Star Chart: November 27th

An all new star chart for an all new week. Which slut is number one and who’s crashing out?!

1. Britney Spears (2)
Two weeks on from a divorce announcement and Britney is still working the press like no other, except she probably isn’t getting the positive PR she’d hope to be getting despite splitting from Americas most hated non-entity. Only Britney Spears could turn the perfect opportunity for a huge comeback into a mini-disaster, trading in K-fed for Lindsay Lohan , Paris Hilton and a hundred vagina flashes in just a week. One can only hope Britney ain’t bumping lines along with those hoes.

2. Michael Richards
It’s amazing what being a racist can do for someones media profile, as Michael Richards learned this week after calling out to black men in a not-very-nice way at a comedy club in L.A, the men also pointed out that Richards was an unfunny hasbeen, But i mean really, who DOESN’T love jokes where white men greet black men by calling them “motherfucking niggers” and claiming they should be “strung up” ? At least he will now have an active audience in the South.
3. Paris Hilton
Riding on the coat-tails of Britney Spears, Paris has revelled in the increased media attention on her and her nasty vagina after she somehow convinced the top tabloid fodder in the world to be near her. I suspect she is holding Jayden James hostage in her vagina. Poor child will almost certainly be blind by this stage.

4. Beyonce
Beyonce’s trash ass makes its debut in the star chart after the hype over both her new album and Dreamgirls: Three Sassy Black Women in a tribute to the Supremes, reached fever pitch. Knowles’ Irreplacable is riding high across the world whilst there are rumours surrounding a rivalry between Hudson and Knowles on the set of the movie, rumours which involve Knowles eating some of Hudsons ding-dongs only to find dead horses in her trailer later that night.
5. Lindsay Lohan
Almost completely off the radar this week, Lindsay’s only notables outside of her usual performance of being a slut were the claims that Paris Hilton flung a glass at her, which was readily followed by hanging out with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears the night after. Now I’m not saying that Britney Spears is any kinds of classy, but hanging out with Lindsay Lohan is akin to Cher hanging out with a homeless drag queen who drunkenly slurs his way through ‘Leave! (Get Out)’ and thinks hes singing ‘Believe’