Here at The Deli we constantly laugh at those gossip magazines who fake their own stories for money. You wouldn't believe it, since starting my temp job (I'm hoping to actually kill seduce the owner of this site into something permanent paying me for my service) here at The Deli, I was hoping to write funny hard hitting stories and be true to myself and write the truth. I was shocked last night when I received an email from Zac Efron's publicist Moomi Carey. Zac wrote a personal statement for the world to see.

Hi my name is Zac Efron. You might know me from such classics as High School Musical, and most recently High School Musical 2. 

I hear there are people talking about me out there about what do I like, cock or vagg. Lemme tell you sumthin' bitches. Mind you own fucking business or I will have sex with my paid girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens. I love Vanessa so much. Like lotsa love and shit.

I know you people are boring and sad, that is why you think I suck cock? Am I right or am I right? I mean look at Perez Hilton. His site is boring and full of sad fools who laugh at him and not with him. LMFAO at people who take a photo of themselves and say I LUV PEREZ. I mean that shit is so gay like who the fuck does that?! Oh Perez, get off you fat ass and stop convincing yourself that Wentworth Miller is gay because of you.

But back to my point of this statement: Do you really think I use too much spray tan?

Anyways I hope you bitches hang loose and have heaps of sex.

This is Zac Efron, pleading with you to ignore those rumors because I said so. Cya bye!!! 

Only @ The Deli can you see the truth. We are bullshit free. Actually, that was bullshit that I wrote on a lonely Saturday night. Still I think Zac is trying to reach out to us. So Zac, stay away from the Vanessa slut, she's K-Fed with tits.

Oh and Zac, you use way too much.

Image Source: Just Jared

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Gay Hollywood, Zac Efron