You are up there on stage, you are soaking up the atmosphere, fans are screaming your name, you are hitting all the right notes and then suddenly out of nowhere a little trannylicious disaster is all up on your stage swaggering its ass around like it owns the song. What? No! Go away!

VMA TRANNY ALERT

VMA TRANNY ALERT

This is probably the thoughts of Alicia Keys on Lil Mama crashing her Jay-Z duet at the VMAS. Alicia told GMA that

“We can appreciate her being overwhelmed and inspired but we would have preferred she did it from her seat”.

TRANSLATION: “That tranny frightened me, she frightened and emotionally scarred me, and I don’t want it to happen again. I’d like some more Vicodin now to handle the trauma.”

To be honest if i saw Lil Mama jump up towards me I’d seriously be in a&e. Lil Mama is some chupacabra business! Lil Chupacabra! I wonder how Lil Chup got past security. They probably took one look at her heading up and were like “FUCK THIS, I HAVE A FAMILY!”

Secretly, Alicia Keys is super super happy that the only other people on stage with her were Lil Mama and Jay Z, because lets face it, you could look like a dog’s rotting asshole and still be pretty sexy next to those two.