Fall Out Boy have spoken out about their SHOCKING HORRIFYING EXPERIENCE in Africa where they were held at ransom for money. Unfortunately, Pete Wentz survived, and typically enough is now talking about his traumatic African experience.

Bandmember Pete Wentz says, "There was one moment when I really feared for our lives. We were riding motorcycles and these local guys used barricades to lock us in this little patch of ground. They saw that we were American and thought that we should give them money for being on their ground. When they locked us in, I actually thought, 'We're going to die, right now.' Luckily we had our guide Kenny to bail us out and pay them off but that was really, really terrifying, living through something like that. It was a real Hotel Rwanda moment. The whole experience brought our band closer together and that's a great thing."

A real Hotel Rwanada moment. Oh yes, I can definitely see how Fall Out Boy being asked to give a small fraction of their underserved fortune to angry, poor African people is the same as a Don Cheadle movie about a mass genocide!  Pete tinkled in his pants then went down on them all, they couldn't wait to get them a piece of the pretty American chick in the back! This is truth and is only printed on the internet. Pete just introduced a new STD to Africa.

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Celebrities, Non Entities, Shut Up, Stupid Gay Hollywood, Pete Wentz

Kim Kardashian says her gigantic ass is very real and natural and anyone who says different is a liar and therefore African-American! Just kidding everyone knows it's the JEWS who lie, Kim is confused.

"I'm Armenian; you should see all the women in my family. The women have bigger breasts and bigger butts. That's how I was born. I can't help it. I'm not gonna fight it. I definitely need to work out more and tone up, but I'm proud of my body. I'm not against [plastic surgery]."

Not against plastic surgery? That's because your face is a straight up piece of candle wax! I am definitely Armenian then because I've never really been able to explain my bootyliciousness and huge man-tits despite being white. Armenian blood is to blame! Don't be racist and judge me for my heritage.  My nuts are kind of huge too. Armenian ballsack for sure!

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Celebrities, Hot, Non Entities junk in the trunk, Kim Kardashian

I'd like to ask Teri Hatcher to cover the happy meal i just threw up. It was rather good considering the shit I usually eat from that hellhole, I am far from impressed. Teri Hatcher is now advertising Badgley Mishcka and I think she just remortgaged her house to pay for the airbrushing. Bitch needs to remortgage her face too with a power sander and a boat load of rubber glue!

Oh hallo thurr, I am Teri Hatcher and I appear to have dropped my youthful good looks into this fabulous and crystal swimming pool. Can u halp me find it? 

She is definitely not Posh Beckham and should not try to make this happen because she will fail miserably and probably can't say MAHJAH.

Who the fuck lies on a couch like this!? Oh wait Teri Hatcher is mentally impaired. I shouldn't make fun of disabled people.

Here she is getting CRUNK with her gang bang buddies. Old grey on the right there has the biggest penis and I can guarantee that as fact! 

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Celebrities, Fugly, Plastic Surgery, Shut Up, Teri Hatcher Desperate Housewives, Teri Hatcher

I am too lazy to write full posts.

Instead, think of hateful thoughts and direct them towards Justin Timberlake.

Heres one.

Justin Timberlake meets a hammer. Justin Timberlake does not survive. 

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Celebrities, Justin Timberlake Douchebag, Justin Timberlake

What could fill the gap left by Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton on E! now their show has been cancelled? Well, two pieces of shit and 3 viewers would probably do it, but E! has decided to employ Kim Kardashian and her fat ass instead. Tracking indicates that Kim Kardashian's ass is at least 88% more popular than Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton combined, tracking also indicates that I really hate Justin Timberlake.

Ryan Cumcrust produces this high quality piece of entertainment, and the world is left wondering if E! can possibly throw any more money at a gay poodle. I say yes. I am told gay poodles are very popular these days.

The series will also feature Kardashian's mother Kris, stepfather Bruce Jenner, a former Olympian, her sisters Kourtney and Khloe and half-sisters Kylie and Kendall.

Kim, Khloe, Kris, Kylie and Kendall? Krispy Kreme is on the way no doubt!  By the way If someone doesn't make a reality show about a gay poodle now, then they've just missed a goldmine of opportunity. E! will say yes and The CW will show interest by default if it has a weave.

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Stupid, TV junk in the trunk, Kim Kardashian

I have a serious Vanessa Carlton addiction and I need some major testosterone to quit this thing. It's been three years since I started loving this chick and I've never looked back. Harmonium? HOT. Here she is filming some more of the hot vid for her new single, Nolita Fairytale which basically talks about her old record label and how they are angry ass vaginas who should eat shit and die and ALSO how she is basically fabulous.

I am totally jizzuming in my pants to some of those, but what the hell is she wearing in pic #3? No thank you, Vanessa! I hope its one of those things that films better than it looks, like Britney Spears. I wish people would stop trying to make the Madonna pants happen. They are NOT GOING TO HAPPEN PEOPLE. NOT EVEN ON MADONNA

God I love her and I love crying myself to sleep to her stupid soppy songs about that TEENAGE ANGST y'all know I just haven't had. I'm jealous this hot shit lost hers to someone she writes a song about. I lost mine to a hobo who promised me a twinkie but LIED. Here she is in GIANT magazine this month for her comeback. I'd give that broken twinkie promise for her legs.

  . 

Buy Nolita Fairytale and help homegirl have a big ass comeback. The Deli Llama insists upon it!

Pics all thanks to Vanessa Carlton Fan 

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Celebrities, Hot, Vanessa Carlton Vanessa Carlton

A baby monitor picks up phone sex from a neighbour and the person on the other end is basically Borat. I fucking wish I lived here! I'd be jerking a little and laughing a lot.

He loves her sexee legs! 

 More of this voyeuristic pleasure here

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Hey guys. I am now hiding in my closet. R.Kelly is here. He says hi.

His name is Chris Crocker. I am not kidding or lying when I say he is the single scariest thing I've seen on the internet, and I've seen that video with all those ghosts in it where you are pretty sure it's real and check your closet just incase and then for the next three days remain on ORB-WATCH around your house.

More pages of scary tranny ahead! What? I'm giving this slut coverage. 

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I like it when she says "I grew up, we never even had soda." Yeah because in the 1840s there was no soda!. And for some reason whenever she says Susan Moss i get titilated. Is Susan Moss a tranny? I think so. Give her a tiara.

Nancy Grace should definitely join The View. Her and Hasslecrack will hit it off in a big way.

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Celebrities annoying people

You know what I hate more than celebrities doing stupid fucking shit and insulting the publics intelligence with their douche bag behaviour which seeps into our lives like a plague?

The twatpricks who sell them out.

Seriously what kind of fucking douchebag would shit on an already clearly unfortunate Britney Spears just to make a little money? Well his name is Matt Encinais and he is the one that the media would like you to believe was savagely seduced by Spears in a pool. This video and these photos say otherwise. Bitch clearly isn't interested in him! 

Although i am officially sick shitless of Britney 

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Britney Spears, Celebrities Britney Spears, Celebrities, Douchebag, Kevin Federline