A Shot at Love 2, Episode 2
May 4th, 2008The nightmare continues as we enter the house of a thousand candy coloured vomits.
Yes its a youtube capture. Deal with it! You can follow the Youtube episode here.
Come with me on our journey through dyke and douche to see if this week Tila "really connects" with anyone. Connecting involves bumping STIS in circular motions and passing the test to see who has more weave in their pubes.
As they are shown into their shared gigantic bed, Jay reveals he is excited that the tranny lesbos are going to make a move on his ass because hes "pretty hot". Jay has been smoking from a Lindsay Lohan bong where DUI's never happened, panties were just really flesh coloured and weight loss is related to something other than crack. It's called the bong of delusion and I seriously need that shit to function.
Brittany reveals that if she wakes up with peen in her face she is going to "castrate" whoever's peen is doing the dirty. Brittany could seriously castrate a guy with one look. It bothers me when peopel spell Britney like this. Britney Spears made it right. Bitch had to do something for the world.
The producers of A Shot at Love know the score and also had a bar installed in the bedroom. This reminds me of my room, where I have a bar too. It means im constantly intoxicated and it's for the best. No one has known me sober for 13 years. I start getting all nice and fucking compassionate and shit when im sober and that's not attractive.
Michelle gets pissed that the guys are hitting on the dykes. She doesn't like her turf being soiled upon and with a Chola face like that they better watch their asses. You can tell Michelle is a lesbo because she is wearing a tie-dye top. Lesbians are to fashion what Mariah is to sanity. They just don't go.
Dominic then reveals he doesn't believe in lesbians and thinks they are like the tooth fairy. All a beautiful lie. No he actually calls it a "phase".
Note Dominic is a personal trainer. Those assholes need to stand still and look pretty. Or in dominics case just stand still and shut up! I hope Michelle slashes his ass for that insolence.
Tila takes their asses to her casino where Dominic says "This is Vegas. We are in Vegas!" No, Dominic, you are in a shitty room adorned with gold curtains with a few game tables set up. Do you understand that? That this is not Vegas? Yes?
I don't even know who this guy is, that being said, and taking into consideration he's on a reality TV show to try and screw Tila Tequila, i'd still hit it. Don't judge me. Fudge me! Hot guy follows Tila as she attempts private time with a fellow dyke called Lisa. Lisa speaks poison words of hot guy who we establish to be called Kyle. Kyle promptly walks in to the private time. Lisa calls him Jeff Dahmer
I like how in this show, they always hit brick walls with situations which never really get resolved, so they just jump on to the next event. This is where Tila grabs another chick and bumps lesbo minge with her. I swear this girl is a full blown dyke! Why is she lying to us!?
Kyle knows the score and walks back in during their lesbo mating dance. Kyle starts slapping on Sabrinas leg when she is kissing Tila. Kyle needs to learn the rules of lesbians. When they are feeding you do not disturb them upon any circumstance other than the presence of Lucy Lawless in the room.
They play a game of taking their clothes off to see who gets to spend alone time with Tila. This of course creates a critical mass of crabs. Somewhere, Paris Hilton hears a faint call beconing her to the hive. Then some chick called Fame turns up at this stage. Was she even there last week? Thy need to bring back Janny asap?! Janny was a hot ho.
Tila decides to throw a night club party and they all go crazy because everyone is drunk. Tila tries to act like this randy behaviour is something out of the norm, beacuse the police arrive and they are not okay with weird bisexual reality games that keep the neighbours up. Brangelina called this one in.
Jay decides that with the police outside it's a good time to start shouting "GET THE FUCK UP HERE AND LETS FUCKING PARTY!". I get the feeling Jay hasn't been to all that many parties stopped by the police because at that stage of the night, your ass's job is to shut the fuck up, look sheepish and at least act apologetic. Dumbass.
Tila decides the only way to deal with this is to flirt with the police and starts grinding up against him. He gives Tila a ticket and tells her ass she is basically an alien who repulses him. Just kidding, but he was thinking that.
The next morning Samantha applies chapstick to her eyes and then sticks glitter all over it. She claims people as a result call her Glitter. I however, call her dodo. Because her ass has to be that dumb to apply chapstick and stick glitter to it. Mariah Carey would approve though. Shit she'd think it's genius. Don't tell her, my eyes can't take that trend on the red carpet.
At breakfast Chad and Jay decide to "mix it up" by creatively egging the lesbos. The lesbos react fiercely and do not appreciate the sheanningans. This is because their vaginas are tight and angry. It is a lesbian trait! Just kidding. So Scotty decides to let the lesbos loosen up by throwing juice all over an already pissed off Samantha. Samantha is only pissed because that Glitter took all of 87 seconds to apply and its back to the drawing board for her
A game ensues where people have to catch fake money. Tila slates George for catching $5 because she claims it wont even get her anything in a dollar store. Tila and Math are two creatures who are not friends.
Fame starts to sing to Tila during Brittany's alone time. Everyone is wierded out.
More things happen. Fame goes home in tears and Christian leaves for being a drunk! The end!
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