Reading gossip magazines is a fun exercise. It's hilarious that some of these trashy magazines either fabricate their own stories and even worse, fabricate their own sources. The Australian gossip mag, FAMOUS, is as trashy as you can get. The magazine is less than two years old and used Mischa Barton to promote the magazine when it was first released. Katie Holmes has been on the front page on pratically every issue and if you were to believe their current issue, Kate Hudson is planning to commit suicide because of Owen Wilson. But the other day I read this story off their online section.

While Lindsay Lohan thought it was gross to have to clean the toilets at her Utah-based rehab centre, it seems the recovering actress / singer / model has no problems with having sex in them.

Staff at the Cirque Lodge in Utah allegedly discovered her getting down and dirty in a stall and weren't pleased, after they were alerted to the bathroom with strange noises coming from inside and two voices could be heard.

After opening the door, Lindsay was caught in a compromising position with a guy who was tall, muscular, and with a full head of brown hair - just what Lindsay likes, apparently - who's also at Cirque for drug rehab.

Lindsay has also got into trouble for continuing to use drugs in rehab - she was called into the centre director's office on August 15 and queried about drug use on site.

When ordered to take a drug test, she complied but screamed and cursed at the medical director before storming out the room. She was told that if she couldn't conform to the program she'd have to leave.

If you can't have sex and do drugs in rehab, where's the fun? 

I especially love the last line, it's like they have the right to pass judgment on Lindsay and at the same time compromise their own journalism ethics. Readers, stay away from all trashy magazines and take them for what they are, a joke. I do recommend OK! magazine though.

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Celebrities, Lindsay Lohan, Stupid Lindsay Lohan

That's right. There is hope ladies. George Clooney was seen at the Venice and Deauville film festivals with a new brunette beauty on his arm. They were even seen getting down and dirty at the afterparty for his upcoming film, Michael Clayton, at the Hotel Cipriani in Venice. But who is this new fling of his?

She was identified as 28-year-old Sarah Larson. They met at the “Ocean’s Thirteen” premiere at the Palms on June 6, and have been practically inseparable since. But get this. Apparently she's a cocktail waitress at Las Vegas's Palms Casino Resort, and a former contestant on Fear Factor. That's like being a sick kid waiting to make my wish. All of us petty normal people have a chance at sleeping with celebrities.

There is a slight obstacle keeping us from him though. Yes, it's that Sarah bitch. I know that was underhanded. Especially seeing as all of Georgie's (that was eerie. I'll stop calling him that) friends generally like her and claim she's really nice. Uh, hello. He's introducing her to his friends.

Does this mean he's finally ready to hang up the bachelor status and settle down? I genuinely hope not. That would take the world's sexiest bachelor off the market and then who would we be stuck with? Well I suppose I can always have an affair with Brad Pitt and swipe him from Angelina Jolie like she did to Jennifer Aniston.

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Rumour has it that the D word is rotation between Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. Divorce. They've been out of circulation as a couple for months now and we've been noticing.

Now this may seem like a coincidence but how do you explain the recent four hour hair appointment and only a couple minutes with any mention of the other Martin. Now this may be so much time dedicated to talk of the kids, but the fact that she quickly changed the topic from him to them?

Staff on the site also took note that she seemed quote unqoute vague and unenthusiastic when his name was mentioned. Sure doesn't sound like a happy couple to me. If they decide to stay together and try to make it work it's only because of Apple and Moses.

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Celebrities, Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow

Mr Jude Law was reported to have attacked a photographer, who wasn't even taking any pictures might I add, before attending the GQ Man of the Year awards. Shockingly he was only presenting an award. I mean he's so perfect looking. For example, look how mean he looks here. Almost like he's acting or just got arrested, which brings me back to the real story.

Jude found his way to Marylebone police station at some point after probably getting trashed on tea and soggy finger sandwiches where he turned himself in. Is it really a huge crime to attack the paparazzi that the guilt gets a pansy like Jude Law to turn himself in? Apparently but I was certain it was otherwise. Well wether it's guilt worthy or not, it is still a crime and Jude may have to face the music with some real life jail time.

He was released on bail but will need to return to court in October for a celebrity style trial. The tickets go on sale in 2 weeks but I'll be selling counterfeits for twice the price a week early for anyone who's interested. As for the outcome, I'd say he shouldn't be scared, but he's no Paris Hilton. Time to wish he hadn't called that guy a pedophile who was only interested in your children before bonking him over the head.

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Celebrities, Jude Law, Scandal, Stupid Jude Law

Cashmere is softness. Cashmere is luxurious. Cashmere is irresistible. Cashmere is now in a bathroom tissue. And that bathroom tissue is seen modelled at the Atonement Premiere in London on Keira Knightley. But Keira, we have just one question. Who are you wearing?

Oh it's an original piece by some new unknown but soon to be famous designer. I can't think of her name just now, but I'm sure she'll be important one day and be glad that I remembered her.

Thank you Keira. That was very informative. Anyway I did the research. Before the premiere, miss Knightley made her way from her neighbour's best friend's cousin's wedding shower where a 7 year old drew the short straw and was left in charge of making this toilet paper wedding dress. Heck, I'm practically related to this girl through the 6 degrees of separation.

Now I have to compliment Keira on her practical if not interesting fashion sense. Had she gone out in a figure hugging garment she'd turn invisible when she turned sideways. In this stick out like a sore thumb piece, she certainly stands out in the crowd and that is a celebrity's first job. We could learn a thing or two from this one.

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Celebrities, Fashion Disasters, Keira Knightley Kiera Knightley

Yes the elusive Chayae speaks, but under the alias(check out my Jennifer Garner plug) of Chayae Vita. And what does this Chayae Vita speak of? Well herself in the third person and Halle Berry with her new desire to set her movie plans upon a shelf perhaps for a later date, but perhaps *gasp* permanently.

Words out that the producers of her upcoming film, Tulia, had to scrap plans to start filming in October because Halle flat out refused to do it. When asked about it in a recent interview, this is how she replied,

Not that there's not more to accomplish, but I think I arrived at a point in life that I realized I needed more to get me up in the morning. More than going to a new movie set. Or as much fun as getting the star was yesterday, I need something even more profound than that…

Personally I'd cast someone else in her place who might even try to keep people from dying of boredom in the 120 minutes of what might actually be a good movie. I'm thinking I might make a good canditate, but you all seem to be disagreeing so I'm going to jump off of that tangeant.

Now for anyone who comes here to actually pick up news about celebrity's lives, keep reading but only because we don't want to send our readers elsewhere. You have to know I'm going completely overboard in spinning lies from a line in a tabloid.

Halle's preggers with uber hottie Gabriel Aubrey's baby(at least that's what she's telling people). I do have to wish her congratulations and loads of luck though. Don't worry Halle. Even if you get fat and moody, you're still hot and I'm jealous of you.

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Announcements, Celebrities, Halle Berry, Movies Halle Berry

Now when your mom goes out flashing her hoo-ha to the western world media, it probably means she's not going to be Country Club Mom material, but that said, allegations concerning Britney Spears' parenting skills moved from silly to serious a few weeks ago - when Kevin Federline and his lawyer started using it as ammunition to win a case against Spears for custody of their children - and the financial windfall attached. But a court has heard that child safety investigations have ended with no further action being taken. Meaning Spears isn't a bad mother, surprise surprise.

There will be no child-endangerment charges at this time for Britney Spears OK! Magazine is reporting.  Accusations had been hurled at the fallen pop tart over the way she was treating her kids all the way down to the little tykes' dental hygiene.  But the court apparently will have none of it.

The weekly entertainment magazine notes that in open-court discussion with L.A. County Superior Court Commissioner Scott M. Gordon, Britney's attorney Laura Wasser said, "I spoke several times last week" with the county child-welfare counselor assigned to Britney's case.

"It does not appear the county will pursue further action at this time," says Wasser, who appeared with fellow attorney Dennis Wasser, her father.  Kevin's rep, attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan, abruptly cut off Wasser before she could speak another word in open court, asking the commissioner for a closed-court hearing.

The commissioner promptly agreed and ordered spectators to leave. The hearing began at 9:02am and ended at 9:05 am.

 And would you look at that. Could it be that Kevin Federlines legal team is constructing a smear campaign against Britney Spears for their children? I'm not going to say that Spears is exactly stable or mature enough to have kids right now -but she has them, and I seriously doubt shes neglecting them.

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Britney Spears, Celebrities Britney Spears

Here at The Deli we constantly laugh at those gossip magazines who fake their own stories for money. You wouldn't believe it, since starting my temp job (I'm hoping to actually kill seduce the owner of this site into something permanent paying me for my service) here at The Deli, I was hoping to write funny hard hitting stories and be true to myself and write the truth. I was shocked last night when I received an email from Zac Efron's publicist Moomi Carey. Zac wrote a personal statement for the world to see.

Hi my name is Zac Efron. You might know me from such classics as High School Musical, and most recently High School Musical 2. 

I hear there are people talking about me out there about what do I like, cock or vagg. Lemme tell you sumthin' bitches. Mind you own fucking business or I will have sex with my paid girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens. I love Vanessa so much. Like lotsa love and shit.

I know you people are boring and sad, that is why you think I suck cock? Am I right or am I right? I mean look at Perez Hilton. His site is boring and full of sad fools who laugh at him and not with him. LMFAO at people who take a photo of themselves and say I LUV PEREZ. I mean that shit is so gay like who the fuck does that?! Oh Perez, get off you fat ass and stop convincing yourself that Wentworth Miller is gay because of you.

But back to my point of this statement: Do you really think I use too much spray tan?

Anyways I hope you bitches hang loose and have heaps of sex.

This is Zac Efron, pleading with you to ignore those rumors because I said so. Cya bye!!! 

Only @ The Deli can you see the truth. We are bullshit free. Actually, that was bullshit that I wrote on a lonely Saturday night. Still I think Zac is trying to reach out to us. So Zac, stay away from the Vanessa slut, she's K-Fed with tits.

Oh and Zac, you use way too much.

Image Source: Just Jared

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Celebrities, Gay Hollywood, The Diary Of... Gay Hollywood, Zac Efron

Guys, if I ever become this, you have my permission to tranq me and feed my living body to animals.

Make sure Hilary Duff gets a nibble though. I want her to be with me forever. 

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Stupid, Youtube gay, Hilary Duff

I couldn't stay away! Just kidding, Llama is dropping in to check on guest writers and also give you the greatest vacation gift you'll ever get.

The new Celine Dion album artwork.

Ageless. Like a classic novel which never loses its beauty. No, wait, like an angry robot from the future who can never cease to be. 

TAKE A KAYAK INTO THOSE RECORD SHOPS AND STOCK THEIR POOR SHELVES WITH YOUR CD CELINE 

BTW: Britney's new song may be pretty good. But she is still a wreck. Don't let this lull you. I hope for her things turn out though. 

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Celebrities, Celine Dion Celine Dion