HER BONY ASS WISHES.

HER BONY ASS WISHES.

And so it begins…..

Getluv can’t be with us because his ass had to go to rehab for a night, but Korrgan and DeliLlama are going to hold the fort and get CRUNK over this mess. Join us.

3.03PM PST: Ryan is doing a “hottie search” and by “hottie search” he means “peen search” in which he looks for hotties with cocks. This is gonna be a longggggg night.

3.05PM PST: Jonathan Rhys Meyers is gay as the day. GAY GAY GAY. Hot, crackie, but gay. Julianna is asking some dumbass questions and he just wants some coke and crackie. He kind of scares me. I think he is sucking my virgnity away with his eyes and top lip.

3:06PM PST: Kristin is about as close to Tina Fey as we are going to get on this shit. Ashley Jensen is leaving Ugly Betty!? Noooooooo. Mistake. Ashley’s ass does not want to go back to Annan!

3.15PM PST: Who even is Jennifer Morrison? She is sweet and hot and i’d hit it. Bitch just admitted she was only one stumoch flu away from her target weight! Hot.

KORRGAN has entered the room of coverage hell.

3.21PM PST:
Llama: Welcome to the fifth layer, Korrgan.
Korrgan: Eeww Jenna Fisher. Hello, grandma. She srsly has my grandma’s shade of lipstick. Gross.
Lama:  Who even is she? She’s on the office, Right?
Korrgan: Aww. She so badly wants to move on from TV to movies. Leave Steve Carrell and his ass behind.

3.25 PM PST:
Korrgan: I’m waiting to see Sandra Oh or a black person. So I can say, “Sandra Oh looking Asian.” Or, “Denzel Washington looking black.”
Llama: What is this poll shit? E! aren’t even trying.
Korrgan: They had to put something over Rumer Willis’ face.

3.29 PST:
Korrgan: WHAT IS WRONG WITH RUMER WILLIS’ HAIR?
Llama: I have no idea.
Korrgan: Miss Golden Globe? If this is a beauty pageant, Rumer is not going home with the gold.
Llama: Her hair kind of looks like a heavy flow.
Llama: Yeah Ryan watched moonlighting and pretended his ass was Cybil!

3.32PM PST:
Llama: Hey Korrgan, Slumdog Millionare people, they are asian!
Korrgan: YAY! OMG! The Slumdog Millionare guys, lookin Asian.
Llama: Niceeee. They are pretty Asian. I’m sure some are British.
Korrgan; The hell did they just do on live TV?
Llama: I have no fucking idea. I need to get more drunk.

3.34PM PST:
Llama: ALEC BALDWIN ALERRRTT.
Korrgan: I’m scared, he’s going to slap me or something.

3.38PM PST:
Llama:  GLAMASTRATOR WITH JAYYYYY
Korrgan:  WAT? They just put stuff over her bewbs!
Llama:  They are drawing shit on her . They’ve just ticked her vagina.
Korrgan:  I don’t understand what they’re doing.

3.39PM PST:
Llama: ALEC BALDWIN TRYING TO MAKE RYAN SEEM LIKE HE WAS DOING WOMEN.
Korrgan:  Alec Baldwin with bubblegum. I think he just made out with a 12 year old, because what grown man chews bubblegum on the red carpet at the Golden Globes?
Llama: They just panned up Alec Baldwin’s crotch.
Korrgan: He just made an UR-EH-UR-EH sound.
Llama:  Alec Baldwin just pissed all over Ryan Seacrest. WIN.

LLAMA has left for a TOILET BREAK.

3.45PM
K: Womanizer WOMA WOMANIZER.. oh we’re back from break.

Oh, Hurah, EVA LONGORIA has arrived! She’s skinny now! She’s lost weight since she was a fatass at the Emmy’s. Did she give birth or something?

Oh please, Eva. “We didn’t care when Desperate Housewives wasn’t nominated!’

Yeahright. Marcia Cross destroyed a table. And Felicity ate a brownie.
LOL. Rumer Willis on screen AGAIN. We do not care, E!. Get her off my screen.
mmm, Aaron Eckhart. Wet vagina alert! The first of the night.

3.52pm:
Llama: What is Simon Baker even talking about right now?
Korrgan:  Hmm. Simon Baker… Not really a wet vagina alert but.. erect nipple alert, maybe?
Llama: He needs to get his eyebrows trimmed and head back to The Devil Wears Prada.

And now, an interview with Eva Longoria

Korrgan: Eva, you were a fatass lard butt four months ago. What happened? Did you give a toothbrush a blowjob?
Eva: No, but I did catch a little anorexia.
Korrgan: Can I catch that from you too? Anyway, Alec Baldwin was chewing bubblegum like an idiot. Why?
Eva: I saw him give Miley Cyrus a rimjob.
Korrgan: Of course.

3.56pm: 
Llama: TRACY MORGAN ALERT! I’m on a hot bitch from 30 ROCK watch.
Korrgan:You know, I saw an episode of that.
Llama: God Jay is so unbelivably gay. GLAMASTRATOR!!!!

4.00PM
Korrgan: Debra Messing, WHO? Just kidding! I like the Starter Wife. Stupid but fun. Like Debra.
Llama: She looks hot. Makeup Tricks!

GETLUV has arrived in hell.

4.04PM
Llama: Welcome  to hell! Amy Adams is currently queuing to speak to Ryan Seacrest, what fuckery is this?

4:10PM

Hi you guys, Getluv here. I’m really dying. This is what happens when you suck on Lindsay Lohan’s left testicle.

Korrgan on Drew Barrymore:
WAT. Is wrong with Drew Barrymore’s hair?! It’s like two anorexics got in a fight for a tic tac in her hair.

The Llama tells us something about his sexuality: Steve Carell is sporting a beard.

Right. Thanks for the updates you guys, but even when I was in rehab I was fucking funny. I told the nurses to put on gloves. The things I did this weekend.

4:14PM: The Llama on Chelsea Lately: Chelsea is a douche. It’s the captain of Wall-E!

And it looks like Michael Moore came for the food. Korrgan writes: “He’s talking about hanging out on the set of Gossip Girl and stroking his cock to Leighton Messner.”

Interesting.

4:19PM: Korrgan brings us breaking news.

“David Duchovny out from sex rehab! He’s about to rape Glenn Close in the ass. Because she has a penis.”

4:20PM: We’ve noticed that the Deli Llama has had to have a 4 minute wanking break, to Colin Farrel. So he brings out his inner fashion critic in the process: “Drew Barrymore is looking fucking hot. I dont care what people say, her wonk hair works for me”. Tyra’s new bitch?

4:22PM:

Korrgan: Hayden Panetfuckthisname, where is your pedophile boyfriend Milo?
Hayden: He’s at home raping 12 year olds.
Korrgan: Why isn’t he raping you?
Hayden: I’m like 20 now. I’m too old for him.
Korrgan: Sad.

4:23PM:

Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers are on stage. And the Llama & Korrgan are going into hyperventilation. That’s what happens when you have no one. Both are upset that the Miley Cyrus talking about Porche’s while Plumber Joe struggles to pay his mortgage, and an African kid can only eat 1 grain of rice a year.

The Llama on Miley: “She’s Satan”.

Korrgan on Miley: “If anything, she’s like that Exorcist demon that posseses you.”

The New York Post just rang you guys, and they’re very interested in teen retardation.

4:29PM:

Debra Messing is still outside?

4:31PM:

Llama: America Ferrera looks so fucking pissed with people all the time. Thats a latina who takes no shit, i like her!

Korrgan: Look at her. She’s got that, “I’m a fucking stuck-up, self-centered cunt.” face.

Llama: Kyra is pissed off that she’s having to share with Eva, Eva Mendes isnt someone you should share a stage with. Wait is Eva trying to imply she had sex with Ryan? Because unless she has a cock then she’s making lies up from her hot latina hair.

Thanks Korrgan Lohan and Michael Hilton.

4:34PM:

Brangelinnnnaaaaaaa! (& Beyonce). Haha, teaches Kate Winslet and Leo a lesson for talking about 2 hours of boring dialogue.

4:38PM:

Korrgan: Anne Hathaway annoys me. People are trying to make her into an Angelina-like fashionista. But she’s not. Can we please get these two skanks, Mark and Anne, off my screen and get Brangelina up on stage with Ryan? No, Blake is above horror movies. She should be on a shitty teen drama about losing a pair of jeans.

Llama on the Fashion Police being held a week later: … they have to think that shit through like its political science.

4:40PM:

Llama is admiring E!’s Star Tracker. He’s also having a 3 minute masturbation session to Zac Efron and Megan Fox. That’s what those bisex’s do.

4:42PM

Llama and Korrgan are in awe for Brangelina. After Ryan Seacrest chased them down and they are like “Fuck off and die bitch” stared at them. Whoa. And didn’t even waste time for an interview. True A-list those 2.

Sandra Bullock is looking hot.

Korrgan on Angelina Jolie: Just looking at her, you know that she is better than you in every single way. And she knows it too.

4:50PM:

P. Diddy has arrived. Korrgan on Diddy: Is P Diddy even a celebrity any more? When was the last time he did a single thing that was successful? 1999?

Korrgan now has a wet vagina to the mercury poisoned Jeremy Piven. Even Llama has a crush on him. Seriously you two.

Zefffrrrron!

Megan Fox JUST CALLED HERSELF A TRANNY

4:53PM:

Looks like Megan Fox will be the new whore for LA-Deli this year. Sure to wn over the hearts of our editors and advertisers. Tranny blow jobs are as good as they sound.

4:56PM:

Fact from Korrgan: Shiloh Pitt played the black mother in Benjamin Button. Duh.

Thank god, 4 minutes left.

4:58PM: Llama: Tom Cruise just accosted Ryan.

Korrgan: They gave each other the gay sex eye.

Michael: I fucking love Sandra Bullock. Kate Beckinsale is looking for a tranny film role. Salma Hayek is wrongly sexy.

5PM:

Llama’s final statement: NEEDED MORE JENNIFER GARNER. that was absolutely tragic actually there wasnt even any comedy value from it aside from Ryan Seacrest getting shot down by brangelina

Korrgan’s final statement: I don’t think I’ll ever forget Brangelina telling Ryan to fuck off on camera, and then walking off. It’ll be my last memory as a die an old lady at 46 from AIDS…as I die.

getluv’s final statement: I think I would prefer a martini laced with vicodin at this stage.