Beyonce
Beyonce has really bad timing.
Oct 11th
Beyonce and Britney are both really, really ridiculously famous and successful, but Beyonce hasn’t had two months of hype about a comeback to fuel the release of her new music video, so I’m wondering why in the fuck Matthew Knowles decided to release“If I Were a Boy’s” music video on the same day that “Womanizer” hit tvs across America. Then i realized Matthew Knowles isn’t the most slender man, and has planned it all to get a mouth full of cheetos dipped in frapp. Larry Rudolph will be gnawing on his arm by this evening.
Beyonce is going to get her ass egged by a million angry Britney Spears fans now.Â
Snap Verdict: Good Song, Dull ass pretentious video.
It’s raining music videos
Oct 11th
What a week in music. New Britney, New Beyonce. What’s next? New Fergie? Oh my testicles, that would have made it a completely great week in the world of music.
For this entry we’ve decided to donate it to Beyonce. Who is like that horse, Black Beauty. Remember her, well she was a horse who liked to ride other horses. Disney even make a movie about it I think.
I liked the “What?” “What?” part. I was like “What?”. It’s good to see Beyonce still loves herself very much, and is still the queen of her own world.
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Nicole Scherzinger and her army of skanks also have a few more music videos out. What’s interesting about the I Hate This Part music video, is the the other girls just bang pin ball machines and kick dust, while Nicole is like “oh my god bitches, I can so sing.” And the Whatcha Think About That is more of the same thing, with a cameo from Missy Elliott.
http://www.dailymotion.com/videox6zrvs
Just Sit Down, Mimi!
Sep 11th
I didn't see this before but is the live telethon performance of JUST STAND UP the best thing ever? Maybe. Why? Because all of those hos are totally clappy and smiley and trash for cancer and raising money for the sick…except Mimi. Mimi is insulted that the butterfly gods made her slum it with these better selling and more relevant shitty babies who want to be like her in every way.
I also love how Fergie sounds like a nasal depression. Like a big walking dent in the side of a nose. I am sure there was a time Fergie could sing and didnt try and sound so street that she is practically a pavement. And who crapped Nicole Sherzhitler onto the end of this lineup? Where is the fabulous Toni Braxton? Need i even ask? Mimi has her down a well and is dropping down a bottle saying "and it rubs the lotion on it!". True fact.
Divas stick togetha
Aug 22nd
Our favourite hoes have banded together to tell cancer to fuck off. Mariah Carey, Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Ashanti, Keyshia Cole, Ciara, Rihanna, Leona Lewis, Fergie, Natasha Bedingfield, Sheryl Crow, Melissa Etheridge, Miley Cyrus, LeAnne Rimes and Carrie Underwood fight to be the best vah-jay-jay out there.
Great song, first of all. But let's be serious for a second. Who were the biggest whores of that song?
Winners: Beyonce, Carrie Underwood, Fergie
Losers: Mariah Carey, Ashanti, LeAnne Rimes, Ciara
The ending is kind of funny. You can tell Mariah Carey is trying to tell Leona Lewis to DIAF, by doing her signature screaming.
Furious Constipation!
Feb 11th
Beyonce and Tina Turner push out two big ones on stage at the Grammys.
Beyonce looks like she has peni in this shot. Unfortunate dress bunching there. Just kidding she defo has a huge salami down there. You know Beyonce got a soccer punch to the ovaries after this performance for trying to outsing Tina. B Girl just cant leave it alone and let Tina have her moment!
Weave Weight!
Jul 25th
Beyonce recently took the hardest goddamn fall i've ever seen on stage. Bitch was losing her shit to Ring the Alarm when she lost it and fell about 15 steps head first! Sources say her weave was trying to break free again and it bit her on the coochy causing her to spin and fall. The best thing is ho just got straight back up and started dancing like a crazy hippy again. She's pretty hot for this as you know if this was Christina Aguilera bitch would start crying on stage and call off the show. Hell i would cry on stage and probably piss myself. The only two sluts who would get back up would be Beyonce and Fergie, and even Fergie would pee a little but that's just normal for her.
Pat yo weave B!
Hot & Not
Jul 7th
Here's Amanda Bynes looking smokin at a Hairspray première. I feel for her having to be so close to Zac Efron for so long. I really hate that douche. Amanda is looking seriously hot these days. I approve much.
And now here's Beyonce looking like she's trying to hatch some sort of android from her womb. Of course desperately trying to keep her weave in place during this painful birthing process.
Girl got her freakum on for sure. Pat Yo Weave B!
A continuing theme: Beyonce’s Oversaturation.
Feb 28th
After singing live at the Oscars in full jingle swing for Dreamgirls, Beyonce has taken her spare time to create three new music videos and a new single for her re-release of B’Day, just incase you weren’t already sick shitless of her from last year’s constant drive for you to buy Bidet. And lucky for US Beyonce has premiered both the video for the non-single? Upgrade U and the video for sure-to-be-smash Beautiful Liar basically on the same week. I shall say this only nine times,
Beyonce, you are damn lucky that you are jaw-droppingly beautiful girl, or I would seriously be beating you with a machete for this kind of blatant oversaturation right now.
The Upgrade U video
Beyonce & Shakira are really quite hot.
Feb 28th
So in an attempt to boost the sales of her album B’Day, aside from hawking it to every man, woman and child in the world through the power of hypnotic overpromotion and thrusting, Beyonce decided to take a page from Shakira’s book and record a duet…with Shakira. See when Shakira’s Oral Fixation Vol.2 was serving up mediocre sales, her label hooked her up with a duet with Wyclef, and Hips Don’t Lie became the biggest worldwide hit of the decade. Oral Fixation was re-released and sales went through the roof.
Beyonce and her trash ass parents obviously thought doing the same would do good things for her Bidet. They are so right! Beyonce is the hotness and even though the ho is really annoying I would hit it repeatedly. Shakira is hot too even though she sounds much like a goat. I mean I love Shakiras music and stuff, but just because shes from South America does not mean she is allowed to sound like a mountain goat. Actually it totally does I forgot all South Americans sound like mountain goats, my bad.
Mariah’s secret thoughts on Beyonce.
Feb 21st
Beyonce is so hot right now. Beyonce is everywhere. Beyonce is the woman you have as your cellphone wallpaper, ringtone and answerphone. Beyonce is a commercially appealing blend of r&b and pop. Beyonce’s album is playing on your itunes. Beyonce is the answer to all of your prayers for a unifying star between black and white teen culture. Beyonce is a movie star. Beyonce, Beyonce, BEYONCE!
I am sick shitless of Beyonce being thrust upon me by the media industry like she is some sort of necessity to my life. I can entirely picture Tina Knowles stroking a kitten and laughing deviously as she sees 100% world saturation flash up on her computer monitor. Then she cries when she realizes it’s a popup ad for weightwatchers . Anyway, no one cares about Tina goddamn Knowles, but people totally do care about Mariah Carey, and I’m just wondering if Mariah has spent enough time in our realm as of late to observe the saturation of Beyonce
Here is Mariah and Beyonce meeting.
And here is what they are saying
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