Celebrities
The rich & Famous
Carla Bruni might be my ideal woman.
Feb 23rd
Now I didn’t know much about Carla Bruni until, oh, last week when I heard her debut album. Now I basically want her to rear my children even if she’s not quite as keen on the idea. Like, Jennifer Garner would be a really sweet mother to my children, but If shes unavailable I am definitely going to look up this former model.
Leave Britney alone!
Feb 22nd
Enough is enough, and when Britney Spears is going through a very public breakdown the paparazzi better watch their shit. Sinead O Connor has nothing on angry Britney. On the video of the incident at x17online.com, after Britney roars “FUCK YOU, GO FUCK YOURSELF” the paparazzi has the audacity to tell her shes’ going to be charged for the damage. I found this funny considering that these men have made enough money off of this woman alone to cure cancer.
They tried to make her go to Rehab, she said…
Feb 22nd
According to People.com, Britney Spears has entered rehab YET AGAIN today after meeting with Kevin Federline who urged her to return to the facility. Sources say Kfed and Britney’s mother Lynne have become close in trying to help Britney and care for her children, and Spears’ re-entry to the facility has something to do with her fear of losing her kids.
Federline called off the emergency custody hearing he had planned for Thursday after Spears re-entered rehab. It is alleged that Spears mother, Lynne, sealed off her credit cards to force the star into a facility. Maybe Britney thinks rehab is kind of like staying at a hotel and you can just sneak on out and get drunk as long as you get back in time for check ups.
Heather Mills is a one legged death-trap!
Feb 22nd
Heather Mills has reportedly signed on to Dancing With the Stars to the joy of the Society of Handicapped Skank Troll Bitches, who called the desicion to let Mills dance to be a “breakthough for the nasty, selfish, uncouth handicapped population” of the world. The SOHSTB claimed that nasty handicapped people were sorely under-represented in the media.
SOURCE: IMDB
Sir Paul McCartney‘s estranged wife Heather Mills has confirmed she will appear on TV show Dancing With The Stars – despite denying any involvement with the show earlier this month. Mills will take to the ice alongside singer Billy Ray Cyrus and former N’Sync star Joey Fatone, and will be the first contestant to dance with an artificial limb. Her spokesperson hopes the experience will help distract Mills from her split from the former Beatle in May last year. Phil Hall, Mills’ spokesperson, says, “It’s something that might take her mind off some of the difficulties she’s been having. She’s doing it because she loves dancing, always has, enjoys a challenge and sees this as a combination of both.” Hall adds Mills’ participation is “nothing to do with the money” adding, “It’s just to do with he challenge and fun of it.” The show begins on March 19 in the US.
Yeah this bitch sees that McCartney’s lawyer is going to take everything away from her including that souped out devil-leg she has! She needs this dough bad right now! Right now, the professional dancers at ABC are all saying their prayers. I’m sorry but if Heather Mills can’t handle being thrown down stairs by Jennifer Lopez then how is her leg going to stay on for dancing? I am so watching this season so i can freeze frame the moment when her leg falls off. Yes I am going to hell.
Scarlett Johansson is irritating.
Feb 22nd
I know the world is entirely dedicated to calling Scarlett Johansson the most beautiful creature alive but I would like to take a moment and chime in on the girl. Now I liked Lost in Translation but I have to say that Scarlet Johansson totally seems like the kind of girl who would laugh in your face and quote a book if you hit on her in a bar. Most girls do laugh in my face but that’s because my best pick up line consists of me whipping out Mr Tickles for them, and at the end of the night i get to sleep with whoever doesn’t laugh and walk away..or whoever wasn’t watching their drinks closely enough.
She aint ugly but she is not the hottest bitch living! I’m sorry, biased magazines, but there are much hotter sluts out there. In addition to the wrong and constant praise of Scarlett for being beautiful and amazing and perfect, there is also her incessant Beyonce-esque need to saturate all. She stars in those annoying L’oreal commercials or whatever god-damn toxic shit it is she advertises, and i seriously just want to punch her smug face for them…After having sex with it obviously. An endearing and inoffensive Jennifer Aniston she just aint!
Now she’s in that crappy ass Justin Timberlake video in which she pretty much plays the girl we all know she truly is…a crazy selfish sex mad slutttt! It’s annoying, her acting sucks in it and Scarlett Johansson is about 50 times more annoying now just because she’s been around Justin Timberlake for any length of time. I bet her and JT just sit in the VIP lounge of some sad club together and laugh at all the common people.
And if her annoyingness in the realm of film, tv and music video wasn’t enough, she’s now announced she’s recording an album. Now i’ve heard the girl sing and she can really fucking sing, but I don’t care! I am not going to buy your trash until you stop acting like I owe you something, Ho! Cease and desist!
Britney Spears is an alien from outer space
Feb 22nd
Britney has left rehab, again, after another 24 hours – allegedly due to the paparazzi hounding her. She then proceeded to go to Kevin Federlines house, getting no answer from his intercom, before making contact with the mothership through a can of Pepsi One.
It’s seriously a sad day when a now-bald former pop princess gets denied access to her backup dancer’s home. Whats even more interesting is that the day after she was supposedly suicidal, Britney goes out looking like this. CNN reports that Kevin has called for an emergency hearing over the custody of their kids for this Thursday.
Girl you are bringing the LOLZ and I’m trying so hard not to laugh. Why are you so crazy!? What is wrong with you!? Can someone just sedate her and then do some sort of therapy through her sleeping subconcious? Please in the name of god someone help her before she starts marrying teddy bears and trying to eat her way through concrete walls. Britney has become a bag of broken down crazy that Mariah could ony aspire to be! Seek Help, B!
Ciara embraces her inner tranny.
Feb 22nd
Remember the rumours that surrounded Ciara in which people suggested she had a penis? Well Instead of denying them with embarrassment like most celebrities would, Ciara is releasing a song called “Like a Boy” in which she wishes she could basically be a dude.
lol @ ciara the TRANNY feminist trying to use reverse psychology on the world!. This song is hot though and so is the video. You go Ciara! Your one piss stained performance away from becoming my new Fergie Ferg!
Mariah’s secret thoughts on Beyonce.
Feb 21st
Beyonce is so hot right now. Beyonce is everywhere. Beyonce is the woman you have as your cellphone wallpaper, ringtone and answerphone. Beyonce is a commercially appealing blend of r&b and pop. Beyonce’s album is playing on your itunes. Beyonce is the answer to all of your prayers for a unifying star between black and white teen culture. Beyonce is a movie star. Beyonce, Beyonce, BEYONCE!
I am sick shitless of Beyonce being thrust upon me by the media industry like she is some sort of necessity to my life. I can entirely picture Tina Knowles stroking a kitten and laughing deviously as she sees 100% world saturation flash up on her computer monitor. Then she cries when she realizes it’s a popup ad for weightwatchers . Anyway, no one cares about Tina goddamn Knowles, but people totally do care about Mariah Carey, and I’m just wondering if Mariah has spent enough time in our realm as of late to observe the saturation of Beyonce
Here is Mariah and Beyonce meeting.
And here is what they are saying
More >
The Diary of Lindsay Lohan: Day One
Feb 21st
Hey Myspace Diary.
Like, so rehab was totally retarded. I blacked out through most of it. (Thank you so much Nicole for sneaking me vodka inside fruit.) I live for that bitch even though she doesn’t know that I draw pictures of her as the sticks from the Blair Witch Project LMFAO. So anyway right, I didn’t even, like, do anything. I just sat in my room with my JEWEL ENCRUSTED sidekick so that NO ONE would FORGET about me. LOL AS IF THAT WOULD HAPPEN CONSIDERING I’M LINDSAY FUCKING LOHAN!!! AS IF!!!
I decided to write a poem for my late friend Anna Nicole. But i spilled some Vodka out of one of my apples and used the paper to soak it up and then i sucked on the paper until i salvaged it all so I can only make out the words “Anna”, “Perfection”, “Fat” and “Adequite”
All that said, rehab gave me the chance to practice my modelling in the mirror a lot. I’ve found that when I pout from the left hand side I look SEXY AS FUCK but from the right i only look RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL. I guess that’s just an example of my amazing range at both modelling and acting.
Being in rehab also gave me the chance do some thinking about some really deep stuff. Like, my hair totally isn’t red, you guys have noticed my hair isn’t red, right? Because it isn’t. But i have all of these freckles!!!! Maybe i was a redhead in a past life or something profunded like that. I also decided i’ve gotten really fat and I need to lose at LEAST 40 pounds. AT LEAST. Like 30 pounds would be okay but I liked being able to cut things with my hip bones before, it was practically like having a built in anti-rape defence system.
I am going to make someone make me diet vodka with like no carbs or anything like that in it. That would be so great. You know what wasn’t great? The day when Nicole didn’t bring me any vodka-fruit and I had to pee in a cup just to get some booze. Anyway sluts I have to go get ready to go out and be a whore now, I mean tabloids are printing all of this stuff about Britney Spears going crazy and whatever and no one is paying attention to my recovery – i think it’s time for me to flash some firecrotch! Maybe Paris and I can make out infront of the cameras or something…
If two people with herpes kiss does that make them into a worse kind of herpes? Like, hold on i’ll totally myspace Tara about this, she knows a lot about this stuff! Ciao bitches, and remember, if people try and make you go to rehab, only accept if your room has a bidet and make SURE that your not in the same ward as Shannon Doherty. That bitch seriously loves rehab and her teeth get caught in your hair! ANNOYING!
PEACE
Be Adequite
LL
Britney back in rehab.
Feb 20th
Britney Spears was admitted into a rehab facility by her father after an apparent breakdown today.
“Britney Spears has voluntarily checked herself into an undisclosed rehab facility today,” manager Larry Rudolph says in a statement. “We ask that the media respect her privacy as well as those of her family and friends at this time.”
Drugs and booze are believed to be contributing factors to her breakdown, but many are calling the media the cause of the sensational public disintegration Spears has had in the past few days – claiming years of public scrutiny about her marriage, children and appearance combined with the recent loss of both her husband and aunt have lead to the tragic downfall of the teenage star. Her ex boyfriend, Issac Cohen, and ex assistant, Felicia Culotta, are just two of the people who have went public with their concern over her wellbeing, whilst her mother, Lynne flew to Los Angeles over the weekend with her father, Jamie to ensure the wellbeing of her children and force her to seek help.
We at The Deli as you know have much love for Britney and we are happy she’s finally getting help at a time when shes clearly imploded. We can’t wait to see a new Britney emerging from this fiasco.
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