Cameron Diaz
Well of course Zippo would do THAT on a date.
Aug 22nd
Are you going to eat your fries?
You are on a date with Cameron Diaz (Uh, Why?!). It’s going really well (But really, is it?) and she looks damn fine (LOL please). She leans in at this ironic burger joint you are at (Because you both can/should be eating better) and she picks up the juicy burger that she’s just bought (by juicy I mean dry as a rock). Looking into your eyes, she slowly brings the burger to her mouth, presses the ‘unlock’ button on her jaw and lets her gigantically huge mouth consume the entire burger whole. She then winks. (SHAKING AND CRYING. VOMITING. STEP SLOWLY AWAY FROM THE BOOTH. RESIST URGE TO KILL SELF.)
This might sound like a scene from one of Cameron’s ‘funny’ (?) movies, but in fact the scene was a date with the movie star (i like calling them movie stars sometimes, it’s a fun thing i do) Keanu Reeves.
Since Cameron Diaz is no trick who has banged half of Hollywood (I have a compulsive lying problem) she was obviously attracted to the polished and gentlemanly grace that Keanu has in such obvious abundance (although, more likely, she saw the tiny people living in his beard and thought they’d come in handy for using her clit as a springboard into her vagina)
They are just two Hollywood actors looking for love (Which involves banging every trick that comes along.)
Another fun thing I like to do is over-use brackets to tell two separate stories at once. (I’m crazy like that.)
Has no one ever thought they might just be loose?
Sep 2nd
Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz are the worlds favourite scorned women. Everyone feels such huge massive bleeding pity for both of them for being what is called "unlucky in love". Evidently, the idea of two Hollywood sweethearts perhaps being the spat-out rejects of such catches as, aherm, John Mayer is an easier one to comprehend than two gorgeous film actresses being slappers because they can get laid by lots of handsome men and sex is a beautiful gift from god.
Even if Jennifer Aniston is the saintly figure she's painted as, it would seem then that being "unlucky in love" merits the approximate sympathy one might expect to be paid to those dying of leprosy. According to the bible of Hollywood, these women should be whoring baby pictures with George Clooney by now or they are pathetic sacks of shit, what with focusing on their ludicrously well paid movie careers and all. Pathetic! Sacks!
Anyway the latest spin the the "unlucky" saga for these sluts is that Cameron Diaz has picked up Jennifer Aniston's old used meat, a very handsome and I'd like to hope dickheaded man model called Paul Sculfor.
Im guessing they have a club where they swap numbers of the best sexytime. Don't be surprised to see Bai Ling banging this piece in 13 years, I say 13 years because it takes time for the good meat to trickle down, and he'll probably be a clapped out cokey surgery disaster by then.
Hollywoods Best & Worst Stars to work with.
Jun 29th
Everyone always wants to know whos a diva and whos not, so LA DELI rounds up old famous examples as well as some whisperings from some of our industry friends about who is a HOT ASS BITCH to work with and who is just HEATHER MILLS (the devil) to work with. We also have the WILDCARD category which defines stars who have been reported to be part of both camps.
If you are a super bitchfaced celebrity and you see your name here you better get your shit together because we know! We know what you did to your last Personal Assistant!
Drunk my ass!
Apr 27th
The lameness is non stop with all things Ashton Kutcher. Dude needs to stop the funny because it isnt a hot style on him. Cameron Zippy Diaz is pretty cool though, so i'll let her ass away with participating in this shitty marketing ploy for their new romantic comedy What Happens in Vegas.
I can guarantee you a bag of Wino crack that neither of these sluts would let that video see the light of day if it were genuine. If stars do bad things on camera, they MURDER whoever took it and burn the video evidence with their corpse. True story.
Cameron Diaz deflects your hate.
Feb 17th
I know it can be hard to like Cameron Diaz sometimes. She acts a lot like Zippy from Rainbow on crack, and she seems to play the same girl in every movie and get paid $18m for it. That said, Cameron Diaz is standing here in an image with Al Gore, yes, thats right, Al Freakin Gore.
Now it’s widely acknowledged fact that Al Gore is a respected authority in things like preaching to the world that we are destroying ourselves, and therefore we can assume that Cameron Diaz is doing the same, judging from this image she is showing me the dangers of manicuring without advice from my GP, which shows me that Cameron Diaz truly cares about both myself and my well-being.
If only Cameron Diaz and Diane Keaton would star in the same movie, it would no doubt be a mediocre chick flick in which Cameron Diaz would play the kooky-yet-optimistic daughter and Diane Keaton would play the uptight-but-trying-to-loosen-up mother. Critics would hate it, people would pay to see it, and Diane Keaton and Cameron Diaz would have even less incentive to even try.
Justin Timberlake & Cameron Diaz confirm split.
Jan 12th
One of the most sinfully boring couples in Hollywood history have finally split, and the only echo even remotely reminiscent of people caring is the prospect of Timberlake reuniting with Britney Spears. And when the only attention paid to your four year romance in Hollywood is the remote possibility that you might split up and reunite with your ex, then I guess it’s pretty much doomed from the getgo.
According to website Tmz.com, the pair issued a joint statement late yesterday announcing they have officially split, saying, “It has always been our preference not to comment on the status of our relationship, but, out of respect for the time we’ve spent together, we feel compelled to do so now, in light of recent speculation and the number of inaccurate stories that are being reported by the media. We have, in fact, ended our romantic relationship and have done so mutually and as friends, with continued love and respect for one another.” Timberlake has been romantically linked to Scarlett Johansson after the two were seen spending time together at an after-party for his film Alpha Dog. The Lost In Translation actress also stars in Timberlake’s latest music video “What Goes Around.”
I’m wondering how many women in Hollywood Justin Timberlake can get away with screwing before someone in the industry has a moment to consider that he might not be a nice guy. Now judging by the average I.Q of actresses and pop stars I’m going to give it a few years, maybe a decade – but theres still hope! It’s safe to say that Tara Reid won’t be the one to realize it though.
I actually like Cameron Diaz. Sure her skin looked a lot like a Lord of the Rings landscape for a while and she did date Justin ‘I seriously can’t believe how much better than you i am’ Timberlake for a couple of years, but this ho is fun and I can see me drinking booze from her pock marks on a crazy night out.
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