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Archive for February, 2008

Celine Dion will touch your thumb!

February 13th, 2008

Celine is the most amazing bag of crazy ever. I fucking love her. I seriously had a TAKE A KAYAK party for my last birthday. It was awesome.  Anyway, heres a youtube video of Celine telling us how she likes to share positive creative energy by touching thumbs, and she is totally up for touching your thumb.

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Sounds like CELINE is spreading a thumb STI, she says she touches a LOT of thumbs. Id totally bump her bony ass thumb up against mine. I'd probably pass out and puke because my life would be complete, but Celine would act concerned as she walks away from my floppy body.

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Celebrities, Celine Dion, Hot, Youtube

Britney Spears: Finally getting her shit together?

February 13th, 2008

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Britney Spears has established herself as the worlds favourite #1 complete trainwreck of shock. No one has ever or will ever have such a wild and public struggle with a mental disorder, and transform from the worlds top pop princess to a trailer park disaster so quickly infront of our eyes. Everytime theres been a hint of Britney changing for the better, girlfriend has gone twelve steps backwards and fucked up big time! But theres new hope!

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Britney has not only been spending time with mother Lynne Spears despite Britney blaming Lynne for pushing her too hard all her life, but BJ has also made a regular thing of teaching kids dancing in Millenium Dance Studio in LA. Both unselfish acts. Both uncharacterstic for this narcisitic hoho! Brit is also not dressing like a complete prositute trashbag assrag.

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All she needs to do not is fix the beat face and weave and things will be right again! Just kidding, Brit has a long road to go, but there are gay men igniting hope candles all across the east coast right now. And yes, i know that picture of Brit with a horse is old, but it brings MEGALULZ home to stay.

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Britney Spears, Celebrities, Trainwreck

Fergie makes a funny.

February 11th, 2008

You gotta love Fergie. She may transition to all dimensions of fug occasionally, but she is also really fun and awesome. Even though shes hugely popular she doesn't try to be pretentious like Stefani or a douche like Timberlake or a slut ho like Furtado. She is just naturally a slutho and that is why i love her.

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Celebrities, Fergie ,

Somethings not right.

February 11th, 2008

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According to OK Magazine, Britney is teaching kids how to dance in LA's Millenium Dance Studio. I know guys, how the fuck can it be that BJ Spears is doing something unselfish? I don't think it's right. I don't like it. I am waiting for her to kick one of the kids and fling scolding frap at the others.

For a group of L.A.-area kids with dreams of being a dancer, a lesson from a famous hoofer is a memorable experience — and when that dancer happens to be Britney Spears, it's sure to be a day they'll never forget!

And that's exactly what's happening Monday night at the Millennium Dance Studio in North Hollywood, where the recently troubled star is continuing to try to get her life back in order by doing what she does best — entertaining. Except tonight, it's not just a couple of friends or family members looking on as Brit rehearses for her upcoming video shoot — it's a group of pre-adolescent dance students.

Brit arrived at Millennium, a favorite refuge of hers, around 6pm PT on Monday, hidden from the paparazzi. She was greeted by a group of eight children ages 4-9 — and certainly more than a few star-struck parents. An eyewitness tells OK! that Britney went up to each child and asked them their name and whether they liked Madonna, because that was the song they would be dancing to this evening.

Maya Meek, whose 8 year old son is in the class, tells OK!, "He didn't really know who Britney was, though he dances to all of her music. So when I told him 'this is the lady who makes all the songs you like,' he got very excited," says Meek. "He learned about Britney through Jamie Lynn, because he's a big fan of Zoey 101."

Even though Britney could easily charge an enormous amount of cash for tonight's lesson, she's working on a volunteer basis, and it isn't the first time. Britney has shared her years of dance experience with pre-teen hopefuls before. In the not-so-distant past, she would often pop in for surprise tutorials at Millennium.  Let's only hope that these lessons, like her regular rehearsals, become part of Brit's new career-focused routine!

UPDATE: Just before 6:30 p.m. PT, one of Britney's assitants came down to talk to the waiting mothers outside the studio, and told them that the kids were all doing "amazingly well" and that they were following every step. The assistant said Britney had a second assistant dancing behind the kids so that when they turned during their routine, they'd have someone behind them to follow.

Britney is going to 'choose' two to be her 'little friends' and then dress them in Sean and Jaydens clothes and put them in strollers. Girlfriend will 'choose' a third to be her 'doggy' and then dress him in London's little jackets. I can guarantee you some bitch is calling child protective services right now. Brits choreography is a danger to herself and those around her! The best bit is this though

Class ended at 6:50 p.m. An eyewitness tells OK! that the kids learned a variety of fun dances, including "the fish,"  "the swim" and "the choo choo train" in which the kids grabbed onto each other and hopped around like a train making choo choo noises. Brit then had the kids show off some of their own moves. The group formed a circle and each one got to dance alone in the center of the circle. 

BJ fucking loved that shit! No doubt girlfriend was trashing her ass about like a fish and pretending she was a train! She is the fastest train to cracked up crazy! Just kidding, but i know for a fact she had more "center of the circle" time.

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Britney Spears, Celebrities, Trainwreck , ,

Scientology tainted Posh!

February 11th, 2008

Posh Beckham (or POB as i like to call her because it reminds me of a PUG dog which reminds me of her) has been tainted!

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You know Tom sliced her up and put baby aliens inside of her! ALIEN exploding scene on the red carpet. Hot.

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Celebrities, Fashion Disasters, Fugly, Victoria Beckham ,

Tatters and Ice.

February 11th, 2008

Ivana Trump is 58. Rosanna Rubicondi is 35. Where is this near 20 year gap more evident? Why on the beaches of St Barts!

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That dude is seriously delicious! Although i would not go near tiny swimming shorts, what is the purpose? That shit would show off my pretzel dick too much for real. Ivana looks lumpy. Thats really all i can say about her. She is like lumpy potatoes and he is like sculpted ice. Potatoes and Ice if you will.

Ivana has the right plan, what is better to spend your millions on than a rampant, probably gay young man? Slut has heard of world poverty and doesn't give a damn!

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Celebrities, Fugly, Hot ,

Furious Constipation!

February 11th, 2008

Beyonce and Tina Turner push out two big ones on stage at the Grammys.

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Beyonce looks like she has peni in this shot. Unfortunate dress bunching there. Just kidding she defo has a huge salami down there. You know Beyonce got a soccer punch to the ovaries after this performance for trying to outsing Tina. B Girl just cant leave it alone and let Tina  have her moment!

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Awards, Beyonce, Celebrities ,

Grammy Red Carpet

February 10th, 2008

Heres a pick of the red carpet Grammy guests.

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Carrie Underwood looked smokin hot but those tits looked painted on. She is laising with Mariah Carey and they are totally painting on body parts. Mimi is going to paint a butterfly on her tits soon and then act as though the butterfly is inside of her.

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Cyndi Lauper was too tired to stand up any more so she took a rest on a giant Grammy sign. She looks like the sun is hurting her. Time for her to demand ambient lighting. You know i demand that shit whenever i enter a room.

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Ace Young from American Idol was there. He is so not relevant now, but he is hot and I think those rosy cheeks justify coverage. More Ace Young in the future please.

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Hottest bitch of the night goes to Adrienne Lau. I have no idea who she is but i know she is up for hitching up already too-small skirts and that is fine by me. Bai Ling was sitting at home laughing deliciously at how she has the slutty asian crazy market cornered. Little did she know of the storm which has announced itself at the Grammys. Actually, poor Bai probably tried getting in but ended up passed out in a dumpster behind the red carpet…just kidding, BAI was of course there, she must have smelt competition.

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This is high crapture! Bai looks like the lovechild of a Scottish sailor and a crumpet! Skinny slut.

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Mika is a hot bitch and even though i want to punch him in the face sometimes, i also feel like he is 98% gay and that bodes well. You just know he is totally fun and cool for like 7 months then all of a sudden he reveals hes deeply suicidal and needy and you are all like, trying to give it space so he gets the message but he just keeps calling and crying on the phone. Leave it, Mika!

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Miley Cyrus looked bloated and uncomfortable. She is cute like a hamster, but the dark makeup and hair makes her look like a demon too. I am not sure who did those hair extensions or her makeup but they probably had a sense of humour. Miley needs to get her ass home and watch 13 Going on 30 or something. The Grammys are not a place for kids!

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Awards, Celebrities, Fashion Disasters, Fugly, Hot , ,

Perfection fucks up!

February 10th, 2008

Rihanna is flawless in most respects. Sure she looks kind of like a triceratops but when you have the skin and eyes of another world then you automatically get away with a huge forehead. Whatever. Rihanna showed up at Clive Davis' Grammy bash looking like this.

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This simply will not do. Rihanna, as flawless and wonderful and sexy as you are, you cannot simply turn up at events wearing what you please. Your fashion choices should be laid out by an emaciated gay man known as a stylist. This stylist will let you know what works for you and what does not, and Ancient Egyptian is not a look that anyone can really rock Rihanna. I totally sense a Cleopatra themed album coming up and it makes me hurt.

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Celebrities, Fashion Disasters, Rihanna ,

Britney should ask Kim Vo for a refund.

February 10th, 2008

Kim Vo was bragging about spending four hours giving Britney Jean Spears a beautiful new head of hair extensions and taking out her current rat tails. This is the product of Kim's work.
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Kim is a fucking thief! Did he take out her rat tails and put in steel wool instead? Fuck. BJ is too crazy to see this. She probably looked in the mirror afterwards and saw a beautiful Princess staring back when what she really should be seeing is a broken woman with roadkill on her head.
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Maybe im crazy, but don't they tell people with short hair like BJ has to avoid hair extensions because they rip the shit out of your scalp? Some bitch on E! said Britney needs to buy a $15k wig and stick with that shit. I agree with the TV ho because that pony tail she has up there is unpleasant to look at.  In other news, B girl is now under Jamie and Lynne Spears' control again, as god intended.

Slightly dim pop princesses were never meant to pull their own strings. Hilary Duff was totally going to give her people attitude and shit for a while then saw Britney and her tail went back up inside her vadge and now she kisses her handlers feet every Tuesday for 4 hours.

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Britney Spears, Celebrities, Fashion Disasters, Fugly ,