The Star Chart is a hot new feature where we chart Hollywood’s top five talked about based on how much exposure they are getting in trashy columns like this, in the press and in the general public. Check back every Monday to see if your favourite celeb has been gossiped about enough to get a mention.
Oh Britney, How many times can I let you back in after banishing you from my bruised heart? How much longer can I keep hoping for better and then only get worse? Why, Britney, WHY?
As many of us who are up to our current affairs on important things will know, Britney Spears has had a kind of re-invention, a step towards the hot Britney we all knew and loved, the one who gyrated all over a giant can of Pepsi and gave Bob Dole an erection like the classy girl she is. However, as this above image shows, trailer trash Britney is not going easily, Britney is having a tough time making the transition from redneck to raunchy. You can’t blame her, those cheetos stay in your system for a while!
But to aide her in her transition, I’ve taken a recent image of Britney and I’ve given some kind pointers.
This image has been brought to you by the loose skin that keeps Star Jones Reynold’s vagina warm during cold winters with little action.
Lindsay Lohan’s doll isn’t very accurate. Yes, It perfectly shows her firecrotch hair and smugly sarcastic looking face. However, there are a few things that it does not show about Lindsay Lohan, and several items are missing from her inventory which appears to be more fashionable than anything the whorelet herself would wear.
Where is the cocaine? Where are the detachable panties that can’t contain her roaming vaginal flaps? How about the self harm marks and the Southern Comfort bottle? Did i say Southern Comfort? I forgot it was Lindsay Lohan we’re talking about here, I meant alcoholic urine. Does THIS doll smell like semen?
I can almost guarantee that there are going to be some angry parents when they find the crabs on her crotch. You know parents are such prudes these days, at the Britney Spears concerts parents even walked out after she started masturbating on stage. What is THAT all about? Your daughter is going to masturbate lady, she might as well learn from the best and get a head start!
[click Image to enlarge]
This is the most beautiful image in existence, FACT. Hottie is obviously a fashion icon in the making and has a clear & concise vision of her own timeless beauty. That said, PETA are likely to be waiting in the wings with buckets of pig blood for whatever it is Hottie has murdered and put on her head.
I’m guessing it’s some sort of Swedish rodent, but I’m sure we’ll see this weave arriving in Payless’ Accessories section in the near future. Buy a shoe horn, Get a weave free!
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have unified in a celebration of space today, a terrifying process in which they physically fused bodies to become one entity known as TomKat. Mid-Sized with thick dark hair and blank eyes, TomKat also has a snaggletooth and is probably bisexual, TomKat also has the torso of a Greek God and the breasts of a Greek Goddess.
Whilst this might sound like a rather pleasing prospect to the more liberally minded amongst us, I can assure you that TomKat is highly dangerous and quite possibly lethal. TomKat is usually scene in the following places. So avoid them at all costs
Really, kids, this is a dark day for mankind.
Goodbye can be the hardest thing to say, but I practically kicked the old deli to the curb and told it’s ass that I was keeping the jewel encrusted blackberry! So you can still visit all your favourites from the Deli’s glamorous past, but don’t expect me to be updating that fugular skank.
Now updates on the site will actually take exactly how long you think they’d take to write. So that means about 18 seconds then.
I know everything isn’t perfect right now, theres a lot of work going to be ongoing with the look of the main site for a while, but this is your new home visitors, feel free to leave semen on all upholstered items!
To all LA Deli guests, have a great Holiday season. Thank you for all of your support. 
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