England doesn’t want Gwyneth Paltrow either.
All Gwyneth Paltrow ever seems to do is bitch about how awful America is and how awesome Britain is. Here is her latest tirade against the US.
Hollywood actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s recent comments branding Americans not as civilised or intelligent as their English counterparts has sparked fury in her homeland.The Los Angeles-born actress made her remarks to a Portuguese newspaper last weekend and almost immediately radio stations across America were besieged with angry callers regarding the Shakespeare In Love star’s comments.
She says: “I don’t fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilised than the Americans. I love the English lifestyle. I’m not as capitalistic as America.”
One caller blasted back, saying: “If she feels that way we are far better off without her.”
Well, I have it under good authority that Britain hates Gwyneth Paltrow and her dull tits too. So let’s look at alternative places for Gwynny to base her bitching and preaching from.
1. Prypiat, Chernobyl.
Prypiat is a quaint, very quiet village in the heart of beautiful Ukraine. Filled with development opportunites that will not truly be capitilised on for decades to come, it is the ideal place for you to bring your family to revert to a simplistic way of living. There is incredible amounts of space and privacy, so value for money is unrivalled and crime is at an all time low.
2. Mordor, Middle Earth
Not only is Mordor rich in geographical history with a magnificent volcanic backdrop, but it features a gated community with a 24 hour neighbourhood watch in place thanks to it’s ‘all-seeing eye’ technology, keeping you safer than ever before. You, Chris and the kids will definitely feel right at home here with its colourful and eclectic array of residents and a sense of collective community.
3. The Caves of Osama, Afghanistan
These beautiful caves deep in the heart of Afghanistan are the perfect abode for the family looking to get back to basics. Wonderfully crafted, man made cave structures have been dug out of the magnificent backdrop of the Afghan wilderness, and there is much opportunity for development in this isolated land of wonder where your family can eat leaves and shit out berries.
4. Hell, Los Angeles.
Down in the firey pits of Hell its summer all year long! For a wonderful location with like-minded people who will understand what you and Chris Martin are trying to do to the world, then Hell is really the place to be! Remember all those people telling you to Go to hell Gwenny? Well, they meant it! You + Hell = A match made in heaven!
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To all LA Deli guests, have a great Holiday season. Thank you for all of your support. 
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