CD Review: Ashlee Simpon
April 27th, 2008
So, how bad does Ashlee Simpson's shit smell?
Asslee Simpson has copped her fair of shit over the last few years for basically breathing to her own songs. The problem with her music is that it's not that bad. I've never bought one of her albums but I do enjoy the singles she has put out. Anyways, I found out that the best way not to put on weight is to blow 'hard-earned' money on charity and buying her new album, Bittersweet World, sounded like a good idea. Not surprisingly, most songs sound like 2nd rate hand-me-downs from Gwen Stefani but believe it or not there is fun to be had.
Outta My Head is annoying after a while, but I think that is the point.
Boys is a bit like going to McDonald's in a foreign country. Mildly enjoyable but with the unwanted guilt.
Rule Breaker is a lyrical abomination. I can imagine her writing this song, "I must mention something about beef, teeth, daddy and colouring outside the lines." Skip, unless you need a laugh.
No Time For Tears has a good beat and her voice suits it, but unfortunately someone did a shit. Timbaland? Is this poo yours?
Little Miss Obsessive is strangely addictive, everything seems to work. Seriously!
Ragdoll is a Gwen Stefani ripoff, but a good one. Gwen's vagina will be happy and I like it when Gwen has a happy vagina.
The title track, Bittersweet World, is where Ashlee tries to bring peace to the Middle East. It won't happen, but it's an admirable effort.
What I've Become is an unfortunate mess, like her sister.
Hot Stuff is as close Ashlee comes to stand-up comedy. Seriously, it's fucking hilarious and mildly catchy.
If you get kicks imagining Ashlee to be a Persian then Murder is for you. When she sings about a monkey being on her back, thats money in the bag. Seriously, as if I'd make this shit up.
Never Dream Alone is probably, no joke, the strongest song of her career. Its subdued, calm and wonderful. The lyrics are still rather obtuse but we can forget that.
Now you're probably wondering if Joe Simpson paid me for this entry, but honestly, he overpaid me. I honestly think we should lay off Ashlee Simpson for awhile, maybe until the end of May. There is no originality here, but it's worthy of your attention.
Score: 3 anal pubic hairs /5
Standouts: Never Dream Alone, Ragdoll, Boys, Bittersweet World and Outta My Head.
April 30th, 2008 at 8:04 am
I totally admit to loving the Ashlee. I wish people would stop with the music snobbery and just enjoy music for being fun and silly. I think this album is pretty cool. Granted, she’s no Mariah, my queen.