Why is it that when black chicks fight with each other on The Flavor Of Love is wildly entertaining and I totally get into it, but when white chicks fight on the Rock of Love reunion im just like, shit I didn't mean to tune into Jerry Springer. Dayum.
Does this make me a racist? Probably. A racist against whites! I'm an african queen on the inside. I also enjoy saying ZANZIBAR far too much.
In a wonderful turn of events involving Wikipedia and also in no small part due to incredible investigative skills gifted to me by the gods I was albe to to discover that snake-hipped ho Alizee from gay Paris is back in business after a long hiatus.
Alizee is filled with what internet people might call "EPIC WIN". Alizee had been toying with my heart for many years by not announcing if she'd be returning to music. Then she just pops up like Fergie in a bath of Crystal Meth!! Expect more about ALIZEE MON CHERI soon.
Alizee always was my favourite pokemon.
Teri Hatchett probably gave two handjobs and a spitfuck to be allowed to sing Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" on Idol Gives Back. Ok i'm kidding! Relax! She got her skinny ass up infront of a lot of fat people who probably made her feel a bit sick to sing the Underwood song for a good cause. Shes such a Joker! No, seriously, they are offering $2m to take over as Joker in the next Batman.
Teri is kind of fun and cool. I can imagine us being friends but also can imagine me having some thread and a needle which I would use to sew her shut when she starts getting annoying. You know shes not like those annoying friends you can shut up with tasty foodsnacks. Hatchett doesn't eat so you gotta sew around the botox.
More images of Hilary Duff in her most adult role yet as the "middle-eastern Britney Spears" have been released for the movie "Pony Inc" which stars Hilary and the Cusack family and was funded by the Grand National and Royal Ascot.
I am not kidding when i say i'd hit it with every single person in that picture. Although I'm not sure about bald and mohawk. I think he'd try and get a little fresh with me. I am a little worried about him in all honesty. I think he might have to wait outside. Sugarcubes and Carrots sure looks fit these days. In England they'd call her fit totty on toast. Im pretty sure Haylie should move to England. If Katie Price can make it, so can Elbow Gin Duff!
Miley Cyrus has gone to considerable lengths to protect her name by trademarking hundreds of items across various categories. These items included
- Salad Dressing
- Pretzels
- Ice Buckets
- Tea
- Frozen Meals.
- thermal insulated wrap for cans to keep the contents hot or cold
- Annoying skanky bitchface.
Okay i made up the last one but she should look into that.
Who the hell is going is going to buy Miley Cyrus green tea and pretzels? Id vom my Miley Cyrus frozen meal if i saw her face on my teabags too. Come to think of it, her face totally looks like a pretzel. Actually, first and foremost, her face looks like something I want to punch a lot. But secondly, it definitely looks like a pretzel. I christen her Pretzel Salad Dressing.
I think they should send Miley, Paris, Hilary, Nicole and Lindsay onto an island together and make it happen Battle Royale style. Miley's weapon could be her snaggletooth and Paris could use her wonk eye to damage people. Damaging wonk eye is deadly! Hilary has hooves of death and Lindsay is going to get naked in that situation and let her snatch do the work. Firecrotch is the ultimate weapon. They should give a pokemon that ability.
Rebecca Loos, also known as the bird David Beckham cheated with, upping her already high class quota of wanking off a pig on British TV's reality flop The Farm.
David Beckham. A pig. A natural progression which totally makes sense. And no the pig ISN'T Mariah Carey. Rude!
One Leg Peg has popped up from hell again. The bitch can't stay down there! They probably hate her ass there as well. I wonder if she moans about human rights and shit there too. They probably sit her in a room with Hitler and watch him go apeshit crazy. Poor Hitler. OMG that crossed a line and I hope that the jews will forgive me because I hold on to my Hollywood dreams.
Apparently this photo was to aid landmind awareness back in 1999.
I am definitely certain that a naked picture of satans bride is going to help the kids from walking on landmines.
African Child One: "Hey, look, is that a penny?"
African Child Two: "No dude, don't you remember the naked satan picture? Landmine!"
African Child Three: "SHIT GUYS THERES A LION RUN FFS!"
I imagine she only has one of everything. Like, one nipple, one functioning eye, one good ear, one vagina flap, one demon head. Life is better when you imagine her to not have a second vagina flap.
Fergie is in Glamour's new May 2008 issue, but there has definitely been some retouching going on here. And LA-DELI has the exclusive before and after to prove it.
To get the stone rolling, heres the before.
As you can see, FERGIE doesn't look like a complete meth mess! This means digital trickery is at work. They obviously didn't give the girl too much credit because a white and gold baby grand is about as classy as my the girl from my high school year who now gives blowjobs for $3 in an abandoned warehouse.
And here is the shocking BEFORE.
Definitely more like the reality altogether.
Did you know that just a few cold days in a row can be deadly to an armadillo?
This is why they nest in Fergie's vagina. The climate is perfect and the only traffic they have to worry about are the crabs and Josh Duhamel's undeservingly punished penis. You know the pretty ones are always small.
I love Fergie. I can make fun of her because I would spend $100 to see her pee herself again. Okay, $50. I have to budget for porn and when you swing both ways thats double the dollars. Free porn doesn't exist to me. I am classy like that.
To all LA Deli guests, have a great Holiday season. Thank you for all of your support. 
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