The Deli has always been on top of Big Brother UK, but this year, it wasn't to be Alas we are back with more Big Brother UK stories, but I get the feeling i was a little late because CHARLEY just got her trollface evicted from the Big Brother house with 85% of the vote. For those of you who don't know who Charley is, she is basically the greatest woman on earth.

This hooker is a cousin of a nobody footballer and totally name drops and pouts like Posh. But that is not why Charley was the best housemate this year, Charley is the kind of girl who would argue with a mirror and be too dumb to realize that the annoying ho fighting back is HER. She is seriously dumb as a rock and argues more than anyone i've ever witnessed. A few weeks back, Charley got "fake evicted" where the housemates were fooled into thinking she was really evicted, Charley then got to see bad things they said about her in nominations and shit and was sent back in, after beeing booed extensively by the crowd, Charley told everyone in the house she was the most popular housemate and everyone loved her. She also once cried because Big Brother made her do a pool challenge which fucked up her weave. True story.

Here's Charlie's fake eviction. The golden nugget is at the end when people start to boo her.

Anyway that is irrelevant now that Charley has been evicted. Expect ratings and arguments to plummet! 

Obviously shitting themselves at the prospect of people turning off, Big Brother UK put five new sluts into a 'halfway house', five will become two when housemates of the real house nominate two of them to live in what is basically hell. 
Here they are.

Kara Louise

Faker than your aunt's new tits. In her interview video she just kept smiling randomly and staring off into the distance. I think she is slow and I like it. She is kind of hot though. I can guarantee you she will try to screw Ziggy within 13 minutes of house entry. Does she even know what a penis is? Haha of course she does look at that face. Low blow.

David

David is part of what appears to be a devious smear campaign against Scotland. Every goddamn Scot on television has to be a freak, a stereotype or completely retarded. David is a gay witch. No, seriously. A gay witch. But a gay witch could be the hottest thing to happen to Britain since Flog It! OR the most redundant thing to happen to Britain since Gwenny Paltrow. I think it's the latter. Go home Gwen! And get to Romania, gay witches!

Shanessa

This girl is the sexiest thing to ever happen to British television. She is so sexy my dick just exploded all over the room when she appeared on screen and I just sat there waiting until the show ended incase I missed a minute of her. Of course I'm lying, What kind of god damn name is Shanessa? Whatever, Shanessa is backwards in the brain and she thinks that ugly = hot. The best thing about Shanessa is she went into the household wearing an ultratight cutaway pink satin dress even though ho is about 9 thousand donuts past wearing dresses like that. Fat rolls abound, tasty sausage!

Amy

Amy is boring but HOT. Her body is slammin and she is smart and whatever, but she is also a glamour model which is the British way of saying cheap hooker/Flavor of Love dropout. I think I even saw her promising photographers handjobs out of the corner of my eye. But my mind is a wreck and plays tricks on me, it may have just been a mirage.

Jonty

Jonty is the biggest oddity i've ever seen and I want to woo him into bed with a fruit basket and a paddle. Okay I'm going to set myself on fire now. Jonty is a 36 year old virgin but wants you to know, and I quote, that he has had some "spanking action with both sexes". Jonty also likes teddy bears, and talks through them constantly. Christ.

10/10 to Big Brother for still finding these people. I would have thought the last 5 years would have really dried up the supply of utter social rejects but apparently theres more than i thought.

Share/Save

Related posts

• Big Brother: Jonty is hot. (0)
• Desperate “Pammy” (0)
• Vacuum Vagina on Big Brother. (0)

big brother