George Clooney wants you to know he has famous friends, and is very famous.
July 31st, 2007 
George Clooney may be better looking than me and is hitting some hot ass all over the world, but I am glad to say that I am much funnier than George Clooney, because unlike George Clooney I don't have an array of beautiful, smug Hollywood friends to make lazy and trite dinner party jokes about. I only have my nicely formed buttocks and a fat slut dog who keeps fucking humping her sister. Dumb lesbo!
Clooney was all jokes throughout the conference. He introduced himself to reporters saying, “I’m Brad Pitt. I just look much older in person.”
The ’sexiest man alive’ said the fun part of Ocean’s Thirteen” was “watching Matt Damon trying to woo a woman,” while the most enjoyable part of the movie was “the love scene between Brad and I from Brokeback Mountain … that was cut out, though.” When asked what it was like to play the leader of a star-studded cast, Clooney said, “In terms of being the leader of Brad and Matt, I have some very compromising photos of them that I use as leverage to make myself the leader. [But I can’t show the pictures.] There was a farm animal involved.”
These jokes are not funny, George. Think about it. If you had taken away the names Brad Pitt and Matt Damon and instead added Sarah from Accounting and John from Telesales, would these jokes have been funny? No you douchebag! No they would not! I know once we strip away your dumb celebrity friend jokes all you've got is knock knock gags, So spare us from this self-congratulatory bullshit. But if you want to hit this you can.
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