded from directing Angels & Demons to create a FunnyorDie.com video with Heidi Montag basically taking the piss out of her new face. Now i say new face, but i mean her old face, since she looks ollllllllllllllld, but its new.
Craig David’s face – WAT?
Feb 14th
I don’t want to be an asshole, but since it’s genetically imprinted in me to be so, I will just go right on ahead and say what everyone is thinking – Just what in the fuck is happening to Craig David’s face?
He’s allegedly 28 years old. ALLEGEDLY!
Things I can believe more than this:
Paris Hilton is a virgin
Brooke Hogan is on the path to a successful pop career
Heidi Montag has a high IQ
Sluts selling gutters!
Jun 23rd
C&A Building Plastics are responsible for some of the finest advertisments of our time. Unfortunately there is no ‘Baz Luhrman Presents’ at the start of the ads although im almost certain Baz was involved with these ads on some level. The ads were most likely by Saatchi & Saatchi and feature a glamorous natural blonde star of tomorrow, a modern day Bette Davis! Anne Hathaway should really watch her back because this girl is out for oscars if she puts in any more touching apperances like this.
Hottest Video of the Day
Jun 19th
Lily Allen‘s song takes a beating from Halomansy TV; as do some cushions, a bed, a dress and a bad weave/stubble combination.
This is why Youtube should not be allowed to those under the age of 21.
Amanda Bynes and her new lips.
Feb 14th
Amanda Bynes’ career hasn’t been on fire lately, so the obvious solution to a lack of roles is new lips!
I totally get this logic. When im not performing at work i just stuff a sausage into my top lip and suddenly my career hits new highs. Everyone thinks bruised housewife is a sexy look. If that doesn’t work then i lick my top lip lusciously, then everyone gets the REAL look i was going for, that being person with lips most likely to give great oral sex.
My kind of steak.
Jan 20th
MooMi is at it again. No not clearing the buffet table before 6pm, but trying to act! It’s well known fact that Mariah Carey is an actress of caliber and prestiege built from a strong filmography littered with roles in such cinematic classics as Glitter and…uhm, well that’s more than enough! So it should come as no surprise that Mariah is getting rave reviews for her performance as a stuffed sausage social worker in the new movie Push.
Somehow though, it is a big surprise. It really, really is. I am guessing these critics also enjoy german sausages and that is why they appreciate mimi. I will happily pay full admission for this movie to see this bitch crumble without makeup. Fabulous Butterfly Divas should never be without makeup. It’s like Anna Wintour and animal cruelty. The two should not be kept apart!
Paris Hilton is comedy gold.
Jan 6th
Sisters in Slut and, you know, blood and stuff.
“I think it’s important to play hard to get. Nobody wants the fake Prada bag; they want the brand new bag that no one can get and is the most expensive.” – Paris Hilton in British Glamour
Paris Hilton the Ass Ostrich is talking to British Glamour about how she’s only done ” a few people” and mainly “just kissed” . Lets be clear about something, Paris Hilton is to cocks is what Pandas are to bamboo, what Jessica Simpson is to mental retardation,what Christina Aguilera is to transvestite makeup and what Africa is to poverty. Without one, the other cannot exist! Why does she keep lie-telling out of her whore quim?
That sneaky trollop think’s shes all clever and shit, she can lie tell all she likes but when her vagina starts seeping through with ounzes of pure skank her ass is going to have to come up with a good explanation, and by good explanation i don’t mean a Fergie one.
Kevin Federline could lay off the cookies for a bit.
Jan 1st
I’m not going to say Kevin Federline has become a fat bastard, beacuse that’s really rude. What i will say is Kevin Federline should be kept away from African safaris, because if someone doesn’t try and shoot him for game then some mother elephant will probably mistake him as her baby. You know he’s the sneaky bitch who you invite round for Christmas who then eats all your festive biscuits.
Pictures: X17
Donatella Versace is too sexually alluring to function.
Dec 24th
It might surprise you to learn that Donatella Versace likes to spend her Christmases sunbathing in lush tropical paradises. I am guessing this is for two reasons. First of all Donatella Versace is very rich, and rich people are all allergic to cold climates and love beaches. Second of all, Donatella Versace is disgracefully pale, and needs to tan more often.Â
 
I hope she eased herself into this tanning business, you have to base tan first, because otherwise you will burn, and that can lead to skin cancer. But as you can see from the pictures, Donatella Versace takes great care to ensure her skin is protected from sun damage. Such a raw, untouched beauty.
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