Britney Spears
The Circus Tour is on the road.
Mar 4th
Hey Y'all im gettin the munchies! Who got the foods?
Britney Spears launched her “The Circus” tour last night to a thousand zillion rainbow queefs across the world. Britney didn’t sing live (SHOCKING!) and there was a mixture of response on her dancing which some claimed involved ” a lot of strutting” but of course everyone still loved that shit because they had acrobats, pyrotechnics and ninjas! Probably gay ninjas to be fair. Put some sparkly muscular ninjas in front of a crowd of gays and they will seriously just assume they’ve entered heaven.
In truth reviews are actually pretty good for the show, which praise the production and Muffin’s tenacity and dancing, and that’s good news considering her hit-and-miss tour record, and so much was riding on her not breaking down and crying “I just want mah baybees and some whippy cheese y’all” in the middle of the show. So i guess this seals the deal.
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- Hey Y’all im gettin the munchies! Who got the foods?
For the record I am seeing this hot mess in London this summer. I think it’s important she dances HARDER for when I go see her or i’ll fling a boot. People don’t fling boots at performers enough when they don’t give it 100% these days. You wouldn’t see Mimi standing in the same fucking position for two hours if you were standing holding a boot and eying her love handles up now would you?
First Look: The Trailer Park Comes to Town!
Mar 2nd
Okay i know Britney trailer park jokes are beating a dead horse now since shes “reformed” into non-white trash again, but deep inside you can see she’s yearning to grab her cheese-grits, run to a public restroom bare-foot and mix some old cheetos stuck to the toilet floor in with that slop for a toilet time snack when she’s going number two. It’s the trailer park way!
Anyway here’s the first look of Britney’s new tour which launches tomorrow called CIRCUS and it’s presented by Candies who have decided to sponsor her crazy crazy ass again.
I wont lie when i say im excited. I can’t wait to hold up a giant “WE LOVE YOU TRAILER MUFFIN.” Sign at her concert. The only outrage seems to be that she wont be performing GIMME MOAR at the tour which is too bad because it’s the only thing everyone want’s to see her actually redo without looking like a drunken pudding bear.
I also like that shit Mannequin. Mainly because i usually give up shopping in department stores and stare longingly at the mannequin’s. I hate shopping. They have a seductive gaze. Makes sense to me.
Madonna Spread Eagle in a Boxing ring IS a disgusting, vile thing.
Feb 1st
I said back when Britney Spears announced that If You Seek Amy would be her third Circus single that all of the American parents would get their panties in a twist. Sure enough, those parents are on the rag and who better to lead them than the biggest asshole parent of America? Fox News of course!
The only good thing to come from that video was hearing a legal aide called Mercedes call out Madonna’s album cover as manky ass shit! She is absolutely correct! Give her a show! Only in America could this mess actually garner a debate on a news network.
Parents are all pissy about this but are totally fine with other trashy ass songs like my favourite profane song AYO TECHNOLOGY where Justin, 50 Cent and Timbaland invite a lucky lady to “sit down on top of me”. Little does she know as soon a she sits WHAM she got crabs.
It’s because old bitches resent Britney Spears . Justin Timberlake could record a song about the length of his cock and how as soon as their daughter turns 18 their ass will be smoking his pole and the world would be totally fine with it if he was shirtless in the video.
Has no one seen the Rihanna Rehab video? It’s one accidental penetration away from being full porn!
I quit understanding regulations. Basically it goes like this – it’s only okay if men do it.
Expect me to release a single about my man-rod soon.
Britney’s new single could cause problems.
Jan 7th
If You Seek a SHITSTORM
Britney Spears‘ official label website has confirmed that her new single will be IF U SEEK AMY which when sung in the song sounds like FUCK ME. Hold your shit down because there’s going to be an army of GOD WARRIORS ripping Brit a new asshole for this one. Y’all know that 8 year old girls are going to sing this shit and their parents are going to choke on a pro-biotic yoghurt.
Brit probably doesn’t even realize that shit means this. She totally makes Sean and Jayden sing it all the day long!
Britney Spears is a MILF
Jan 7th
Britney Spears looking hot at Brian Spears' wedding.
I can remember the times where my yearning for Britney Spears to look like this eventually met it’s end and I accepted she would be a cheeto munching piece of crazy trailer muffin forever. But she’s been a bit of a pleasant surprise this year. Angels, i suspect under the instruction of Jennifer Garner, have fixed her in the face but maybe not yet in the head. That’s okay though, because as long as she can mime and dance, it don’t matter if she’s still a little gaga right?
So Let’s take an updated look at the comeback of something I like to call her career (better known as the amount of sexiness she has at any one time).
The Transformation of Britney Spears (Click to Enlarge)
Britney Spears scores Platinum.
Jan 1st
Britney Spears’ comeback album Circus has sold 1.1 million copies in North America in just one month, making it Britney’s first Platinum studio album since 2003′s In the Zone, as 2007′s Blackout has yet to sell 1 million copies. This might seem like peanuts since Trailer Muffin once sold over 10 million copies of her first CD Baby One More Time but things have changed and people are tight as fuck now – so the best selling album of 2008 was Lil Wayne who only sold 2.9 million copies.
Britney is probably celebrating by bathing in starbucks and chowing down on McDonalds. Just kidding, shes under that conservership now, so she’s actually crying in the corner of a room begging to be let out for “just one moar hour, govnah!”.
Britney’s back! (So is The Unicorn)
Nov 18th
Britney Spears has saved too many lives this year. She’s gotten her shit together and has possibly delivered the best pop album (maybe best album overall) of the year.
But remember our Unicorn…
2007
She’s back too!
2008
Beyonce has really bad timing.
Oct 11th
Beyonce and Britney are both really, really ridiculously famous and successful, but Beyonce hasn’t had two months of hype about a comeback to fuel the release of her new music video, so I’m wondering why in the fuck Matthew Knowles decided to release“If I Were a Boy’s” music video on the same day that “Womanizer” hit tvs across America. Then i realized Matthew Knowles isn’t the most slender man, and has planned it all to get a mouth full of cheetos dipped in frapp. Larry Rudolph will be gnawing on his arm by this evening.
Beyonce is going to get her ass egged by a million angry Britney Spears fans now.Â
Snap Verdict: Good Song, Dull ass pretentious video.
Britney Spears is back on top.
Oct 8th
Britney Spears’ comeback appears to be in full swing after she announced today she was Divorcing Starbucks and will keep the 3,500 empty frap containers, but will return all straws as part of the pre-nuptial agreement.Â
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- If You Seek a SHITSTORM
Just kidding. Britney reached #1 on iTunes within 24 hours today, largely because Britney Spears fans really, really wanted her too, but also because WUMANIZA is a pretty good song, and I hope it has an even better video and album.
Other iTunes #1s for “Womanizer” include Spain, Canada, & Sweden. It has also hit #4 in France, #5 in New Zealand, and gone top 10 in Portugal, Norway, Poland, Denmark, and top 12 in Australia, Netherlands and FInland. The track has yet to hit UK shores, and will be released there on November 3rd.
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She looks great, she’s doing well and she is working hard! Lets move on to Miley for our tabloid fodder.
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