A Shot at Cyanide!
April 25th, 2008Tila Tequila is back with her second season of A Shot At Love because shockingly enough the guy she chose first time around didn't want anything to do with her ass.
Come with me on a journey through the first episode of Tilas return. Please remember that you run a high risk of death simply from reading this post. All contact with TT should be limited.
The night starts well as we learn that A Shot at Love is executive produced by a Mexican stripper.
She is definitely ordering tasty mexican snacks right now and shaking her chicolata for Canadian dollars.
Next, a lesbian called Serenity lets us know that she's so excited to meet Tila that she is going to piss herself. Serenity should know better than to joke about this kind of thing on a reality show. Somethin from Flavor of Love made this all too real.
Then we meet my favourite slut so far, Janny.
Janny is a communications major but bitch is possibly a little slow in the head. She isn't right and i think she will go far in this competition. But Janny isn't dumb enough to compare Tila to jesus, which is exactly what Nick does. Jesus was a VIRGIN Nick. You do the math.
Tila reveals the first challenge which involves the guys versus the dykes in cages dancing. Of course they all dance like three legged dogs , but, Chad a flooring installer drops the line "Lickity Split them lesbians." High point.
Moving swiftly on, Tila is romancing dykes in a house which looks like it was jizzed upon by Willy Wonka. Kirsty reveals herself to be "very bisexual". She forgets to reveal that she's also "very tranny". Kirsty is a model from Yonkers, but I'm guessing she's an ass model or something because that face is made for blowjobs.
Michelle is a massage therapist. I have a feeling she is also a chola-crack dealer. She totally talks like one and when Tila is stolen away she gets totally pissed off! Watch out girls this bitch is going to slash you. That would be hot.
Tila cries. Shit happens. She decides its time for a "titillating talent show". Of course. This provides many, many moments of hotness.
Tarra playing the accordion.
Okay only one moment of hotness. I lied.
The girls move into the elimination room where Serenity and Lilly start making out. You just fucking know Tila isn't going to stand for this. She doesn't want her new STDS mingling like this. It shouldn't be done. Tila is onto them because she is stalking them by hiding around corners. She is almost like a LOLCat.
IM IN UR HOUSE. WATCHING UR LEZBOS
Tila is very disappointed that she's not getting the first cut of the clit pie.
She proceeds to eliminate both Lili and Serenity for doing tongue tangos behind her back. They should know that midgets from Singapore are like ninja spies, and their failure to aknowledge this fact allowed tila to say "Give me back my keys and get the fuck out of my house." I don't know who didn't tell Tila that this house is a VH1 RENTAL and she doesn't get to keep it at the end. Then Tila eliminates 4 more sluts including my beautiful Janny.
Whilst the other slut guys shower Tila with compliments and flowers, Chad decides to tell Tila he's "packin heat" and goes on to say that "Chicks love wang-bone. Why do you think chicks have strap-ons and things of that nature? To simulate wang-bones! Which I come stocked with!"
Tila goes on to put a flower she was gifted by Mason into another guys asshole. No, seriously. Can someone send Hottie into this show? It needs an upgrade.
Jay and Bo have a little tiff in which they want to hit each other. Unfortunately it doesn't happen. If this was The Flavor of Love there would be discarded weaves on the floor and broken heels in the face by now. Tila breaks it up by introducing a gay fashion show.
Dick in a Box. Muscles. Face humping. Nothing of interest comes of this. Tila sends their asses to elimination and Dick in a Box is first to go, but halfway through Jeremy, who is clinically insane, starts to look like hes going to barf on a bitch. This is not good.
Jeremy looks like a bad hangover. I definitely wouldn't it it. He is sent home to barf on his own turf. Im sure home is a cardboard box. Tila then sends Chris home for not being familiar enough with her to bend her over and hump her. Bitch needs to stop lying because i saw her ass taking it from behind in JCPenny last monday.
The end.
God.
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