And by that i mean ‘Teen Choice Arrivals’ i of course mean ‘People who turned up who actually interest me’ and that is pretty much Britney Spears and no-one else. The Teen Choice Awards can call it a day as soon as Trailer Muffin showed up because the job is done. Money is made. Time for home.

Brit Brit was probably only there because she heard that the Giant Walking Caramel Frap formerly known as Kim Kardashian would also be there.

Kim had a long night of running away from Brit Brit screaming “But ah just wants a little sip! I wont hurtchoo AH PROMISE!”

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Jordana Brewster showed up. I’d show Jordana Brewster a nice evening involving wine, scrabble and rough sex.

I’m not sure why i like her. I think it was Chuck. But she played an asshole on Chuck and was fairly wooden. Idk.

Fuggie Fug was dere because she knew there was a pissy quota to be maintained. She go pissy piss in de cup and then she pour it right up on da face of the bitch who dont know she da shit.

I feel im doing the black eyed peas work for them. Fuggie i feel is one of those poor-photograph syndromes. I think if you met this ho in real life she’d be hot and shit but the camera does not work for her.

Zefron showed up to have sex with himself (Chace) in the toilets during the interval. Im sure thats what celebrity seat-filler Pheobe Price had her main turn in that night.

DEY BE BORING BUT DEY BE PRETTY.

The girls probably met up later to compare makeup tips, but they looked positively butch next to the teeny-tiny homo from Twilight.

He’s like a cute little gay to keep in your pocket and tell you to put down the carbs! And speaking of gays…

There was the usual spread of misc twats and queers including Hannah MonSnaggleBeGone (Who stole her Snaggleteefs?)  and those Jonas creatures.

Every time i see Miley a tear comes to my eye, it’s so nice to see little hookers gently blossom into adult crackpipe smoking meth loving prozzies. I give it 3 years before she’s on a fucking gurney. Thankfully Abigail Breslin was there to show her how real kids dress.

Oh wait, nevermind.

Also there was Kristen Stewart reminding me that I hate her and also looking very much like a giant limb. There is something spider-like about her and it makes me sad in the eyes, brain, ears and toes. Kristen better watch out because i hear Jordin Sparks is HONGARY….

Nom-Nom Satin was a brave choice and it paid off. Well played, Jordin; and no cake stains! Score! I kid, Jordin looks a damn sight more attractive than spiderwoman up there. Do not scroll back up.

Oh and also Robert Pattisnson showed up to act laboured by having fans and also dressed like a hobo streetworker.

FIERCE FAIL.

Heres more of Brit Brit DOING HUR BIZNESS