Awards
Perez’s injuries are severe
Jun 22nd
After viewing Chris Crocker Perez Hilton’s testimonial about the “Will.i.Am punched me, twitter friends to the rescue” drama, his injuries are severe.
As you can see there a huge gigantic major big sizeable minor cut just under his right eye. Naturally this is enough to make any queen cry uncontrollably for a few hours before finding the courage to yell at the computer screen for 11 minutes, digging a deeper hole compared to the one he was in prior to the testimonial.
Perez you said that Will.I.Am punched you on twitter, now you are saying it was the manager, you are the fucking liar here. Leave Fergie alone and none of this would have happened to you. Yes violence is wrong, but I enjoy a good downfall. Seriously if you find the time, view the testimonial, quite possibly more laughs in here than a summer comedy.
It has many gems, including “VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE ANSWEERRR”, ”I will let people have their (air quote) MOMENT (/air quote)”, “I like writing about other peoples DRAMA, i dont want DRAMA in my OWN LIFE!!!”
I guess what’s so ridiculous about the whole thing is that Perez Hilton is the hugest bitch in all the land and is so outraged about being smacked in the face when the stuff he says and does is far more hurtful than a slap on the face. He is just a ridiculous disgrace.
LA-Deli’s Best Dressed
Sep 22nd
Our newest LA-Deli secretary, Korrgan, decided she could hit the big league when she covered the Emmys for us last night. Today she decided to share her thoughts on her Best & Worst Dressed from last nights Emmys (which by the way, was so fucking boring).
Click the jump to see who LA-Deli crowned the best dressed of the night.
[Images: Getty Images]
Emmys 2008 Red Carpet Coverage
Sep 21st
LA-Deli will be the best place for all your Emmy Awards updates. (All times are in LA time)
FIND OUT WHO LA-DELI THOUGHT WAS THE BEST (& WORST) DRESS TOMORROW! THANKS FOR STAYING WITH US.
ALSO THANKS TO KORRGAN, FOR BRAVING HERSELF TO COVER THE RED CARPET FOR US. SEE HER PHOTOS TOMORROW.
5:00pm: It’s over. No Katherine.
4:58pm: Still no Katherine Heigl. Fuck this. She really doesn’t give a fuck.
4:55pm: Wayne Brady, lmao. Did they forget the red carpet is for celebrities?
4:48pm: 12 minutes left.
4:47pm: LA-Deli staff are having a cigarette with TMZ paps. All we want is Katherine. Everyone, fuck off ok.
4:45pm: Wow. Tom Hanks. Now where the fuck is Katherine Heigl. Katherine we love you.
4:41pm: Christina Applegate. She wears breast cancer well because cancer fucked off. We love her. Good luck Christina.
4:39pm: Christian Siarno. Whatever.
4:34pm: Diddy’s with his mother and says he’s here because of her. Because she mistakingly didn’t go through with that abortion.
4:26pm: Mr. Jay reviewing America. “I love her make up, I love her jewelry. Then as we pan down we see her fatness.” Korrgan. Please don’t make shit up. It’s funny though. America could fit into those Travelling Pants.
4:24pm: Felicity Huffman won’t be scoring highly in our Red Carpet critique. A drag queen trying to be elegant. Transamerica 2?
4:23pm: Julia Louis-Dreyfus. She could be one of the lower ranks.
4:22pm: Jeremy Piven. Oh god, I want to push him onto his pack, whip his cock out and slide down it balls deep.
4:21pm: David Boreanaz. With his dipshit of a wife that cannot read. She took a note out of her purse and he stole it and read it for her.
4:19pm: Glenn Close with her husband. They make an attractive gay couple after their recent wedding in California after gay marriage was legalized.
4:16pm: Eva Longoria. Looking both fat and pregnant. Not just one.
4:13pm: We interview Teri. LA-Deli: “Are you menstrating ketchup red to go with your mustard yellow dress, or are you so old you don’t do that any more?” Teri: “No comment. But I will say this, it’s not normal.”
4:12pm: The E! reporter called Teri Hatcher’s dress mustard. Hatchet is gonna rip her head. Standby.
More VMA Reflections.
Sep 8th
First of all, let's discuss this.
Yes, Christina Aguilera took the stage last night as one of the best performers of the evening, depressingly. Sure people still have forgotten she was even there much like they did two years ago at the VMAs, but Christina definitely got some coverage, largely because people were trying to decide if she was ripping off Britney, Kylie or Lady Gaga more. The song is pretty ok, but Christina lip-synched her way through it to give a very "Spears Like" dancey performance of a very Kylie song looking a helluva lot like Lady Gaga. Christina tries. Shes like this little train who keeps trying. Except it didn't have the flair of Spears, the Sizzle of Kylie or the zanyness of Gaga.
Russell Brand pretty much bombed. This is because Hollywood is uptight and hates laughing at itself, but it's also because Russell Brand is fucking annoying and unfunny. Let's not forget this man started out in a crappy Big Brother spinoff show, in which he was also a disaster. He is this annoying, unfunny, douchebag who seems to just get jobs for existing. Fuck MTV and Channel 4 for embracing this mess. They always have the most annoying douchey presenters.
Pink was pretty good, but what in the fuck is the need for them to drown her out with the backing track? Her performance was probably the best of the night, certainly Rihanna will be crying little dinosaur tears at the vast gulf of betterness Pink created between herself and everyone else there.
The rest ranged from dull to really fucking dull, can someone just end this Jonas Brothers thing right now? They are like Hanson, except without any of the fun or charm or anything redeeming whatsoever. Id hit it with the most feminine one, as long as he was gagged as he is douche central.
Oscar Recap.
Feb 25th
The Oscars were more fun this year than usual probably because the generally public actually knew some of the nominated films but also because the writers strike is over. Heres who won what followed by red carpet pictures. I am glad i didn't subject myself to this torture though. Self congratulatory circlejerks which endure for the longest yard aren't my favourite past-time for Sundays.
WINNERS
BEST PICTURE
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
BEST DIRECTOR
JOEL AND ETHAN COEN
BEST ACTRESS
MARION COLLITARD
BEST ACTOR
DANIEL DAY LEWIS
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
TILDA SWINTON
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
JAVIER BARDEM
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
DIABLO CODY for JUNO
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
JOEL AND ETHAN COEN for NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
BEST ANIMATED PICTURE
RATATOUILLE
BEST SCORE
ATONEMENT
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
THE GOLDEN COMPASS
Laura Linney.
Hilary Swank
Amy Adams
Cameron Diaz
Daniel Day Lewis
Katherine Heigl actually looking nice for once.
Jennifer Garner. Win.
Heidi Klum Devil.
Nicole Kidman
Marion Collitard.
Penny Cruz
Renee Zellweger
Furious Constipation!
Feb 11th
Beyonce and Tina Turner push out two big ones on stage at the Grammys.
Beyonce looks like she has peni in this shot. Unfortunate dress bunching there. Just kidding she defo has a huge salami down there. You know Beyonce got a soccer punch to the ovaries after this performance for trying to outsing Tina. B Girl just cant leave it alone and let Tina have her moment!
Grammy Red Carpet
Feb 10th
Heres a pick of the red carpet Grammy guests.
Carrie Underwood looked smokin hot but those tits looked painted on. She is laising with Mariah Carey and they are totally painting on body parts. Mimi is going to paint a butterfly on her tits soon and then act as though the butterfly is inside of her.
Cyndi Lauper was too tired to stand up any more so she took a rest on a giant Grammy sign. She looks like the sun is hurting her. Time for her to demand ambient lighting. You know i demand that shit whenever i enter a room.
Ace Young from American Idol was there. He is so not relevant now, but he is hot and I think those rosy cheeks justify coverage. More Ace Young in the future please.
Hottest bitch of the night goes to Adrienne Lau. I have no idea who she is but i know she is up for hitching up already too-small skirts and that is fine by me. Bai Ling was sitting at home laughing deliciously at how she has the slutty asian crazy market cornered. Little did she know of the storm which has announced itself at the Grammys. Actually, poor Bai probably tried getting in but ended up passed out in a dumpster behind the red carpet…just kidding, BAI was of course there, she must have smelt competition.
This is high crapture! Bai looks like the lovechild of a Scottish sailor and a crumpet! Skinny slut.
Mika is a hot bitch and even though i want to punch him in the face sometimes, i also feel like he is 98% gay and that bodes well. You just know he is totally fun and cool for like 7 months then all of a sudden he reveals hes deeply suicidal and needy and you are all like, trying to give it space so he gets the message but he just keeps calling and crying on the phone. Leave it, Mika!
Miley Cyrus looked bloated and uncomfortable. She is cute like a hamster, but the dark makeup and hair makes her look like a demon too. I am not sure who did those hair extensions or her makeup but they probably had a sense of humour. Miley needs to get her ass home and watch 13 Going on 30 or something. The Grammys are not a place for kids!
The Screen Actors Guild awards 2007
Jan 29th
Some people won some awards, but what we are really interested in is who looked most like a tangerine.
Brenda Strong makes me wonder why I’m being subjected to so many hours of Teri Hatcher’s beat face and just a precious few minutes of hers.
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