After several blind items heavily alluding to it and a dozen websites covering it, I had to bring attention to allegations of Ben Affleck cheating of Goddess of Seasons, Time and the Universe Jennifer Garner with trampy tramp skank skeeze slut Blake Lively (Dead 2 me) Or maybe he’s screwing Rebecca Hall. Either way, the rumours are getting louder and louder on this one.

The two have been seen flirting and have even had lunch and dinner together outside of filming. Ben has also been lunching with Rebecca Hall during filming breaks. Meanwhile Garner was filming Valentines Day elsewhere. As soon as filming stopped though she’s been on set like a rocket which would seem to tie up nicely with this blind item .

Which A-lister couple’s relationship is on the rocks. Seems he is cheating with his much younger co-star and the wife is now trying to accompany the two on set as much as possible. She heard the rumors way before we did and is now hanging around to nip this thing in the bud. Not Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise.

Rumour has it that the reason Garfleck nearly split earlier this year was also because Ben had been playing around.  Uhm did Ben fall over and smack his butthead on the fucking pavement? He’s married to JENNIFER GARNER. SYDNEY FUCKING BRISTOW.

She is probably convincing herself that he’s a “good man” and things of that nature because she is a saint. Girlfriend it’s time to grab some mojitos and hit the town with your slut dress on. Take pictures and MMS me them. Then we’ll see who’s getting the tail. Here are pictures of Ben eye-fucking Blake during a filming break in Boston. Warning: Graphic images of body-language sex ahead.

Taco Taco and the Princess of the World

Jennifer Garner was rushed to hospital by her husband Taco Taco and he obviously had time to pick up a delicious berry iced tea from Starbucks on the way.  Jennifer is such a fucking good wife her ass would sit politely in agony whilst he flirts with the fucking slut that works behind the counter. Don’t think because you serve me overpriced coffee that your above my ass Elaine, i’ll pull those novelty hairclips out and stick them up your bojingle if you give me that sly eye again!

Anyway, get your rosaries and kabbalah bracelets and Scientology Dildo Devices out because we must now pray to Celine Dion up in the sky that she will use her powers to guide Jennifer Garner through the shitty shitty process of having birth. I don’t know where this myth came from that giving birth is somehow a nice process , because not many cultures consider  ”having your vagina tear open whilst you shit yourself in front of  these uppity sluts telling you to PUSH” as a “nice” experience. 

Also I’m guessing that this was a rushed appointment because Jen’s hair looks like Taco Taco took a little golden shower on it and no one bothered to rinse and condition. You know if Lindsay Lohan was going into labor bony ass would be sitting in front of her vanity table for 45 minutes before she’d even think of hauling ass to the maternity ward. Firecrotch ahoy.

Ted Casablanca is the devil. That asshole broke a rumour that the most perfect people in the world ever, Jennifer Cheekbones Garner and Ben Buttchin Affleck were divorcing, citing the same source who told him that Garner was leaving former co-star Michael Vartan for Ben Affleck. 

Well US Magazine has been in touch with Garner and Affleck's reps, both of whom call it 100% false, as do eyewitnesses who spotted the couple together in Los Angeles. Ted Casablanca better watch his shit because I do not take kindly to those who call my Jennifer dearest "fickle", infact someone said a bad word about her ass after I dragged my way through Elektra and I cut their body up into lots of little pieces and fed them to homeless dogs.

Although I buy that these hos are going seperate ways, which is sad. Because they are hot together. Jen Garn is obviously cycling through hot dudes till she gets to me and im fine with that. 

"Captivating", "Megawatt beauty", "Impeccable" . Those are some of the words that have been used to describe Jennifer Garner and her performance in the newly opened Cyrano de Bergerac. But when Ben Affleck was asked how he felt his wife did in the show he said.

"She Did fine."

Hmm. Somewhere along the line something went horribly wrong and a bastard whale sized critic got mixed up with Ben Affleck. You'd be forgiven for thinking that the New York Times was Garners husband, because it seems to know all the right things to say.

Certainly, Ben Affleck sitting down and having a few good lessons on how to please a lady from the New York Times would be entirely beneficial – because calling one of the most important performances in your wifes career "fine" might not be exactly the same as telling your wife you don't feel like sex for the next seven months because shes fat and your screwing the copy guy, but it will definitely have the same outcome.

We all know Jennifer Garner is too soft to make Ben Affleck sleep on the sofa for that one. And we also know that Ben Affleck probably meant to say she was incredible but just has too much ass on his face to think cohesively sometimes.

Edit: I guess a publicist called people or im a retarded blind donkey because this bit was added on the end of the article:

Of Garner's performance (which consists of rhyming couplets), Affleck, also 35, said, "I'm really impressed by her courage and her talent." Having now seen her in the role a few times, Affleck also says Garner "keeps impressing me, and I keep on loving it."  

That's right people. you heard it from us first. Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck are an item. He's a big fan of rhyming his names with the girl's he dates. For example: Jen, Jen, Jen, and Gwyn. Speaking of Gwyn, Gwyneth Paltrow also used to date Brad Pitt, who I'm sure you all remember being married to Jennifer Aniston. We've got one heck of a love triangle working its angles through Hollywood.

Back to Bennifer III. They hooked up on the set of their new film together, He’s Just Not That Into You, which looks like a bad sign, but Jen A did meet her last major fling while filming The Breakup. She's not one to let a title get in the way. For example, the title of husband. Why bother? Angelina Jolie didn't let that title get in the way on numerous occasions and she always got the guy.

Sorry Jen A. We just can't let you do this to Jennifer Garner. She's been busy with filming and promoting and being just plain awesome. It's not right to set your claws into Ben while she's not there to defend her turf. Besides, I have the vaguest feeling that he's just not that into you. While titles may seem insignificant, you gotta remember, Jen A And Vince Vaughn did breakup and Mr. and Mrs. Smith did get married. Maybe Hollywood's trying to say something.

In the meantime, let's all judge her by the footage we caught and conveniently posted just below. Enjoy.

Oh right. That is all.

Like, I wouldn't be fussy with these two. Either or. Maybe both at the same time. Okay we all know I love Jennifer Garner, but hell I'd let Ben Affleck do bad things too! Dude looks good! Shitting all over Jennifer Lopez was the best thing he ever did do. You know Jennifer loved his sweaty sack though.