July 3rd, 2008
Jeremy Edwards is a British actor who has appeared in such fine quality programming as Celebrity Big Brother. Suffice to say then that he is also washed up and has a history of drug use. With said drug use he also got kind of chubby, and anyone knows that an actor only good for his looks has issues when he starts to get fat.
So he decided to get the fat sucked out follow Mens Health's six-weeks to great abs challenge and now looks like this.
I'd definitely go to a Jeremy Edwards drug party and tell him that everythings okay and hes a fantastic actor and shit like that. You know I just want a little downtime with his 9th pec muscle.
This bitch clearly spent 89 hours a week in the Gym. I'm jealous and a little turned on.
more images of jeremey courtesy of famousmales
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July 2nd, 2008
Approved Cut: Julia Louis Dreyfus
Approved Cut Number: #1
Why: Because I can't get enough of that trash The New Adventures of Old Christine. Don't judge because you know you like to watch when you are trashed and horny. And i'm not going to lie, I'd like a little 15 minute session and some lube for only her boobs. I think she is the only bitch to emerge from Seinfield who I don't hate.
Further Reading: Her wikipedia
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July 2nd, 2008
Some English crumpet eaters are wetting the bed tonight! Why? Because women's matches at Wimbledon are being pushed into smaller, less broadcast arenas, whilst the men's matches get the spotlight, and the bitches are pissed!
But some mad sluts is not enough to make me afraid, but when you add Serena Willybums into the mix then i'm running for cover and praying to whatever god the Predators worship!
"Initially I thought, OK, is this the right schedule? I thought maybe there was a mistake," the eight-time Grand Slam winner said.
They better hope Venus' ass doesn't join the hunt or there will be a tea masacre at QUWATAH PAST FIVE!
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July 2nd, 2008
I know i promised to write updates for every damn episode of A SHOT AT LOVE but let's be honest, how long was I going to seriously last that trash?
Anyway shocking news just in: Tila chose lesbo Kirsty to share her plastic heart and then Kirsty decides shes "not ready" to take the key to tila's snatch, which is just as well, because it's probably the end of the universe down in Tila's underbelly. Tila's very genuine and heartbreaking upset is the most touching moment of reality television since Pumkin spat at New York. She then walks a walk of shame through her vomit house and cries to emo music. I'm not even kidding.
She is all like "I don't know why I keep getting my heart broken?". Uh I can tell you, dumbass bitch!
If on the first night of elimination you base who's getting kicked out by who's a better slut ass stripper, then you are probably not going to be whittling things down to the good eggs! Bitch should have kept Jann in.
Jann was batshit crazy but girlfriend would have been spicy in the sack.
Shockingly, this paves the way for A Shot at Love 3, and this time, Tila throws ANIMALS into the mix. I wish, seeing her doing it with a horse would almost make it watchable.
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July 1st, 2008
As mentioned in the past week, St. Heidi Montag of Beverly is the new Madonna and the new Jesus. And now she's combined them in her new song, One More Drink.
We love the production team behind the song, those people are so talented. And what about the lyrics, talk about date rape and bastard children.
This has to be the 13th leaked song from Heidi's wonderful tonsils! But I think the world is crying out for God to put an end to this.
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July 1st, 2008
News of Britney Spears has been quiet over the last few months, which is a good thing. She's doing her best to rebuild her life and get her kids back. But she forgot to do one thing! Buy panties.
Come on Britney! I'm sure one of your body guards can run down to Goodwill to pick up a pair for you. Seriously, Britney! DO.NOT.WANT. another crotch shot.
Go to egotastic.com for the rest of the album. And if you're daring, click on the individual photos for the uncensored versions. Warning: NSFW!
[Image source: egotastic!]
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July 1st, 2008
Heidi Montag is set to record her own Christian album. She's not just the new Madonna , but she's also the new Jesus! Christian prayers have been answered all over the world. I can't wait 'til they start jamming this shit during communion.
She revealed the comparisons she has with Jesus to USA Today.
"…There were rumors about a sex tape, but I had nothing to do with that. God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I'm going to get persecuted, ya know? But it doesn't matter to me."
… Montag identifies herself as "kind of non-denominational Baptist" and hopes to release a Christian album one day. Both she and Pratt read the Bible conscientiously. Montag even planned on devoting her life to God as a missionary in Africa.
"I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God," says Montag, who grew up in Colorado with Holly, brother Sky, 15, and her since-divorced parents, Bill, a rancher, and Darlene, who runs a restaurant with Montag's stepfather.
This August, she and Pratt are headed to Africa to "feed children and help build things." Cameras will capture their trek, but not for The Hills [...] Montag likes to think she and the Jonas Brothers are part of a new wave of positive role models. "As a parent, I would not want my daughter looking up to someone throwing money away, on drugs or coming out of rehab," she says.
While we here at LA Deli think its admirable St Heidi & Spencer Douche-Pratt are going to help starving Africans, we just don't think the Africans should be used for personal gain. They've been through enough. Why can't they just do what they normally do? Have a picnic in the middle of Times Square.
[Image: USA Today]
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June 30th, 2008
I think theres something seriously wrong with me, either that or the world is plotting against me because I want to screw anything on legs right now, and David Beckham definitely has very lovely legs.
Just-Jared has posted these beautiful, beautiful new pictures of Beckham's Armani campaign. The Armani campaign was like the gift from god to make up for the mistake that is Christina Aguilera. Thank you god. Thank you.
I should mention I have difficulty seeing the entire pictures because my mind refuses to add all of the hotness together for fear of some sort of major stroke. So i have to micro-manage these pictures and would suggest you do too.
Thanks mainly to Just Jared for the gift that keeps on giving.
There should be a club for all of the dudes he turned gay. Like all of the dudes who got their first erection from Farah Fawcett have a club. It's more of a secret society really.
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June 29th, 2008
Everyone's favorite douchebag, Spencer Pratt, is upset at Mary-Kate Olsen, after she publicly humiliated him on David Letterman. MK said Heidi's coathanger had a bad temper in high school, and would often cry and walk off during soccer matches.
I mean this has to be the first time another celebrity, outside The Hills clan, has ever mentioned anything about them. But in true Heidi/Spencer style, he wasted no time to book another paid interview to respond to the diss.
He told UsWeekly magazine
I don't really get why she'd use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one's going to see. She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me. I know I've made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman. I forgive her, though. She's had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough.
We gotta say, the comment does bring home the LOLs. Seriously the interview gets worse when he states that he will have more longetivity than her. Only an MTV star would be able to say such things.
But, I'm pretty sure MK will have a laugh over a coked up 50 dollar bill while she throws darts at her cook.
See the David Letterman interview here.
View rest of the UsWeekly interview here.
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June 29th, 2008
Everyone always wants to know whos a diva and whos not, so LA DELI rounds up old famous examples as well as some whisperings from some of our industry friends about who is a HOT ASS BITCH to work with and who is just HEATHER MILLS (the devil) to work with. We also have the WILDCARD category which defines stars who have been reported to be part of both camps.
If you are a super bitchfaced celebrity and you see your name here you better get your shit together because we know! We know what you did to your last Personal Assistant!
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June 29th, 2008
I love how at cheap pubs people always tell you where you can get condiments with your order. It's like, hey look, we aren't even charging for ketchup! Isn't that like, crazy generous of us? It's to make up for your food that we are re-heating in the microwave right now I guess.
Anyway the jist of the story requires very little words. Christiano Ronaldo is a serious douchebag and this is probably why i wan't to write postcards from every city in the world we'd do the nasty in to my friends.
Such a postcard might read like this
Hey,
Just to let you know i'm having a great time in Rome, foods good, cultures nice, and Christiano Ronaldos' penis is never limp! On the down time, I like to slip out to do a little fun stuff with Monica Belucci, because if I'm going to be screwing one incredibly hot person completely out of my league, then I might as well pick up some local incredibly hot people completely out of my league on my travels too.
All the best,
Hope your jealous of all the nasty amazing good sex im having in positions I can't even talk about, Can't buy any gifts as I'm too busy just going at it like a rabbit.
Deli Llama.
I need to get laid and it's showing.
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June 28th, 2008
Here at LA Deli we've compiled this weeks celebrity news and added our own special style of vagina juices to make it go down better.
- Madonna, 49, and Guy Ritchie, 39, are headed for divorce. Rumors are circulating it was about Kabbalah (which is so 2004), a dried up vag and too much air humping. We think its a combination of the 3.
- You know it's sad when Lily Allen wins a fight. Perez Hilton was saying some not so nice shit about how Capitol Records isn't Lily's favorite artist anymore and no one talks about her because Katy Perry is the new king-dick because of her single I Kissed A Girl. Lily retaliated by saying I haven't made a new record in two years, and Capitol Records only distributes her music in the US, and Perez wants to fuck her up badly because she's the only person that knows that only 7 people went to Perez's fashion launch and that Perez is only saying bad shit about her because she dumped Mark Ronson as a producer, who Perez has a crush on. Anyone who knocks Perez is a good friend of mine.
- Anti-Perez comments are always appreciated at LA Deli. During the week Perez used Katherine Heigl again as another chance to spread his vendetta on celebrities who smoke, or maybe just Katherine. Perez used a Fergie approach, i.e. smoking causes L-U-N-G C-A-N-C-E-R and E-M-P-H-Y-S-E-M-A. Ask any adult who smokes and they'd be the first to say "N-O S-H-I-T". But the best anti-Perez comment of the week came from user "Posh" who summed it up perfectly. O-V-E-R-E-A-T-I-N-G. Remember guys, if you betray us and see that fat turd make sure you say something cruel and nasty.
- You know its a quiet week in Hollywood when Uma Thurman's wedding plans is news. I wonder what accent she will use at the wedding to say her vows. I heard Polish-Chinese is in.
- Paris Hilton is back in the recording studio. Guys! I know what you're thinking. But she's writing songs with part-time lover Benji Madden. I can't wait for that shit to leak out when I'm sitting on a toilet.
- Kathy Griffin uses more gay people for more personal gain in her reality show My Life on the D-List.
- The star of the week goes to Mary-Kate Olsen. Who's David Letterman interview pretty summed up the hot mess that she is.
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June 28th, 2008
You know, fuck Oprah. I have favourite things too, and over the past few weeks there has been some good shit. Read the rest of this entry »
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June 28th, 2008
Miley Cyrus, please just give up and take up professional myspace posing. Get yourself a VH1 Reality show girl, I'm sure NEW YORK would have you on her show and take great joy and pulling your weave!
I don't buy a 13 year old or whatever age she is signing about relationships and breaking up. When I was thirteen I was still wondering why my peepee made the tingly feeling when i touched it and thought a vagina was a breed of dog.
Miley's new song also fails at teen references, the movie had 10 things, Miley, we know you are a hateful animal inside, im sure you could find 84 things you hate about me, so don't hold back girlfriend, 7 things is a tea party, 84 things is Alanis Morisette doing smack.
I will not list 7 things i hate about Miley Cyrus
1. Her music
2. Her face
3. Her voice
4. Her penchant for taking pictures of herself for the internet.
5. Her sluttiness.
6. That she has a lot more money than me.
7. That she is not Heidi Montag.
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