Miley Cyrus
Miley Cyrus the new gay icon
Aug 27th
Move over Lady Gaga, Miley wants some gay love too. So her queens decided to film a music video for her #1 single, Party in the USA.
Despite seeing some sexy bodies, that still makes me cringe like Meryl Streep’s vagina. The most disturbing feature of the video is the fact they had to film some of this in public spaces. Being a total queen to Miley, is not hot. And didn’t they get the memo, Miley is all about the pole dancing.
Celeb Tweet of the day
Jul 9th
P.S. Nothing makes you glow more than love. It’s all about love. Please never forget how beautiful you are girls. You are perfect. =]
Pregnancy also makes you glow Miley.
Megan Fox was a lesbian
Sep 17th
Megan Fox is fast becoming the B-List version of Heidi Montag. Fiancées that don’t work, on knees looking for that next role, there’s nothing the two tranny-tanned fame whores can’t do. But it looks like Megan might have pulled away, by openly admitting she had fluffy carpet for desert.
The Transformers-star told GQ,
Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided – oh man, sorry, mummy! – that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop,” said Fox. “I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita. Fox said Nikita would do “these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads”.
I wonder what range of dildoes the Body Shop had that day for her to be there, and as if she’d consider dating a hippie in a white apron. And what about dear-old Nikita, she was named after a whore, so I don’t think Megan went out of her way. I wonder what Nikita looks like? I bet it’s a mini-Star Jones, singing in a french accent as she sings “I don’t want to miss a thing.” But you know our 22-year old Megan, she can’t stop talking.
“Look, I’m not a lesbian,” said Fox. “I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl – Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She’s mesmerising. And lately I’ve been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but … oh boy.”
Stop.Right.Now.Thank.You.Very.Much. I’m not going to argue about her fallacious BS, because then further on she goes onto blame Disney for making Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus for making them take naked pictures of thesmselves. Pretty people are a bit like children, they should be seen, not heard.
[Image = GQ] [Story = Associated Press]
Someone needs to stage a Cyrus intervention.
Sep 17th
When reading coverage of Miley Cyrus allegedly dating a 20 year old underwear model, it seems the rest of the world forgot that sexual relations between a 15 year old and a 20 year old are, in fact, classed as statutory rape almost everywhere that counts. Is everyone okay with this? Like, I’m not going to be super surprised if they take a Christian vacation to France to legally have sex together as much as is physically possible see the beautiful religious sites the country is so famous for.
Of course, the first sighting of the two together was when the model, named Justin Gaston, was going to Church with Miley and her family. In obviously suitable church attire, and definitely not clothes you’d see on a go-go dancer in a seedy New York bar.
Also, this is a 20 year old. That body, is 20 years old. Not 24 or even 26, 20. Did he start toning and working out as a fetus? Yes, thats the sound of bitter hatred, but then again, how jealous can you be of someone dating the most irritating 15 year old in human existence.
Images Courtesy: Just-Jared.com
Just Sit Down, Mimi!
Sep 11th
I didn't see this before but is the live telethon performance of JUST STAND UP the best thing ever? Maybe. Why? Because all of those hos are totally clappy and smiley and trash for cancer and raising money for the sick…except Mimi. Mimi is insulted that the butterfly gods made her slum it with these better selling and more relevant shitty babies who want to be like her in every way.
I also love how Fergie sounds like a nasal depression. Like a big walking dent in the side of a nose. I am sure there was a time Fergie could sing and didnt try and sound so street that she is practically a pavement. And who crapped Nicole Sherzhitler onto the end of this lineup? Where is the fabulous Toni Braxton? Need i even ask? Mimi has her down a well and is dropping down a bottle saying "and it rubs the lotion on it!". True fact.
Divas stick togetha
Aug 22nd
Our favourite hoes have banded together to tell cancer to fuck off. Mariah Carey, Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Ashanti, Keyshia Cole, Ciara, Rihanna, Leona Lewis, Fergie, Natasha Bedingfield, Sheryl Crow, Melissa Etheridge, Miley Cyrus, LeAnne Rimes and Carrie Underwood fight to be the best vah-jay-jay out there.
Great song, first of all. But let's be serious for a second. Who were the biggest whores of that song?
Winners: Beyonce, Carrie Underwood, Fergie
Losers: Mariah Carey, Ashanti, LeAnne Rimes, Ciara
The ending is kind of funny. You can tell Mariah Carey is trying to tell Leona Lewis to DIAF, by doing her signature screaming.
Miley is a naughty girl
Aug 3rd
Miley Cyrus, what the fuck is wrong with you. I can take you as a bitch. I can take you as someone who is related to Billy Ray Cyrus, but i will not take you any further if you keep taking "CUM-FUCK-ME-OK" photos. You're 15, the only thing you should be sending to boyfriends are signed copies of Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: The Best Of Both Worlds Concert Movie on Blu-ray.
So please stop. No more. No more shots that would make Charlie Sheen drop his girlfriend.
For the curious, the photos are below.
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- My daddy’s fathers day present.
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- Nick, when will you fuck me?
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- My vagina brings peace
Miley Cyrus is a funny bitch
Jul 24th
Miley Cyrus is a woman scorned. Miley has just uploaded a YouTube video of herself and her sister mocking her colleague and the girl that replaced her as Nick Jonas' girlfriend, Selena Gomez.
You just have to admire the hilariousness of it all. Miley in pure bitch mode is probably one the best moments ever witnessed on a Disney playground. It's childish and we don't really give a shit which TEAM wins, but that was a good waste of 5 minutes. Poor Nick. He's probably gay now.
Carrot Nose and SnaggleToof
Jul 13th
You know Madonna and Gwnney Paltrow get together to lez off and talk about how they can save the world? Or how Bono and Bob Geldoff do exactly the same thing? Well those are examples of annoying people coming together to at least try and do good for their own grattification.
Miley Cyrus and Ashley Tisdale, however, probably have conversations more like this.
Ashley Tisdale and her Fug Nose: Omg i saw your photos on the internet again. How does that keep happening?
Miley Cyrus and her Fug Teefs: I DONT KNOW! (In a Monica Gellar impression. Die, bitch!) I just know that it's really, like, annoying, now the whole world knows my big secret that I was dating Nick Jonas. It's so embarrasing. i just want my privacy, you know?
Ashley Tisdale: I totally know, it's so difficult, especially with my giant ugly nose and all. I'm so ashamed of it!
Miley: Your nose is cute. You should just rock it. Or get more work done.
Ashley: I was thinking tha…oh my god look at that dress, isn't it cute. It's like, totally my colour too!
Miley: Oh my god i love it. And those shoes are so, like, AWESOME.
Ashley: Let's buy them!
Later that evening.
Ashley: I'm bored.
Miley: Do you want to go shopping?
Ashley: No, i've already spent like twenty grand today! Maybe again tomorrow. I need to scratch my snatch.
Miley: I have an idea. LETS MAKE A YOUTUBE VIDEO. Everyone loves us and you know people on youtube would love to see us on a video together, how awesome would that be? Like, really awesome!
Ashley: Can you light it so people don't see my nose so bad?
Miley: I have professional lighting in my youtube video room! Don't worry girl!
Ashley: What would we do?
Miley: LOL!!!! You don't have to do anything on a youtube video. Just talk a lot about yourself. It's awesome!
Ashley: Yay!
Later that week.
Ashley (On Phone): Miley, i've been reading some of those youtube video comments. People notice my nose! They are being really horrible about it!
Miley (On Phone, using other hand to awkwardly hold a camera above her head and pout intermittently at it, before checking the LCD to see if it needs deleted and reshot) : Uh…oh….like, what did they say?
Ashley: Well here's one.. "That bitch has one fucked up nose! It looks like shes shoved eight spades and two carrots in there! FUG!" , like can you see how that hurts my feelings?
Miley: Uhm, yeah. That's a shame.
Ashley: Heres another. "She is so fucking ugly i had to turn to vomit, then I looked back at the screen and i threw up again. It was like two girls one cup, except two girls one fucking ugly nosejob!"
Miley: Like, woah, that is like, totally un-necesary.
Ashley (whinging): This one is like the meanest of all though. "Her nose is the visual representation of satan and offends my eyes more than anything i've seen thus far in my life. Also, that Miley slut has fucked up toofs!"
Miley: Hold. On. WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT. THE . FUCK. Like, how DARE they? Who do these NERDS think they are. DAAAD. DAAAAAAAAAAAD COME UP HERE. CALL THE LAWYERS.
News of the Week
Jul 13th
Here's a short list of interesting news:
Celebrity
- Angelina Jolie and Nicole Kidman both gave birth. While Naomi Watts is pregnant with her second.
- Ed Westwick wants to design his own fashion line because that isn't gay at all.
- Ashley Tisdale told MTV that she channeled Gwen Stefani and Fergie in her role in High School Musical 3. So we are expecting Ashley to urinate in a couture dress. Consider my ticket sold.
- Audrina Patridge has moved out of Lauren Conrad's house, this is probably one of the main story arcs for both in the new season of The Hills because I doubt this is really news to most people.
TV:
- Tori Spelling's new show, Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood, recorded the highest ratings for the Oxygen Network in the 18-49 age group.
- Rumours are circulating that Katherine Heigl's Izzie will be killed off this season on Grey's Anatomy. I can't imagine why? If I were the writers I would make her have a sexual relationship with a Perez Hilton look-a-like until the end of her contract, because at the moment they are basically giving her what she wants. They should just make her suffer.
Box Office:
- The Dark Knight is set to break box office records next week, when it officially opens in Australia & North America this week. UK on the 25th of July.
- Mamma Mia! is expected to be a huge hit. With strong box office takings in UK, Sweden, Australia and some smaller countries. It opens in the US on the 18th. Also I strongly recommend this even though it will give you a tick in the gay column.
Music:
- Rehab is the next single from Rihanna that will be released in the UK in August. This takes the number of singles from Good Girl Gone Bad to 7. Despite already charting, Disturbia will not be officially released in the UK at present.
- Dido & Pink both have albums that are nearly completed. Dido's album is set to be released in late September, with P!nk's new album to follow in October. We expect plenty of angst from both artists.
- Ali Lohan says her music is more hip-hop than Miley Cyrus. We don't have much more to say about that piece of information.
And we leave you with Miley Cyrus' very own wet T-Shirt competition. We expect Pedeos everywhere to delete some hard drive space to make room for these new photos.
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- My iPhone is old now. But my boobs aren’t.
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- Hi, I’m showering. And I’m 15.
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