Celebrity Approved: Prostitution.

Jessica Simpson is no stranger to prostitution.

Not unlike you and I, celebrities prize one thing above all else. No, not world peace…Money, of course!

However unlike you and I, celebrities have an open platform to degrade their dignity for profit in a way we might most commonly call common prostitution. To celebrities the term  prostitution is degrading, so instead they call this act “endorsement”.

Many celebrities are happy to sacrifice all self-respect by lying to star-struck teenagers about the benefits of using Pro-Activ and how much weight they can lose from following their fitness DVDs. However, some Hollywood stars think of themselves as having built up a level of something called prestige. This usually means they’ve won an award of some sort as a result of starring in an independent movie.You see independent movies, being in them and then being recognized for being in them (accompanied by heavy doses of crying and shaking)  is considered to be a holy grail in Hollywood prestige. 

In order to mantain this prestiege in the eyes of the only audience that they care about (the people who run the media) but still profit ridiculously from selling themselves celebrities have turned to a wonderful new world. This world is called Asia and it’s quite a bit west of Canada and quite a bit east of Britain.  America don’t care where it is.

In Asia, there are no bigwigs to say “No, that’s enough” to Catherine Zeta Jones, and certainly no one to question the Beckham’s statuses as demi-gods.

A prime example of this is Ben Stiller selling soft drinks to Japanese viewers. The only major difference between this endorsement and perhaps one of US origin is that Ben Stiller actually allowed this commercial to air.

In fact, the great thing about appearing in an Asian commercial is that you don’t even have to be that famous for Asian companies to throw boatloads of money at you. If you are willing to degrade yourself on some level and spend a few hours in a recording studio to dub over the commercial then you are pretty much set.

Celebrities will pretty much shit themselves on camera if it means being paid handsomely and having the damage limited to a few hundred million Asian people. However, with the advent of the internet, this kind of prostitution is becoming more and more difficult for celebrities to maintain, a predicament much like a prostitute on your local street corner faced when she found her crab infestation being photographed and posted around the neighbourhood.  It’s not good for business.

Of course, as part of the package the same celebs who trade their souls in for a few million dollars to sell a watch or a tampon must also complain about the intrusive nature of the business and talk a lot about how all they care about is the craft of thesp.

This is where Hollywood Stars truly pale in professionalism to a common prostitute, as any dime store hooker knows the most unprofessional thing you can do when riding for green in the back of a car is to cry during it.