Heres a pick of the red carpet Grammy guests.

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Carrie Underwood looked smokin hot but those tits looked painted on. She is laising with Mariah Carey and they are totally painting on body parts. Mimi is going to paint a butterfly on her tits soon and then act as though the butterfly is inside of her.

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Cyndi Lauper was too tired to stand up any more so she took a rest on a giant Grammy sign. She looks like the sun is hurting her. Time for her to demand ambient lighting. You know i demand that shit whenever i enter a room.

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Ace Young from American Idol was there. He is so not relevant now, but he is hot and I think those rosy cheeks justify coverage. More Ace Young in the future please.

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Hottest bitch of the night goes to Adrienne Lau. I have no idea who she is but i know she is up for hitching up already too-small skirts and that is fine by me. Bai Ling was sitting at home laughing deliciously at how she has the slutty asian crazy market cornered. Little did she know of the storm which has announced itself at the Grammys. Actually, poor Bai probably tried getting in but ended up passed out in a dumpster behind the red carpet…just kidding, BAI was of course there, she must have smelt competition.

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This is high crapture! Bai looks like the lovechild of a Scottish sailor and a crumpet! Skinny slut.

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Mika is a hot bitch and even though i want to punch him in the face sometimes, i also feel like he is 98% gay and that bodes well. You just know he is totally fun and cool for like 7 months then all of a sudden he reveals hes deeply suicidal and needy and you are all like, trying to give it space so he gets the message but he just keeps calling and crying on the phone. Leave it, Mika!

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Miley Cyrus looked bloated and uncomfortable. She is cute like a hamster, but the dark makeup and hair makes her look like a demon too. I am not sure who did those hair extensions or her makeup but they probably had a sense of humour. Miley needs to get her ass home and watch 13 Going on 30 or something. The Grammys are not a place for kids!