Fashion Disasters
Forgot her weave.
Apr 5th
Britney Spears is making her crazy look like a distant memory these days, and in a shocking move of sanity she stepped out not wearing her rats nest!
Amy Wino was said to be a little sad that shes the only celeb left rocking truly terrible hair. She sent Britney a text message saying
"OI, BRITANY, WHAT R U DOIN U DAFT COW ? U HAF 2 KEEP UR HAIR LIKE IT WAS CAUSE I CANT DO DIS ALONE. PPL WILL FINK I AM A RITE BELLEND! R U STILL CRAZY OR WAT? TEA AND CRACK. WINO."
Britney, not one to turn her back on a fellow disaster, russled a dump truck and sent a clear message to wino that they are still sisters in skank.
Why does no one tell her this isn't okay? Theres obviously people telling her that the fug and crazy is unacceptable. Jamie Spears just needs time. It's like taking weening a baby from the boob. You can't stop all at once or it bites and Brit Brit is sharp in the tooth.
Mimi, No! No Mimi! Thats a bad Mimi!
Feb 28th
Mariah Carey is on the album promotion season right now. Yes she goes through seasons like a dog, and she probably dry humps Jack too. Just kidding, Jack wears the pants and does that ho right in the pooper! Gross. Anyway, Mimi's album promo season is basically like Christmas because she gives and gives and gives…ridiculous moments of awesomeness. This picture is a classic case of what I call "Scrolldown Stairs to Hell" Because you can gently scroll down and it's all looking okay, but you will reach a point where you know you have reached the layer of satan himself.
And yes, the red hooker platforms are hell, I am so proud of you for getting that one. My readers are smart, like foxes. Foxes are smart until they get run over, eaten by dogs, kicked by thugs, shot by pest control or worn by Sharon Stone. Sharon Stone alone is actually probably going to kill all the foxes on earth. She is the universes way of turning over the circle of life. And by universe i mean the devil, and by the devil, i mean Mariah Careys fugly platform shoes.
FAIL.
Feb 23rd
Angelina has been covering her big fat baby belly with just whatevers been handy really for a few weeks now and she decided she was tired of having to carry shit infront of her fat bump and instead announced it by wearing a skintight black dress. She thought she could maybe take a little bit of the attention away from herself by making sure that Brad looked hella fug.
Brad thinks hes in the 70s and that isn't the truth. Jennifer Aniston is coming out of this shit looking like roses because his hot has faded significantly in recent years and Maniston's is pretty much staying the same. She is having baby fat injected though or some shit because you do not hit 39 and still look like a 28 year old where im from. Brangelina are so old. Speidi is so now!
Speidi are going to win Oscars! They will rule the world!
Fire on the Crab Farm!
Feb 17th
Paris Hilton performs with the Pussycat Dolls wearing….something.
What the fuck even is this? Jesus christ. A WAIST CORSET? Belts buckled together around a bra? Way to bring focus to your mosquito tits Paris. It's so wrong, so typical of this skank, and so what im wearing this tuesday for my hot date.
Scientology tainted Posh!
Feb 11th
Posh Beckham (or POB as i like to call her because it reminds me of a PUG dog which reminds me of her) has been tainted!
You know Tom sliced her up and put baby aliens inside of her! ALIEN exploding scene on the red carpet. Hot.
Grammy Red Carpet
Feb 10th
Heres a pick of the red carpet Grammy guests.
Carrie Underwood looked smokin hot but those tits looked painted on. She is laising with Mariah Carey and they are totally painting on body parts. Mimi is going to paint a butterfly on her tits soon and then act as though the butterfly is inside of her.
Cyndi Lauper was too tired to stand up any more so she took a rest on a giant Grammy sign. She looks like the sun is hurting her. Time for her to demand ambient lighting. You know i demand that shit whenever i enter a room.
Ace Young from American Idol was there. He is so not relevant now, but he is hot and I think those rosy cheeks justify coverage. More Ace Young in the future please.
Hottest bitch of the night goes to Adrienne Lau. I have no idea who she is but i know she is up for hitching up already too-small skirts and that is fine by me. Bai Ling was sitting at home laughing deliciously at how she has the slutty asian crazy market cornered. Little did she know of the storm which has announced itself at the Grammys. Actually, poor Bai probably tried getting in but ended up passed out in a dumpster behind the red carpet…just kidding, BAI was of course there, she must have smelt competition.
This is high crapture! Bai looks like the lovechild of a Scottish sailor and a crumpet! Skinny slut.
Mika is a hot bitch and even though i want to punch him in the face sometimes, i also feel like he is 98% gay and that bodes well. You just know he is totally fun and cool for like 7 months then all of a sudden he reveals hes deeply suicidal and needy and you are all like, trying to give it space so he gets the message but he just keeps calling and crying on the phone. Leave it, Mika!
Miley Cyrus looked bloated and uncomfortable. She is cute like a hamster, but the dark makeup and hair makes her look like a demon too. I am not sure who did those hair extensions or her makeup but they probably had a sense of humour. Miley needs to get her ass home and watch 13 Going on 30 or something. The Grammys are not a place for kids!
Perfection fucks up!
Feb 10th
Rihanna is flawless in most respects. Sure she looks kind of like a triceratops but when you have the skin and eyes of another world then you automatically get away with a huge forehead. Whatever. Rihanna showed up at Clive Davis' Grammy bash looking like this.
This simply will not do. Rihanna, as flawless and wonderful and sexy as you are, you cannot simply turn up at events wearing what you please. Your fashion choices should be laid out by an emaciated gay man known as a stylist. This stylist will let you know what works for you and what does not, and Ancient Egyptian is not a look that anyone can really rock Rihanna. I totally sense a Cleopatra themed album coming up and it makes me hurt.
Britney should ask Kim Vo for a refund.
Feb 10th
Kim Vo was bragging about spending four hours giving Britney Jean Spears a beautiful new head of hair extensions and taking out her current rat tails. This is the product of Kim's work.
Kim is a fucking thief! Did he take out her rat tails and put in steel wool instead? Fuck. BJ is too crazy to see this. She probably looked in the mirror afterwards and saw a beautiful Princess staring back when what she really should be seeing is a broken woman with roadkill on her head.
Maybe im crazy, but don't they tell people with short hair like BJ has to avoid hair extensions because they rip the shit out of your scalp? Some bitch on E! said Britney needs to buy a $15k wig and stick with that shit. I agree with the TV ho because that pony tail she has up there is unpleasant to look at. In other news, B girl is now under Jamie and Lynne Spears' control again, as god intended.
Slightly dim pop princesses were never meant to pull their own strings. Hilary Duff was totally going to give her people attitude and shit for a while then saw Britney and her tail went back up inside her vadge and now she kisses her handlers feet every Tuesday for 4 hours.
Natasha Beddingfield is the Borg Queen.
Feb 8th
Natasha Beddingfield is pretty cool. She is hot. She is nice. She can sing. She even keeps out of the tabloids. But not any of that shit can redeem this beautiful princess for the following.
That is totally the new hip do. You can store your fucking handbag contents up in that shit. If this was Mischa Barton she'd be cracking a bong up there. Britney would keep her cheetos there. I think she was going for 'Crackwhore Amy Wino' but ended up 'Geek's Wet Dream Alice Krige'.
Katherine Heigl has armpit vaginas.
Jan 8th
I wish i could explain this.
At least homegirl waxes!
Image Source: WENN / ONTD
Loading ...