Lindsay Lohan is trying to make the fakebake sunset tan moustache and goatee happen. But fake tan hair is never going to happen Lindsay, so you can go and give your inner thighs a good scrub now too hun.

Theres no shame in a little balding eagle, a little itchy coochie when it's growing back but you just work through the pain. I totally know this. I have a vagina, you see.

Lindsay should invite US Weekly to her snatch to document the bristles on her dangermouse. Ungodly! Shit I can hear her pressing her speed-dial already. I should charge Lindsay Lohan a dime for every idea I have for getting publicity. I am a goldmine of ideas for whoring your soul out for fame and fortune. 

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Lindsay Lohan