Beyonce recently took the hardest goddamn fall i've ever seen on stage. Bitch was losing her shit to Ring the Alarm when she lost it and fell about 15 steps head first! Sources say her weave was trying to break free again and it bit her on the coochy causing her to spin and fall. The best thing is ho just got straight back up and started dancing like a crazy hippy again. She's pretty hot for this as you know if this was Christina Aguilera bitch would start crying on stage and call off the show. Hell i would cry on stage and probably piss myself. The only two sluts who would get back up would be Beyonce and Fergie, and even Fergie would pee a little but that's just normal for her.

Pat yo weave B! 

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Ms. Kelly is the hot new album from Kelly Rowland, and it's possibly better than Rihanna's great "Good Girl Gone Bad" record, which, whilst filled with hits - feels a little empty. Kelly Rowland is better at soul and her record has a much more urban feeling than either Beyonce or Rihanna's latest. This fine specimen of womanhood doesn't go over the top and oversing her songs like it seems all rnb sluts do these days and The Deli enjoys her. Ms Kelly is recommended listening

Also Pick Up:
Feist, Hot slut with sexy indie pop.
Colbie Caillat, Famous from Myspace and has released what is essentially Jack Johnson record, except less boring.
Marion Raven, Kelly Clarkson and Avril Lavigne except edgier and less annoying. Still a lil bit gay.
Ulrich Schnauss, crazy european mofo with hot relaxing shit
Vanessa Carlton, our #1 homegirl has a new single out, Nolita Fairytale and she will be back with a new album called Heroes & Thieves in October. This girl's last album is seriously a prized possession in the deli's album collection, Harmonium was HOT even though her first album was basically ass.

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Maybe it's optimistic Spears spin, but according to jossip.com, that career-endingly awful photoshoot Britney Spears allegedly did with OK Magazine wasn't half as bad as the magazine is making it out to be, infact, if Jossip's article has any truth - looks like Spears' tabloid power is being manipulated to save the ass of its ailing editor. Apparently, there are no exclusive pics and the interview is weak.

OK! has no Britney exclsuive [sic] photos and the interview’s bad…no real revelations. Sarah Ivens is trying to make herself look good in front of her bosses as her ass is on the line because sales are poor. Richard Desmond’s pumping millions into it but news stand sales struggle to get above 400,000. No one wants to advertise in the magazine. He’s losing patience with Ivens. She’s planning her exit strategy by putting out stories about herself.

Whatever. Don't take the thought of Britney staining dresses with dog shit away from me. Such a beautiful image. 

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You know there are some things you can expect from rehab. Like, say, a quiet garden space, perhaps with a fountain. A comfy lounge somewhere to unwind and take your mind off your meth withdrawal, and you know - a nice, clean bedroom with some homely furniture maybe - just so you don't feel like you're in a hosptial ward. 

One thing you might not expect at a rehab center is a bar. Especially when your rehab center seems to exclusively attract alcoholic trainwrecks. Promises have decided to re-evaluate their policy on having a bar after high profile stars Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears continued to decline even after stints in the clinic.

“I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about our facility,” said Brookes. “It’s not like it’s an open bar or anything. The patients have to pay for their own drinks. I want to make sure everyone is clear on that point.”

As administrators reevaluate the treatment process, the bar has been temporarily shut down, leaving three fulltime bartenders unemployed.

“I’m just kind of stunned by all of this,” said Promises bartender Bob Srekam. “I’ve served a lot of amazing celebrities over the years. Lindsay was great. I made her a drink all the time called the ‘Britney Spears.’ It’s mixture of Ketel One vodka, ethanol, and Grey Goose vodka.”

Oh well i was worried for a moment there that a rehab centre might have just been handing out free drinks to its alcoholic residents. But now i know they actually have to PAY for their drinks? Whole different matter! No wonder Lindsay made such a speedy recovery. Time in rehab recovering from alcoholism really flies when your tanked through the whole experience! Hey, i wonder if they have a drugs den too! From the sounds of things the rehabilition sessions are actually held by a woman called Gertrude who slips a little whisky into the punch before class starts and then discusses what happened this week on Tyra followed by the screening of Romy & Michelles High School Reunion. God Promises is truly the best place to shrivel up and die for all fallen celebrities!

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Not only does Jennifer Garner strive to be environmentally friendly, she strives to be eye friendly, a talent that directly relates to being penis friendly. MORE JENNIFER GARNER MOVIES ASAP THANKS HOLLYWOOD. Heres a clip of Jennifer in her new $1m deal to be Neutrogena's spokesho, and heres the Phin campaign vid.

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Britney Spears and her drooling beaver are going to be exposed in all their embarrasing glory next week when OK Magazine publishes the disastrous interview and photoshoot with Spears in which she basically pissed infront of everyone, kept touching her tits and vagina like a 5 year old, picked up dog shit with a Chanel dress and generally acted like the loony she is. It's beyond sad now because Brit Brit has been offered help time and again and her dumbass just refuses to listen to reason!

I guess this is what you get if you control a person for so long, they rebel and start picking up dog shit with their dress. I do feel kind of bad for her though because ho has had more pressure in the public eye than anyone else in Hollywood without a doubt. But bitch loves the attention.

In an exclusive statement to TMZ, OK! Editor-in-Chief Sarah Ivens said, "OK! Magazine spent a heartbreaking day with Britney Spears and witnessed first-hand an emotional cry for help that will leave you shocked and sad. This week, on newsstands Friday, the truth will be told."

As TMZ first reported, Britney had a complete and total meltdown during the interview and photo shoot. OK! was faced with a huge decision; to run the horrifying photos as is and risk ruining their relationship with Brit (and potentially her career), or run a sanitized — and untrue– article.

You have to feel a little sorry for the producers who handed their hottest tracks to Britney Spears, but then you realize that these same people are dumb sacks of shit for putting their best songs in the hands of someone who has become increasingly mentally retarded in recent weeks.

I actually have started a Britney Spears fanclub. There are only four members right now though and two of them just sit there rocking back and forward and the other two keep stabbing each other in the face. It's really fun times if you want to join just holla and i'll send you the welcome pack which is basically a sack of coke, a dog shit and some shears to trim off that nasty head of hair you've got. Mismatching clothes and cheetos can be purchased at a later time.

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Lindsay Lohan has been arrested for drink driving and possession of cocaine. Despite the fact girlfriend has been to rehab and has been wearing a booze detector bracelet.

There is no hope for her! But i'll let you into a secret, i've been injecting her with booze in her sleep haha! I will ruin her for stealing my film glory in Just My Luck! I was originally cast as her character but the producers didn't think it would work out around the time she gave them a handjob.  Her lawyer slut spokesperson said the following.

"Addiction is a terrible and vicious disease. Since Lindsay transitioned to outpatient care, she has been monitored on a SCRAM bracelet and tested daily in order to support her sobriety. Throughout this period, I have received timely and accurate reports from the testing companies. Unfortunately, late yesterday I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving medical care."

Yeah you know i'd feel a lot worse for Lindsay Lohan if i knew she wouldn't stab me for suggesting she's not the greatest person in history. Bitch is nasty and concieted but you can't blame her with White Oprah as her mother. Actually, yes you can, my mother is a crackwhore who eats roaches and my dad is in a state prison and i turned out just fine! Aside from the nervous twitching and chronic masturbating that is. I am going to repeatedly fling books of educational value at Lindsay Lohans vagina until she wises the fuck up!

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Moomi Says: This was a really fabulous performance of mine. I mean look at how good I looked. Seriously. I looked so good. Just as well I had all those mirrors there because every time i saw a mirror i went CLICK and took a mental picture. It was raining and shit but that wasn't so bad because i looked awesome wet. I Didn't even have to really sing and Disney paid me a boatload. Best gig ever. I think i saw Toni Braxton in the crowd though. She is so obsessed with me! I don't blame her for wanting to be in awe of me. She could learn a thing or 90 from me. BTW it was in EUROPE that some guy called me a sausage. Mimi knows how to take care of these things and has sent out her special friends to pay that guy a visit. Lets just say hes MINCEMEAT now. HAHAHA god i am the funniest person ever. 

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Hillary Duff pulled a diva turn in Richmond last week, and made two nine year olds cry.

Hillary was approached two 9-year-old girls arrived carrying posters and T-shirts and hoping for autographs while dining at Pier 36 Seafood and Oyster bar. “On their way out, the owner asked if Hilary would sign a menu for her daughter and she did,” says a spywitness. But when the youngsters approached, the source says, “[Hilary] said, ‘I don’t really get to spend a lot of time with my family; sorry’ and walked out the door.
“She made one of the little girls cry.”

I can't blame Hilary for not wanting to give autographs, I mean having to dip your hooves in ink is such an inconvenience when it comes to wearing expensive clothes. She's going to get hoof prints all over her suede saddle!

I just wanted to remind her that she is, by her very nature, a horse - and even though she has tricked us into letting her away with it by sawing down her teeth, we can pull that rug from right out under her any time she prances with that head too high!

Like, I could get it if a creepy thirty five year old approached her for her autograph when out for a meal, but you give kids the time of day ho, especially when they are the only people buying your shit! You better get back to the stable. horsery…i'm officially pulling sugarcubes from your diet and that is not an idle threat! 

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John Travolta demanded that the Hairspray movie filmed during the night as he is more of a "night owl".

John Travolta forced his co-stars to keep nocturnal hours while making movie musical Hairspray - because he likes to work through the night. The Grease star has always been a night owl ever since he was a kid and he insisted his Hairspray co-stars kept up with his odd hours.

Actress Amanda Bynes says, "We didn't have to go to work until 11 every day… We had to change our schedule. I liked it; being 21, I loved being up at that time… but I definitely still have a weird sleeping schedule because of it."

John Travolta is no Will Smith, he can't pull this shit on people! What is he thinking? Maybe his male hookers of choice only do dayshifts and moonlight as detectives or something. Or maybe his wife demands sex at night or something crazy like that. LOL at John Travolta having sex with his wife though. That is a new realm or ridiculousness, and in it, Monique is the Queen Dyke. You know this slut wore his drag costume 24/7 though and asked to take it home after filming finished.

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