The Diary of Lindsay Lohan: Day One
Hey Myspace Diary.
Like, so rehab was totally retarded. I blacked out through most of it. (Thank you so much Nicole for sneaking me vodka inside fruit.) I live for that bitch even though she doesn’t know that I draw pictures of her as the sticks from the Blair Witch Project LMFAO. So anyway right, I didn’t even, like, do anything. I just sat in my room with my JEWEL ENCRUSTED sidekick so that NO ONE would FORGET about me. LOL AS IF THAT WOULD HAPPEN CONSIDERING I’M LINDSAY FUCKING LOHAN!!! AS IF!!!
I decided to write a poem for my late friend Anna Nicole. But i spilled some Vodka out of one of my apples and used the paper to soak it up and then i sucked on the paper until i salvaged it all so I can only make out the words “Anna”, “Perfection”, “Fat” and “Adequite”
All that said, rehab gave me the chance to practice my modelling in the mirror a lot. I’ve found that when I pout from the left hand side I look SEXY AS FUCK but from the right i only look RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL. I guess that’s just an example of my amazing range at both modelling and acting.
Being in rehab also gave me the chance do some thinking about some really deep stuff. Like, my hair totally isn’t red, you guys have noticed my hair isn’t red, right? Because it isn’t. But i have all of these freckles!!!! Maybe i was a redhead in a past life or something profunded like that. I also decided i’ve gotten really fat and I need to lose at LEAST 40 pounds. AT LEAST. Like 30 pounds would be okay but I liked being able to cut things with my hip bones before, it was practically like having a built in anti-rape defence system.
I am going to make someone make me diet vodka with like no carbs or anything like that in it. That would be so great. You know what wasn’t great? The day when Nicole didn’t bring me any vodka-fruit and I had to pee in a cup just to get some booze. Anyway sluts I have to go get ready to go out and be a whore now, I mean tabloids are printing all of this stuff about Britney Spears going crazy and whatever and no one is paying attention to my recovery - i think it’s time for me to flash some firecrotch! Maybe Paris and I can make out infront of the cameras or something…
If two people with herpes kiss does that make them into a worse kind of herpes? Like, hold on i’ll totally myspace Tara about this, she knows a lot about this stuff! Ciao bitches, and remember, if people try and make you go to rehab, only accept if your room has a bidet and make SURE that your not in the same ward as Shannon Doherty. That bitch seriously loves rehab and her teeth get caught in your hair! ANNOYING!
PEACE
Be Adequite
LL
Note: This blog is not written by Lindsay Lohan
Click Here to read ‘The Diary of Mimi’ @ The Old Deli.
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It makes me sad how mean you are. But I guess you’re just trying to be funny. You’re not.
LMFAO. Michael that was like totally funny. Like Seriously.